i've had an emotional day. if you know me, you know that my emotions can run high, but that i usually do everything in me to keep them buried way below the surface. however, i've said it before, and i'll say it again: this blog is where i am transparent. that said:
i've been praying for a while now that god would start breaking me for what breaks his heart. don't get me wrong, i've always been "christian enough" to be sad about war and homeless people and abandoned children. what i lacked was a real brokenness over the things that grieve my heavenly father. if it doesn't tangibly affect me, it's hard for me to wrap my head and heart around it. for the past three days i have been utterly and totally and completely wrecked by the brokenness in other people's lives. people are really a mess. through the lens of the cross, i think hummanity is a beautiful mess - beautiful in that only through the blood of christ can the mess be shaped into something good. it kind of makes me think of that saying, "one man's trash is another man's treasure." you know, kind of like those (strange) people who collect used tissues and turn them into a giant, 3-D sculpture of a woman's face? so many times we look like junk - our lives look like junk - to everybody else. but to god, we are treasure, and he can take our trash and turn it into a beautiful piece of art.
anyway. back to the brokenness.
over the past few days, my life has intersected with four different situations that are ripping my heart apart. the root of each situation is simple. sin. sin is doing what it does best in the lives of people i love: it's destroying them. friends, do not be misled: satan has only one purpose. he has come to "steal, kill and destroy." his pleaure is our pain. the thrill of his existence is to watch your life slowly slip away by telling you time and time again, "it's just this once;" "just one more drink;" "this is the last time;" "it's not that big of a deal;" "everybody does it." i am watching believers take one, small step toward sin that results in moving them so far away from christ that they don't even recognize the sin they're living in. satan doesn't intend to get us quickly. he doesn't need to. all he has to do is convince us that it'll just be this one time. we make a tiny provision for our flesh, and sin has invaded our hearts and minds and lives, and we are doomed. read genesis 19 about abraham's nephew, lot. lot took one step towards sin - he chose to move to sodom. that one move eventually led to the total destruction and corruption of his family. it's very simple. sin leads to death. that's not a frightening ghost story to scare us into just walking the line of sin without ever actually crossing it. it's a biblical truth repeated over and over in scripture to reveal to us the very real and very final and very destructive consequences of our sin. this is not a feel good message; this is a message laden with urgency to flee from sin. sin promises to wreck your fellowship with christ. it promises to ruin relationships with people. it promises to lead to devestating consequences. it DESTROYS. i don't know how to convey this message to you in a way that does justice to the seriousness of what scripture teaches about sin.
believe me, sweet friends. i know this to be true. looking back over the past year of my life, i can so clearly see steps i took away from christ. they appeared so small, so insignificant, but they had serious affects on my life. a heartbreak last april (i won't even explain the series of bad choices that led to the heartbreak) left me feeling used up, empty, worthless, lonely, and so unbeautiful. everything i had spent two years putting back together had been torn apart again. when another chance came around in october, i stupidly walked into it with my eyes wide shut. i made a careless choice - a quick decision to give into something i wanted - without thinking about what would happen if things didn't turn out well. and friends, things didn't turn out well. my heart was in pieces. instead of taking my hurt and my anger and my desperation to christ, i found a distraction. a temporary fix. i knew it was wrong, but my flesh cried out for it. and i gave in. the distraction i'd hoped would heal my heart inflicted so many new wounds - many which i have yet to recover from. it stole more life from me. it stripped me of purity and faithfulness. it left me feeling even MORE used up, stained, lonely, and defeated. here's the truth in this: sin aways leads to more sin. here's another truth: when you think you've hit the bottom, satan will push you down stairs and into holes you never knew existed. i have experienced the death of joy - the death of peace - the death of sweet fellowship with jesus - and the death of relationships, all because of sin in my life. i am begging you: run the other way.
romans 6:23 teaches us that "the wages of sin is death, but the gift of god is eternal life through jesus christ our lord."
this is where this post turns around. the wages of sin is death. that's a promise. BUT. BUT. BUT. hallelujah for the the three-letter-word that saves my life. BUT the gift of god is eternal life through jesus christ our lord. glory and honor and praise to almighty god who redeems us through the blood of christ! because of christ's life, death and resurrection, i don't have to pay for my sin (past, present or future) with my life. he will forgive me for all of my sin and give me victory and power over sin. that fact is as true as the fact that sin leads to death.
i know christ. my faith in him is accounted to me for righteousness. this is what i must cling to:
"death is swallowed up in victory. o death, where is your sting? o hell, where is your victory? the sting of sin is death, and the strength of sin is the law. but thanks be to god who gives us the victory through our lord jesus christ." (1 corinthians 15:54-57)
jesus, help me to claim that when sin threatens me. help me to claim that when satan wants to remind me of my past. help me to claim that when i see brokenness around me.
i feel like i've kind of rambled for the last thousand words. so here it is in a nutshell: basically, god is breaking my heart over sin. he is revealing to me how much he hates sin and how much satan hates me. he is teaching me that the reality of death by sin is near. he is pleading with me to run from sin. he is burning away parts of my heart and making it more like his own. hallelujah to the god who chooses my mess, imparts his own righteousness to me, and works in my heart despite my mess to make me like himsef. hallelujah to the god who takes me back time and time again after i run towards sin and away from him. hallelujah to the god who has defeated sin and given me the victory eternally.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
tis the season
for itchy eyes, stuffy noses, and sneezing. lots of sneezing. i usually don't talk too much about my daily life (unless something happens that merrits mentioning), but let me just tell you that i went to the ENT today. mind you, i've been through this whole process before. i've hat CT scans, allergy tests, cameras stuck up my nose into my sinus cavity, six weeks of antibiotics, every allergy medicine in circulation, etc. etc. etc. i've had my tonsils and adenoids removed. to no avail. i still come down with a sinus infection and strep throat every other month. so i went to a new ENT today. let's just say dr. wood and i did not "click." he wants to start the whole process over, beginning with a CT scan next thursday morning. he wants me to take steroid injections and use new medicine. umm, no thanks? he also said that i probably need to have my deviated septum repaired with surgery. i got really excited about this, because for those of you who don't know, my nose was pretty badly broken, and it's very crooked. i thought that repairing my deviated septum would help straighten my nose. wrong-o. dr. wood kindly explained that the "curvature" of my nose was "prevalent," and that i need to see a plastic surgeon who will have to "break the nasal arch on both sides and mid-line bone, then straighten and set the mid-line bone and rebuild the nasal arch." doesn't that sound fun? sounds like two weeks out of school, two black eyes, and a bloody nose to me. gross.
yesterday i wrote a great blog. not to boast, but i was really proud of it. i remember everything i wanted to write about and for once in my life was able to connect everything and not just ramble. why, you ask, is this piece of literary brilliancy not published? oh you know, because it didn't save before i restarted my computer in a (vain) attempt to make skype work correctly. thanks for that, blogspot. i'm trying again today, but i'm not writing on the same topic from yesterday...
i have this complex where i think that if i'm not breaking down words from scripture to their original hebrew or greek, cross-referencing passages, using two different commentaries, and taking twenty-two pages of notes that i'm not having a quality quiet time. what i've learned this week is that sometimes, those things can mean that i'm NOT having a quality quiet time. those things can simply become "good" things that i do that serve no purpose for me other than to make me feel holy. don't get me wrong - doing those things lead to knowledge of god's word, and that is crucial to a believer's growth and understanding, but they don't always mean that i have truly spent time with jesus. sometimes those things are just filler - they keep me busy, keep me undelining and high-lighting, but they prevent me from simply reading the word, soaking it up, asking the holy spirit to guide my thoughts and to teach me, and interacting with christ. this week i've made it a point to simply READ scripture. i'm re-reading through exodus (i LOVE this book), and i have made it my goal not to try to dissect every word or inflection or figurative and literal meaning - but to "be still" and listen for the still small voice of god speak to me through the pages of his word. i haven't taken a single "note" on anything i've read, but i feel like i've soaked up so much more. tonight i finally just wrote down some reflections on exodus chapters 1-11, but that's the only thing my journal holds in reference to my recent reading. exodus is so rich in the history of the israelites. i love it. there are so many beautiful, incredible pictures of god's deliverance, protection, provision and redemption. here are some thoughts on exodus chapters 1-11:
-scripture says repeatedly that "god hardened pharoah's heart." i think i briefly mentioned this in an earlier post, but GOD hardened pharoh's heart. why? "for this purpose i have raised you up, that i may show my power in you, and that my name may be declared in all the earth." simple: god's glory. he hardened pharoah's heart to make sure that he alone received the glory. pharoah was wicked and not repentant, and yet god himself hardened his heart and allowed that to make his name famous. god will do anything to make sure we know it's all about him.
-exodus is a great reminder that his promises don't have anything to do with me, and that his faithfulness is not contingent upon my faithfulness. his promises are simply that: promises. they have nothing to do with who i am or what i am and what i do, and everything to do with who he is and what he is and what he does. hallelujah! god called the israelites, not because they were anything special, but because he is good and sovereign and wise. he has no other ambition than his own glory. he will be faithful to his promises to me just as he was famous to his promises to israel. he didn't deliver israel because of their own good, but because he had made a promise to abraham and isaac and jacob.
-god calls his people to "serve [him] in the wilderness." over and over god said, "let my people go that they may serve me in the wilderness." when i think of the desert places i have encountered in my life - and ones i am sure to encounter in the future - i don't think about how i can serve christ there. i think about how i can get the heck out of there - and fast. the desert is dry and barren - seemingly a wasteland. but god has a different idea. he wants more for our time spent in the wilderness. he wants us to serve him, and to serve him we have to seek him. my prayer is that i will be faithful in the lush, rainy seasons and in the dry, barren seasons.
-scripture says that god made a distinct difference between the israelites - his children - and the egyptians. he wanted it to be clear who belonged to him. i love that. he calls us out and separates us. in that truth alone, he is so good, and there is infinite reason to praise him.
i'm already excited about getting up at (ugh, 5 am) tomorrow, simply so i can sit in the quiet of the pitch black morning and bask in the words written to me from yahweh. here is my challenge to you, sweet friends: take some time to be quiet, be still, and read. soak up every word from god's heart to your heart. let him quiet you with his love. believe that he is rejoicing over you with singing, and that he delights in your desire to spend time with him. be encouraged that when you draw near to him, he promises to draw near to you.
yesterday i wrote a great blog. not to boast, but i was really proud of it. i remember everything i wanted to write about and for once in my life was able to connect everything and not just ramble. why, you ask, is this piece of literary brilliancy not published? oh you know, because it didn't save before i restarted my computer in a (vain) attempt to make skype work correctly. thanks for that, blogspot. i'm trying again today, but i'm not writing on the same topic from yesterday...
i have this complex where i think that if i'm not breaking down words from scripture to their original hebrew or greek, cross-referencing passages, using two different commentaries, and taking twenty-two pages of notes that i'm not having a quality quiet time. what i've learned this week is that sometimes, those things can mean that i'm NOT having a quality quiet time. those things can simply become "good" things that i do that serve no purpose for me other than to make me feel holy. don't get me wrong - doing those things lead to knowledge of god's word, and that is crucial to a believer's growth and understanding, but they don't always mean that i have truly spent time with jesus. sometimes those things are just filler - they keep me busy, keep me undelining and high-lighting, but they prevent me from simply reading the word, soaking it up, asking the holy spirit to guide my thoughts and to teach me, and interacting with christ. this week i've made it a point to simply READ scripture. i'm re-reading through exodus (i LOVE this book), and i have made it my goal not to try to dissect every word or inflection or figurative and literal meaning - but to "be still" and listen for the still small voice of god speak to me through the pages of his word. i haven't taken a single "note" on anything i've read, but i feel like i've soaked up so much more. tonight i finally just wrote down some reflections on exodus chapters 1-11, but that's the only thing my journal holds in reference to my recent reading. exodus is so rich in the history of the israelites. i love it. there are so many beautiful, incredible pictures of god's deliverance, protection, provision and redemption. here are some thoughts on exodus chapters 1-11:
-scripture says repeatedly that "god hardened pharoah's heart." i think i briefly mentioned this in an earlier post, but GOD hardened pharoh's heart. why? "for this purpose i have raised you up, that i may show my power in you, and that my name may be declared in all the earth." simple: god's glory. he hardened pharoah's heart to make sure that he alone received the glory. pharoah was wicked and not repentant, and yet god himself hardened his heart and allowed that to make his name famous. god will do anything to make sure we know it's all about him.
-exodus is a great reminder that his promises don't have anything to do with me, and that his faithfulness is not contingent upon my faithfulness. his promises are simply that: promises. they have nothing to do with who i am or what i am and what i do, and everything to do with who he is and what he is and what he does. hallelujah! god called the israelites, not because they were anything special, but because he is good and sovereign and wise. he has no other ambition than his own glory. he will be faithful to his promises to me just as he was famous to his promises to israel. he didn't deliver israel because of their own good, but because he had made a promise to abraham and isaac and jacob.
-god calls his people to "serve [him] in the wilderness." over and over god said, "let my people go that they may serve me in the wilderness." when i think of the desert places i have encountered in my life - and ones i am sure to encounter in the future - i don't think about how i can serve christ there. i think about how i can get the heck out of there - and fast. the desert is dry and barren - seemingly a wasteland. but god has a different idea. he wants more for our time spent in the wilderness. he wants us to serve him, and to serve him we have to seek him. my prayer is that i will be faithful in the lush, rainy seasons and in the dry, barren seasons.
-scripture says that god made a distinct difference between the israelites - his children - and the egyptians. he wanted it to be clear who belonged to him. i love that. he calls us out and separates us. in that truth alone, he is so good, and there is infinite reason to praise him.
i'm already excited about getting up at (ugh, 5 am) tomorrow, simply so i can sit in the quiet of the pitch black morning and bask in the words written to me from yahweh. here is my challenge to you, sweet friends: take some time to be quiet, be still, and read. soak up every word from god's heart to your heart. let him quiet you with his love. believe that he is rejoicing over you with singing, and that he delights in your desire to spend time with him. be encouraged that when you draw near to him, he promises to draw near to you.
Monday, March 21, 2011
the early bird gets the worm
to say that i'm not a morning person would be a riotous understatement. i loathe morning. i detest waking up before i'm ready to wake up. i hate the sound of my alarm. i get a sick feeling setting it at night before i go to sleep. they say "the early bird gets the worm." i don't really know what the early bird gets, nor do i care - i'm still dreaming blissfully. alas, i was challenged last friday night to wake up early on saturday morning (8 am. oh my word.) and spend time with jesus. i was pointed to psalm 119:147, "i rise before the dawning of the morning, and cry for help; i hope in your word. my eyes are awake through the night watches, that i may meditate on your word." the psalmist lost sleep, because god's word is so good, and he wanted to learn it. i was challenged to practice self-denial, sacrifice my saturday morning staring at the back of my eyelids, and instead stare into the heart of my creator. i accepted the challenge, and i even felt kind of excited about it. i set my clock for 8 am (it was 1:30 am), and hunkered down in my bed to enjoy my 6.5 hours of sleep.
i was awake at 7:52 am. eight minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off! i got up, put the dogs out, fed them, and pulled on an old clemson sweatshirt. i poured a huge glass of water, and i settled on to my couch with my snuggie, my journal, and the word. i was feeling pretty sleepy, so i went straight to the lord. i asked him to make me awake and alert, to meet with me, to teach me, and to encourage me. i asked him to make this time meaningful. psalm 119 has been heavy on my heart the past week or so, so i opened to that chapter and started reading. i read and journaled and prayed for two hours.
i thought about doing my typical breakdown, verse by verse, of what i had studied, but i think what i have learned the most about over the past couple of days is this: living sacrificially. sometimes i feel really good about the fact that i have a quiet time every day. no matter what, i cut time out of my day to spend time with god - even if it's just twenty minutes. usually, though, i sleep until the last possible second (6:20 am, in case you're wondering), go to school, and have my quiet time after i've taken a nap. that system is fine, but what is it costing me? absolutely nothing. in fact, i gain everything from it. i get extra sleep, i get a nap, it's convenient for me. when i started thinking about that, jesus reminded me of 2 samuel, when david says, "i will not offer anything to my lord that does not cost me something." ouch. there i was, feeling so good about my quiet times, when, in his goodness, god reminds me that it doesn't matter what i look like compared to other people - only what i look like compared to jesus.
the truth is, i'm not called to love god, to serve god, and seek god when it's convenient for me. my call is much different. romans 12:1 says "therefore, brethren, in view of god's mercies, offer yourselves as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to god, which your reasonable service." did you catch that? i am to be a living, breathing, walking, moving, talking sacrifice. my entire life should be lived sacrificially. everything i do should be to the glory of jesus christ, and it should cost me something. it's not a sacrifice if it doesn't hurt you a little to give it up. living my life as a sacrifice to jesus is the only way that my life is holy and acceptable to god. that's what he wants - he wants my whole heart, totally and utterly surrendered, tied with cords to the horns of the altar, all day, every day. this is my "reasonable service." this is the ONLY response to the grace which god has so freely and lavishly shown me. it's not an option. my life must be given in sacrifice.
jesus was the ultimate sacrifice. he gave his entire life - literally. his life. philippians 2:8 teaches that he "humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death." so what does sacrifice take? humility and obedience. philippians 2:5 commands me to have the same mind that christ had. i have to die. maybe physically - but not necessarily. i have to die to myself. i have to nail my sinful, selfish flesh to the cross every single day. i have to claim galatians 2:20 - "for i have been crucified with christ. it is no longer i who live, but christ lives in me."
as i'm trying to wrap this post up, i think the most effective words i can leave you with are these: he must become greater; i must become less (john 3:30). this verse is so entirely challenging to me, and it also reminds of a throwback stephen curtis chapman song (don't lie, you know you still love scc):
i want to make much of you jesus
i want to make much of your love
i want to live today to give you the praise
that you alone are so worthy of
i want to make much of yor mercy
i want to make much of your cross
i give you my life, take it and let it be used
to make much of you
sweet friends, surrender. live sacrificially. there is so much joy in the burning away of yourself.
i was awake at 7:52 am. eight minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off! i got up, put the dogs out, fed them, and pulled on an old clemson sweatshirt. i poured a huge glass of water, and i settled on to my couch with my snuggie, my journal, and the word. i was feeling pretty sleepy, so i went straight to the lord. i asked him to make me awake and alert, to meet with me, to teach me, and to encourage me. i asked him to make this time meaningful. psalm 119 has been heavy on my heart the past week or so, so i opened to that chapter and started reading. i read and journaled and prayed for two hours.
i thought about doing my typical breakdown, verse by verse, of what i had studied, but i think what i have learned the most about over the past couple of days is this: living sacrificially. sometimes i feel really good about the fact that i have a quiet time every day. no matter what, i cut time out of my day to spend time with god - even if it's just twenty minutes. usually, though, i sleep until the last possible second (6:20 am, in case you're wondering), go to school, and have my quiet time after i've taken a nap. that system is fine, but what is it costing me? absolutely nothing. in fact, i gain everything from it. i get extra sleep, i get a nap, it's convenient for me. when i started thinking about that, jesus reminded me of 2 samuel, when david says, "i will not offer anything to my lord that does not cost me something." ouch. there i was, feeling so good about my quiet times, when, in his goodness, god reminds me that it doesn't matter what i look like compared to other people - only what i look like compared to jesus.
the truth is, i'm not called to love god, to serve god, and seek god when it's convenient for me. my call is much different. romans 12:1 says "therefore, brethren, in view of god's mercies, offer yourselves as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to god, which your reasonable service." did you catch that? i am to be a living, breathing, walking, moving, talking sacrifice. my entire life should be lived sacrificially. everything i do should be to the glory of jesus christ, and it should cost me something. it's not a sacrifice if it doesn't hurt you a little to give it up. living my life as a sacrifice to jesus is the only way that my life is holy and acceptable to god. that's what he wants - he wants my whole heart, totally and utterly surrendered, tied with cords to the horns of the altar, all day, every day. this is my "reasonable service." this is the ONLY response to the grace which god has so freely and lavishly shown me. it's not an option. my life must be given in sacrifice.
jesus was the ultimate sacrifice. he gave his entire life - literally. his life. philippians 2:8 teaches that he "humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death." so what does sacrifice take? humility and obedience. philippians 2:5 commands me to have the same mind that christ had. i have to die. maybe physically - but not necessarily. i have to die to myself. i have to nail my sinful, selfish flesh to the cross every single day. i have to claim galatians 2:20 - "for i have been crucified with christ. it is no longer i who live, but christ lives in me."
as i'm trying to wrap this post up, i think the most effective words i can leave you with are these: he must become greater; i must become less (john 3:30). this verse is so entirely challenging to me, and it also reminds of a throwback stephen curtis chapman song (don't lie, you know you still love scc):
i want to make much of you jesus
i want to make much of your love
i want to live today to give you the praise
that you alone are so worthy of
i want to make much of yor mercy
i want to make much of your cross
i give you my life, take it and let it be used
to make much of you
sweet friends, surrender. live sacrificially. there is so much joy in the burning away of yourself.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
golden cows
i love a good sunday. church, a trip to clemson for groucho's, a nap, accountability over skype with my sweet friend, sara, in sweden. makes for a pretty good day. while on the subject of sweet sara, let me just tell you what a blessing accountability is. i know that sara is my biggest fan. the girl and i have been through some pretty cruddy stuff, but we always stick together. i know she's my biggest fan. i can share with her exactly what's on my heart - no matter how paganish it may sound - and she gets it and she appreciates my candor and she encourages me. i think she would find a way to encourage my heart even if i'd told her i just ran over a puppy for fun. but i also know that she's going to call me out. when i share with her things i'm struggling with, she's going to point me to jesus. she's not going to let things slip. sara always, always, always lovingly directs me back to jesus - not to herself, not to what our culture says - but to jesus. she snaps me back to reality (biblical reality) when i'm letting my emotions get out of control, when i'm being self-seeking, and when i'm not seeking christ first in my life. she is so good at reminding me that jesus wants my whole heart. we've poured over scripture together, prayed together, wept together, laughed (a LOT!) together, had a lot of 2 am phone calls, made a lot of late night trips across town, and really just done life together for about 10 years now. i am blessed beyond measure to count her as a sister in christ and one of my best friends. "every good and perfect gift comes from above" (james 1:17). sara is definitely a gift that i treasure and am so thankful for.
we sang "come thou fount" at church this morning. i have always loved this song and, in particular, the last verse. these words have been on my heart all day:
o, to grace, how great a debtor
daily i'm constrained to be
let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee
prone to wander, lord, i feel it
prone to leave the god i love
here's my heart, lord, take and seal it
seal it for thy courts above
if you know me, you know my love for the book of hosea. really, i love any story of jesus' relentless pursuit of a person (or people) who shows preference for anyone/anything but christ. look at israel. god's chosen people. he delivered them. he promised them good things. he blessed them and took care of them and protected them. and what did they do? they turned their back on him for a golden cow. really? a golden cow? this is where the wrecking ball, also known as the holy spirit, violently attacks my heart. i walk away from christ so often for lesser things. anything that isn't christ is less, obviously, but let's be serious: facebook, a little more sleep, a dating relationship that doesn't honor god or me, a few minutes of earthly pleasure, heightened emotions that make me feel better, giving in to satan's lies and going to those dark places in my head, malicious words that destroy others but build me up. i am so sinful that it disgusts me. i hate sin. but at the same time, i totally get what paul was saying in romans 7: the thing i want to do, i don't do; but the thing i hate, that's what i'm good at. dang it. i'm so quick to make everything else an idol. oh, friends, that we would be so mindful of the golden cows in our lives. i don't want to choose anything else over christ. i want to pursue righteousness every freaking second of every day. i don't want to just think about pursuing christ, i want to passionately seek him and serve him. i want less of me and more of him.
while studying romans 11 earlier today (by the way: it has taken me about 4 days to get through romans 11. you should read it. just sayin'.), the lord pressed these verses (33-36) on my heart:
oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of god. how unsearchable his judgements and his ways beyond finding out. for who has known the mind of the lord? or who has become his counselor? or who has first given to him and had it repaid him? for of him and through him and to him are all things, to whom be the glory forever.
i'll just be honest: i have some trust issues. that's probably putting it mildly, truthfully. with those issues comes the accute inability to simply not know. not knowing something KILLS me. this may come to a surprise to many of you, but i don't know what the future holds. i can't explain why things happen. i'm not sure what will end in happily-ever-after and what will end in disappointment. for most of the questions i have, i have no answers. this makes me crazy. i so desperately want to understand god and his ways and his plans. i want affirmation about things that i hope will happen and explanations for things that have already happened. sometimes i go so far as to have this attitude: well, you say you love me, so you should explain this to me. prideful much? when i came across the verses above, my heart was completely stricken. here are the truths i took away from this passage:
1. god's ways are beyond my understanding.
2. i'm not gonna understand him.
3. god doesn't need my opinion.
4. god doesn't owe me an explanation.
5. here's my answer: for his glory. that's why.
it comes down to having an accurate view of who god is. do i really know the god i say i love and serve? today i spent some time searching scripture to find descriptions of who god is. among my list were: the beginning and the end (the promise!), my exceedingly great reward, love, merciful, forgiving, jealous, wrathful, just, provider, protector, holy, sovereign, my portion, faithful. i think most important to me in this moment is that he is faithful - faithful to be all of these things to me all of the time. and because he is faithful to be all of these things to me all of the time, i can trust that he is the only wise king, the one true living god, and that all things work for my good and his glory. i am praying earnestly that he would enlarge my heart, perfect my faith, and help me to trust him more!
we sang "come thou fount" at church this morning. i have always loved this song and, in particular, the last verse. these words have been on my heart all day:
o, to grace, how great a debtor
daily i'm constrained to be
let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee
prone to wander, lord, i feel it
prone to leave the god i love
here's my heart, lord, take and seal it
seal it for thy courts above
if you know me, you know my love for the book of hosea. really, i love any story of jesus' relentless pursuit of a person (or people) who shows preference for anyone/anything but christ. look at israel. god's chosen people. he delivered them. he promised them good things. he blessed them and took care of them and protected them. and what did they do? they turned their back on him for a golden cow. really? a golden cow? this is where the wrecking ball, also known as the holy spirit, violently attacks my heart. i walk away from christ so often for lesser things. anything that isn't christ is less, obviously, but let's be serious: facebook, a little more sleep, a dating relationship that doesn't honor god or me, a few minutes of earthly pleasure, heightened emotions that make me feel better, giving in to satan's lies and going to those dark places in my head, malicious words that destroy others but build me up. i am so sinful that it disgusts me. i hate sin. but at the same time, i totally get what paul was saying in romans 7: the thing i want to do, i don't do; but the thing i hate, that's what i'm good at. dang it. i'm so quick to make everything else an idol. oh, friends, that we would be so mindful of the golden cows in our lives. i don't want to choose anything else over christ. i want to pursue righteousness every freaking second of every day. i don't want to just think about pursuing christ, i want to passionately seek him and serve him. i want less of me and more of him.
while studying romans 11 earlier today (by the way: it has taken me about 4 days to get through romans 11. you should read it. just sayin'.), the lord pressed these verses (33-36) on my heart:
oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of god. how unsearchable his judgements and his ways beyond finding out. for who has known the mind of the lord? or who has become his counselor? or who has first given to him and had it repaid him? for of him and through him and to him are all things, to whom be the glory forever.
i'll just be honest: i have some trust issues. that's probably putting it mildly, truthfully. with those issues comes the accute inability to simply not know. not knowing something KILLS me. this may come to a surprise to many of you, but i don't know what the future holds. i can't explain why things happen. i'm not sure what will end in happily-ever-after and what will end in disappointment. for most of the questions i have, i have no answers. this makes me crazy. i so desperately want to understand god and his ways and his plans. i want affirmation about things that i hope will happen and explanations for things that have already happened. sometimes i go so far as to have this attitude: well, you say you love me, so you should explain this to me. prideful much? when i came across the verses above, my heart was completely stricken. here are the truths i took away from this passage:
1. god's ways are beyond my understanding.
2. i'm not gonna understand him.
3. god doesn't need my opinion.
4. god doesn't owe me an explanation.
5. here's my answer: for his glory. that's why.
it comes down to having an accurate view of who god is. do i really know the god i say i love and serve? today i spent some time searching scripture to find descriptions of who god is. among my list were: the beginning and the end (the promise!), my exceedingly great reward, love, merciful, forgiving, jealous, wrathful, just, provider, protector, holy, sovereign, my portion, faithful. i think most important to me in this moment is that he is faithful - faithful to be all of these things to me all of the time. and because he is faithful to be all of these things to me all of the time, i can trust that he is the only wise king, the one true living god, and that all things work for my good and his glory. i am praying earnestly that he would enlarge my heart, perfect my faith, and help me to trust him more!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
disclaimer: this post is long!
i'm an old testament girl at heart. don't get me wrong, i love reading the words of the new testament, because it defines the ministry of christ and so beautifully portrays his person (and i supposed i'd be a little less of a christian if i didn' mention the gospel). but the old testament is so rich in imagery and history and stories and prophecies and foreshadowing of the promised messiah. i can hardly read anything in the old testament without being moved to tears. again, i'm not discounting the new testament or giving any more importance to the old, i'm just telling you that i love the OT.
i've been so slack in my posting over the past couple of weeks, but it's not because i haven't been in the word. oh my goodness, my time spent pouring over god's word over the past 15 days has been so rich, so intimate, so encouraging! i feel like i am learning so much that my heart cannot soak it all up, my mind can't process it all, and my blog can't do it any justice. trust me, friends: when you surrender your time spent with christ fully to christ, he will blow. your. mind. when it stops becoming "i have to" and starts becoming "i want to," his word will be so alive to you. when you start craving his word and his presence and his teaching, your heart will start to change - radically. i've always had quiet times and always believed in the importance of studying scripture, but recently god has totally shaken up my time with him. he's made it intentional and deliberate, and he's reminded me to seek him - not open my bible and read because i know i should - but to surrender my heart and spirit and mind to him totally and allow him to just teach me. i am spending more time with him than ever. i am learning more than ever. i am more encouraged than ever. i am more spiritually alive than ever. i literally feel like i cannot get enough of his word, and i've kind of always felt that way. i've always loved scripture and memorizing it and studying it, but i get so excited about waking up in the morning just to get to read a few verses before school. i look forward to my time with jesus in the afternoon/evening. oh, that you would each have this desire in your hearts!
my heart is so full tonight, and i want to share exactly what went on during my time in the word tonight.
i've been studying romans since january. yep. january. i started chapter ten today. who knew you could get so much out of so few verses at a time. i used to only feel like i had a quality quiet time if i had gotten through like four chapters. now i'm thrilled to study and meditate on four verses! anyway. here are the contents of my journal (edited where necessary) for you to ponder with me:
romans 10:1-13
verse 1) paul's heart and passion for people - i want to have a heart for people - for the nations, specifically. i want to have a holy desire, a real, deep, unsettling desire for them to know god - to be disciples, to love him, to love his word, and to obey him; jesus, "enlarge my heart" (psalm 119) for people; stir compassion in my heart for the lost.
verses 2-3) the israelites had zeal for god, but not a knowledgable zeal; they were "ignorant of god's righteousness" and they sought "to establish their own righteousness" - by this they "have no submitted to the righteousness of god." this is so true of a LOT of people and people groups - particularly those in the middle east; they try to work so hard to create their own righteousness - and that is so, so sad. the bible teaches - promises, even - that there is non who does good, and that even our righteous acts are filthy rags. we have no hope in and of ourselves; we are totally depraved; we have no hope apart from christ's righteousness imparted to us through the cross. only then, when we are "submitted to the righteousness of god" can his righteousness work in and through us, and our actions - our fruits - are pleasing to god (faith in christ's atoning work on the cross and HIS righteousness - hebrews 11 teaches that "without faith it is impossible to please god."). i never want to live my life in a way that i am ignorant of god's righteousness. i want to always remember and be dependant on his righteousness counting for me. i think this is why we will always sin on this side of eternity - to spur us on towards god (romans teaches that the law reveals sin which reveals our need for god.).
verse 4) POWER. "for christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes." christ is the end. that's it. it's done. that's why he cried out, "it is finished." he finished my work of righteousness. christ is also called the amen (revelation 3:14) and the alpha and omega (beginning and end). the "amen" means the guarantee, the sure thing, the promise, the one consistent truth. the finality (i LOVE that word) of christ's work on the cross should be first and foremost on my heart and mind every single day. a resounding "it is finished" should echo deep in my soul with every breath i take. my prayer is that jesus would help me to trust that it IS indeed finished - every failure, every fear, every hurt - it is finished. YOU finished my work. my soul and heart are free to enjoy the endless joy and hope and assurance that chirst's resurrecting power are alive in my life. when i mess up and feel like i'm a lost cause: it is finished. when i am struggling to let go of the past - hurts and failures and hang-ups: it is finished. when i'm scared of what's to come: it is finished. IT. IS. FINISHED. as a girl who so often struggles to trust (god and people), i don't feel like i have enough faith. god teaches in hebrews 12:2 that we have to "look to jesus, the author and perfector of our faith." i've got to constantly look to jesus to perfect and strengthen my faith. i can't do that on my own - no amount of prayer or quiet times can do that. it's jesus who works in my heart to develop and strengthen and perfect my faith.
in romans 10, paul uses scripture from deuteronomy 30:14 - "the word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart." this points me directly to psalm 119 - love the la of the lord; hide it in your heart so you know it and remember it and apply it and honor the lord. i continued reading through deuteronomy 30 and was so encouraged/challenged by verses 11-20:
"see, i have set before you this day life and death, good and evil, in that i command you today to lvoe the lord your god, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commandments, hs statutes, and his judgements, that you may live and multiply and the lord your god will bless you in the land you go to possess. but if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away, and worship other gods and serve them, i announce to you today that you shall surely perish; you shall not prolong your days in the land which you cross over the jordan to go in and possess. i call heaven and earth today as witnesses againstyou, that i have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore, choose life. that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the lord your god, that you may obey his voice, and that you may cling to him, for he is your life and the length of your days, and that you may dwell in the nd which the lord swore to your fathers, to abraham, issaac, and jacob, to give them."
my favorite verse: "cling to him, for he is your life." not a part of your life. not in your life. he. is. your. life. he is the fiber of my being; he is the breath in my lungs and the blood rushing through my veins. he is the beat of my heart. he is the threat of people, events, jobs, circumstances, and opportunities in my days. he is in the chaos and the calm. he is in the heartache and the joy. he is in the valley and on the mountain top. he is what breaks me and holds me togethers. he is the very meaning and purpose and desire of my existence. he is my life. i have nothing - i am nothing - apart from him. so what is my response to this truth? cling to him. CLING. you know what i think of when i hear the word "cling?" static cling. and i think that's exactly what god wants me to think of. i'm gonna cling to him with a death grip, white knuckles, for dear life, no matter what, with all i've got. because without him, i have no life. and the opposite of life, sweet friends, is death.
back to romans 10...
verse 9) promise: belive with your heart, and confess with your mouth, and you will be saved. how does this fit in to reformed theology (ps, first baptist friends, if you couldn't already tell from previous posts: i'm a reformed girl.)? submit to god - to his call - his initiation - he enlarges our hearts and gives us faith to trust him - he leads us to repentance, and thus, salvation (and again we see that salvation is an act initiated and completed by god).
verse 11) another promise: "whoever belives on him will not be put to shame." hallelujah for this promise! basically: you won't regret following him. will it be easy? nope. will it be fun? not always. but will it be worth it? absolutely! how could it not be with all the promises found in deuteronomy 30 and all throughout scripture??
verse 12) my god is the same god to all who call on him. i need to trust this when i am feeling like i'm being punished (or will be punished) for a mistake i've made, or maybe i don't have something that someone else does becuase i'm not as good as they are. i also need to trust this when i think i'm holier than another. god's desire is to bless us out of his riches in glory - all of us who are called by him. there is no partiality with god.
verse 13) "for whoever calls upon the name of the lord shall be saved." again, reformed theology: why did they call on the name of the lord? because god initiated with them. he placed the desire in their heart, because HE chose them. we don't chose god. he chooses us.
sweet friends, this is not even an INKLING into all that jesus has been teaching me lately. and this epic post is only over TEN verses that i have studied tonight! please, please trust me on this one: get in the word. cry out to god to meet with you and teach you, and he will. he will completely (and i hate beyond hate this phrase) rock your world. let him! it's so encouraging and exciting and refreshing! i am experiencing the renewing of my heart and mind daily in ways i never have before!
i've been so slack in my posting over the past couple of weeks, but it's not because i haven't been in the word. oh my goodness, my time spent pouring over god's word over the past 15 days has been so rich, so intimate, so encouraging! i feel like i am learning so much that my heart cannot soak it all up, my mind can't process it all, and my blog can't do it any justice. trust me, friends: when you surrender your time spent with christ fully to christ, he will blow. your. mind. when it stops becoming "i have to" and starts becoming "i want to," his word will be so alive to you. when you start craving his word and his presence and his teaching, your heart will start to change - radically. i've always had quiet times and always believed in the importance of studying scripture, but recently god has totally shaken up my time with him. he's made it intentional and deliberate, and he's reminded me to seek him - not open my bible and read because i know i should - but to surrender my heart and spirit and mind to him totally and allow him to just teach me. i am spending more time with him than ever. i am learning more than ever. i am more encouraged than ever. i am more spiritually alive than ever. i literally feel like i cannot get enough of his word, and i've kind of always felt that way. i've always loved scripture and memorizing it and studying it, but i get so excited about waking up in the morning just to get to read a few verses before school. i look forward to my time with jesus in the afternoon/evening. oh, that you would each have this desire in your hearts!
my heart is so full tonight, and i want to share exactly what went on during my time in the word tonight.
i've been studying romans since january. yep. january. i started chapter ten today. who knew you could get so much out of so few verses at a time. i used to only feel like i had a quality quiet time if i had gotten through like four chapters. now i'm thrilled to study and meditate on four verses! anyway. here are the contents of my journal (edited where necessary) for you to ponder with me:
romans 10:1-13
verse 1) paul's heart and passion for people - i want to have a heart for people - for the nations, specifically. i want to have a holy desire, a real, deep, unsettling desire for them to know god - to be disciples, to love him, to love his word, and to obey him; jesus, "enlarge my heart" (psalm 119) for people; stir compassion in my heart for the lost.
verses 2-3) the israelites had zeal for god, but not a knowledgable zeal; they were "ignorant of god's righteousness" and they sought "to establish their own righteousness" - by this they "have no submitted to the righteousness of god." this is so true of a LOT of people and people groups - particularly those in the middle east; they try to work so hard to create their own righteousness - and that is so, so sad. the bible teaches - promises, even - that there is non who does good, and that even our righteous acts are filthy rags. we have no hope in and of ourselves; we are totally depraved; we have no hope apart from christ's righteousness imparted to us through the cross. only then, when we are "submitted to the righteousness of god" can his righteousness work in and through us, and our actions - our fruits - are pleasing to god (faith in christ's atoning work on the cross and HIS righteousness - hebrews 11 teaches that "without faith it is impossible to please god."). i never want to live my life in a way that i am ignorant of god's righteousness. i want to always remember and be dependant on his righteousness counting for me. i think this is why we will always sin on this side of eternity - to spur us on towards god (romans teaches that the law reveals sin which reveals our need for god.).
verse 4) POWER. "for christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes." christ is the end. that's it. it's done. that's why he cried out, "it is finished." he finished my work of righteousness. christ is also called the amen (revelation 3:14) and the alpha and omega (beginning and end). the "amen" means the guarantee, the sure thing, the promise, the one consistent truth. the finality (i LOVE that word) of christ's work on the cross should be first and foremost on my heart and mind every single day. a resounding "it is finished" should echo deep in my soul with every breath i take. my prayer is that jesus would help me to trust that it IS indeed finished - every failure, every fear, every hurt - it is finished. YOU finished my work. my soul and heart are free to enjoy the endless joy and hope and assurance that chirst's resurrecting power are alive in my life. when i mess up and feel like i'm a lost cause: it is finished. when i am struggling to let go of the past - hurts and failures and hang-ups: it is finished. when i'm scared of what's to come: it is finished. IT. IS. FINISHED. as a girl who so often struggles to trust (god and people), i don't feel like i have enough faith. god teaches in hebrews 12:2 that we have to "look to jesus, the author and perfector of our faith." i've got to constantly look to jesus to perfect and strengthen my faith. i can't do that on my own - no amount of prayer or quiet times can do that. it's jesus who works in my heart to develop and strengthen and perfect my faith.
in romans 10, paul uses scripture from deuteronomy 30:14 - "the word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart." this points me directly to psalm 119 - love the la of the lord; hide it in your heart so you know it and remember it and apply it and honor the lord. i continued reading through deuteronomy 30 and was so encouraged/challenged by verses 11-20:
"see, i have set before you this day life and death, good and evil, in that i command you today to lvoe the lord your god, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commandments, hs statutes, and his judgements, that you may live and multiply and the lord your god will bless you in the land you go to possess. but if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away, and worship other gods and serve them, i announce to you today that you shall surely perish; you shall not prolong your days in the land which you cross over the jordan to go in and possess. i call heaven and earth today as witnesses againstyou, that i have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore, choose life. that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the lord your god, that you may obey his voice, and that you may cling to him, for he is your life and the length of your days, and that you may dwell in the nd which the lord swore to your fathers, to abraham, issaac, and jacob, to give them."
my favorite verse: "cling to him, for he is your life." not a part of your life. not in your life. he. is. your. life. he is the fiber of my being; he is the breath in my lungs and the blood rushing through my veins. he is the beat of my heart. he is the threat of people, events, jobs, circumstances, and opportunities in my days. he is in the chaos and the calm. he is in the heartache and the joy. he is in the valley and on the mountain top. he is what breaks me and holds me togethers. he is the very meaning and purpose and desire of my existence. he is my life. i have nothing - i am nothing - apart from him. so what is my response to this truth? cling to him. CLING. you know what i think of when i hear the word "cling?" static cling. and i think that's exactly what god wants me to think of. i'm gonna cling to him with a death grip, white knuckles, for dear life, no matter what, with all i've got. because without him, i have no life. and the opposite of life, sweet friends, is death.
back to romans 10...
verse 9) promise: belive with your heart, and confess with your mouth, and you will be saved. how does this fit in to reformed theology (ps, first baptist friends, if you couldn't already tell from previous posts: i'm a reformed girl.)? submit to god - to his call - his initiation - he enlarges our hearts and gives us faith to trust him - he leads us to repentance, and thus, salvation (and again we see that salvation is an act initiated and completed by god).
verse 11) another promise: "whoever belives on him will not be put to shame." hallelujah for this promise! basically: you won't regret following him. will it be easy? nope. will it be fun? not always. but will it be worth it? absolutely! how could it not be with all the promises found in deuteronomy 30 and all throughout scripture??
verse 12) my god is the same god to all who call on him. i need to trust this when i am feeling like i'm being punished (or will be punished) for a mistake i've made, or maybe i don't have something that someone else does becuase i'm not as good as they are. i also need to trust this when i think i'm holier than another. god's desire is to bless us out of his riches in glory - all of us who are called by him. there is no partiality with god.
verse 13) "for whoever calls upon the name of the lord shall be saved." again, reformed theology: why did they call on the name of the lord? because god initiated with them. he placed the desire in their heart, because HE chose them. we don't chose god. he chooses us.
sweet friends, this is not even an INKLING into all that jesus has been teaching me lately. and this epic post is only over TEN verses that i have studied tonight! please, please trust me on this one: get in the word. cry out to god to meet with you and teach you, and he will. he will completely (and i hate beyond hate this phrase) rock your world. let him! it's so encouraging and exciting and refreshing! i am experiencing the renewing of my heart and mind daily in ways i never have before!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
in christ alone
god in my living, there in my breathing
god in my waking, god in my sleeping
god in my resting, there in my working
god in my thinking, god in my speaking
be my everything; be my everything
be my everything; be my everything
god in my hoping, there in my dreaming
god in my watching, god in my waiting
god in my laughing, there in my weeping
god in my hurting, god in my healing
be my everything; be my everything
be my everything; be my everything
christ in me, christ in me
christ in me, the hope of glory
you are everything
-"everything" by tim hughes
i heard this song on the playlist of a blog i was reading earlier this evening. i had never heard it but quickly found myself plundering through google to find it. when i read the line "god in my hoping," i was immediately reminded of romans 5 that i studied earlier this evening.
i was writing in my journal, reflecting on what i was reading. i meant to write, "where does my hope lie?" but i actually wrote, "where does my heart lie?" the holy spirit totally overwhelmed me, and i know he was saying, "you got it right, ashley. where does your heart lie? examine that, and see where your hope is placed." after careful consideration for several minutes, i realized that while my heart ultimately belongs to christ, and with everyhing in me i desire him above all else, i have mistakenly placed pieces of my heart - and thus, my hope - in other things. in desires, in people, in ideas, in conventionality, in stability. god's promise in romans 5:5 is that "hope does not disappoint." that is a promise, friends.
that leads me to this question: how often do i truely experience hope as god intends me to? so many times i place my hope in a thing or a person or an idea, and so many times i am disappointed. the only real and lasting hope there is is christ. period. unfortunately, i think we only pull out "hope" when things are hard or when we don't understand what's going on in our lives. i don't think we're called to use hope at our convenience, to just pull it out when we need it. we're called to live hopeful lives - hopeful for the glory of god - hopeful for nothing less than god himself. and that hope is a promise - it's a reality - it's a sure thing. hoping for his best, for his will to be accomplished, to know him more, to love him better - those are things to hope for, because they are in christ. those are things that will never disappoint.
in christ alone
my hope is found
he is my light, my strength, my song
this cornerstone, this solid ground
firm through the fiercest drought or storm
what heights of love
what depths of peace
when fears are stilled
and strivings cease
my comforter
my all-in-all
here in the love of christ i stand
god in my waking, god in my sleeping
god in my resting, there in my working
god in my thinking, god in my speaking
be my everything; be my everything
be my everything; be my everything
god in my hoping, there in my dreaming
god in my watching, god in my waiting
god in my laughing, there in my weeping
god in my hurting, god in my healing
be my everything; be my everything
be my everything; be my everything
christ in me, christ in me
christ in me, the hope of glory
you are everything
-"everything" by tim hughes
i heard this song on the playlist of a blog i was reading earlier this evening. i had never heard it but quickly found myself plundering through google to find it. when i read the line "god in my hoping," i was immediately reminded of romans 5 that i studied earlier this evening.
i was writing in my journal, reflecting on what i was reading. i meant to write, "where does my hope lie?" but i actually wrote, "where does my heart lie?" the holy spirit totally overwhelmed me, and i know he was saying, "you got it right, ashley. where does your heart lie? examine that, and see where your hope is placed." after careful consideration for several minutes, i realized that while my heart ultimately belongs to christ, and with everyhing in me i desire him above all else, i have mistakenly placed pieces of my heart - and thus, my hope - in other things. in desires, in people, in ideas, in conventionality, in stability. god's promise in romans 5:5 is that "hope does not disappoint." that is a promise, friends.
that leads me to this question: how often do i truely experience hope as god intends me to? so many times i place my hope in a thing or a person or an idea, and so many times i am disappointed. the only real and lasting hope there is is christ. period. unfortunately, i think we only pull out "hope" when things are hard or when we don't understand what's going on in our lives. i don't think we're called to use hope at our convenience, to just pull it out when we need it. we're called to live hopeful lives - hopeful for the glory of god - hopeful for nothing less than god himself. and that hope is a promise - it's a reality - it's a sure thing. hoping for his best, for his will to be accomplished, to know him more, to love him better - those are things to hope for, because they are in christ. those are things that will never disappoint.
in christ alone
my hope is found
he is my light, my strength, my song
this cornerstone, this solid ground
firm through the fiercest drought or storm
what heights of love
what depths of peace
when fears are stilled
and strivings cease
my comforter
my all-in-all
here in the love of christ i stand
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
i'm eating redi-whip...
straight out of the can. and loving it.
but that's not what i'm most excited about tonight. far from it, actually. i am most excited about the hope and promise i have in jesus christ! i'm studying (for about the seventieth time) the book of romans. i can barely read any of the text, because it's all highlighted about four different colors, circled, underlined and starred, and has sticky notes all over it. i am obsessed with paul and everything he wrote, and it's unfortunate that he lived thousands of years ago and was also not too interested in dating or marriage (because i would love to be married to a man like paul. but i digress.). i especially love romans, though. i feel like i kind of get paul. he was SO passionate. i feel like he probably had a pretty quick wit and a sharp tongue. he struggled with his pride. he so desired jesus, but he wrote "the thing i don't want to do, that is the thing i do." i relate completely. it's the message of grace in romans that i am so drawn to, and the absolute assurance that my faith in the life and death and resurrection of christ is accounted to me for righteousness - not my ability to live under the law.
i was reading through chapter four, verses 13-25. there is so much to glean from this text, that i think i'll be meditating on it for a couple of days. here are some things that the lord spoke to my heart about tonight:
verse 14: "for if those who are of the law are heirs, faith is made void and the promise made of no effect." if the law were able to grant us freedom and forgiveness, faith is useless, and god's promises are void and empty. if it were by the law that we were saved, we would all go to hell, and the promise of god for salvation would be a lie. are you thankful for grace yet?
verse 15: "because the law brings about wrath; for where there is no law, there is no transgression." romans 3:20 tells us that the law reveals sin. but if there is no law, there can be no sin - nothing to determine right from wrong. the beauty of this truth is that i am under no law in christ jesus - there is no sin accounted to me, because my life is hidden in christ's righteousness (colossians 3:3). therefore, i am spared the wrath of god. thank you, lord. this reminds me of colossians 2:13 that says, "and you, being dead in your sin, he has made alive together with him, having forgiven you your sins, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, that was contrary to us."
verses 17-18: "[abraham] in the presence of him whom he believed - god, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did; who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations, according to what was spoken." abraham defied the norm and his own expectations and understanding, and he CHOSE to place his faith and hope in god. he chose to trust. how did he have this faith when the promise seemed distant and the odds seemed against its fulfillment? abraham KNEW the god he was placing his trust in. he knew that god gave life to the dead and called things which do not exist as though they did. he knew god had been faithful before.
verse 19: "and not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of sarah's womb." abraham didn't let his mind wander to the things he perceived as problems: age, sarah's barrenness. he didn't entertain thoughts of doubt. when the lord makes us a promise, how often does satan attack our hearts and mind with firey darts - lies and fears and doubts and "what if's"? our minds must be set on things above, not on things of this earth (colossians 3:2).
verse 20: "he did not waver at the promise of god through unbeliefe, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to god." abraham was strengthened in faith by jesus, and for that he gave glory to god. god strengthened abraham in faith for his own glory. abraham didn't trust his own understanding.
verse 21: "and being fully convinced that what he had promised, he was also able to perform..." abraham was CONVINCED. he was persuaded - talked in to - saw evidence for. bottom line: abraham had seen god be faithful before. he knew he didn't have to question whether or not god would be faithful to keep this promise.
verse 23-24: "now it was not written for his sake alone that it was imputed to him, but also for us. it shall be imputed to us who believe in him who raised up jesus our lord from the dead." abraham's story was written to remind him and to encourage me that our god is a god of HUGE promises and HUGE faithfulness. and i think i read it tonight to be convicted of some unbelief in certain areas of my heart and life. there is no reason for unbelief: i have seen god be faithful to me in some of the darkest moments of my life. he will ALWAYS remain faithful. that's a promise.
side note - do we realize WHO we believe in? the same GOD who created the universe and holds it together, parted the red sea, spoke in a burning bush, was a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night to lead his people, raised lazarus from the dead, performed countless miracles through jesus, and ultimately and most phenomenally raised jesus christ from the dead to defeat sin and death for eternity and give us VICTORY! how much would change in our lives if we truely realized who we were trusting??
moving on.
verse 25 (my favorite verse in the passage): "[he] was delivered up because of our offenses and was raised up because of our justification." i get chills each time i read this. jesus was given up to the cross to pay for my sins, and he was raised up from the cross to justify me and give me victory over sin.
if your heart is not full of joy after reading the promises and truths in this passage of scripture, please stop and check your pulse. and then stop and take your spiritual pulse. because if you are not moved to a new place of worship and thankfulness for god's amazing mercy, then either your heart is hard, or you don't know christ.
be encouraged, friends! "having been justified by faith, we have peace with god through our lord jesus christ" (romans 5:1).
but that's not what i'm most excited about tonight. far from it, actually. i am most excited about the hope and promise i have in jesus christ! i'm studying (for about the seventieth time) the book of romans. i can barely read any of the text, because it's all highlighted about four different colors, circled, underlined and starred, and has sticky notes all over it. i am obsessed with paul and everything he wrote, and it's unfortunate that he lived thousands of years ago and was also not too interested in dating or marriage (because i would love to be married to a man like paul. but i digress.). i especially love romans, though. i feel like i kind of get paul. he was SO passionate. i feel like he probably had a pretty quick wit and a sharp tongue. he struggled with his pride. he so desired jesus, but he wrote "the thing i don't want to do, that is the thing i do." i relate completely. it's the message of grace in romans that i am so drawn to, and the absolute assurance that my faith in the life and death and resurrection of christ is accounted to me for righteousness - not my ability to live under the law.
i was reading through chapter four, verses 13-25. there is so much to glean from this text, that i think i'll be meditating on it for a couple of days. here are some things that the lord spoke to my heart about tonight:
verse 14: "for if those who are of the law are heirs, faith is made void and the promise made of no effect." if the law were able to grant us freedom and forgiveness, faith is useless, and god's promises are void and empty. if it were by the law that we were saved, we would all go to hell, and the promise of god for salvation would be a lie. are you thankful for grace yet?
verse 15: "because the law brings about wrath; for where there is no law, there is no transgression." romans 3:20 tells us that the law reveals sin. but if there is no law, there can be no sin - nothing to determine right from wrong. the beauty of this truth is that i am under no law in christ jesus - there is no sin accounted to me, because my life is hidden in christ's righteousness (colossians 3:3). therefore, i am spared the wrath of god. thank you, lord. this reminds me of colossians 2:13 that says, "and you, being dead in your sin, he has made alive together with him, having forgiven you your sins, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, that was contrary to us."
verses 17-18: "[abraham] in the presence of him whom he believed - god, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did; who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations, according to what was spoken." abraham defied the norm and his own expectations and understanding, and he CHOSE to place his faith and hope in god. he chose to trust. how did he have this faith when the promise seemed distant and the odds seemed against its fulfillment? abraham KNEW the god he was placing his trust in. he knew that god gave life to the dead and called things which do not exist as though they did. he knew god had been faithful before.
verse 19: "and not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of sarah's womb." abraham didn't let his mind wander to the things he perceived as problems: age, sarah's barrenness. he didn't entertain thoughts of doubt. when the lord makes us a promise, how often does satan attack our hearts and mind with firey darts - lies and fears and doubts and "what if's"? our minds must be set on things above, not on things of this earth (colossians 3:2).
verse 20: "he did not waver at the promise of god through unbeliefe, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to god." abraham was strengthened in faith by jesus, and for that he gave glory to god. god strengthened abraham in faith for his own glory. abraham didn't trust his own understanding.
verse 21: "and being fully convinced that what he had promised, he was also able to perform..." abraham was CONVINCED. he was persuaded - talked in to - saw evidence for. bottom line: abraham had seen god be faithful before. he knew he didn't have to question whether or not god would be faithful to keep this promise.
verse 23-24: "now it was not written for his sake alone that it was imputed to him, but also for us. it shall be imputed to us who believe in him who raised up jesus our lord from the dead." abraham's story was written to remind him and to encourage me that our god is a god of HUGE promises and HUGE faithfulness. and i think i read it tonight to be convicted of some unbelief in certain areas of my heart and life. there is no reason for unbelief: i have seen god be faithful to me in some of the darkest moments of my life. he will ALWAYS remain faithful. that's a promise.
side note - do we realize WHO we believe in? the same GOD who created the universe and holds it together, parted the red sea, spoke in a burning bush, was a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night to lead his people, raised lazarus from the dead, performed countless miracles through jesus, and ultimately and most phenomenally raised jesus christ from the dead to defeat sin and death for eternity and give us VICTORY! how much would change in our lives if we truely realized who we were trusting??
moving on.
verse 25 (my favorite verse in the passage): "[he] was delivered up because of our offenses and was raised up because of our justification." i get chills each time i read this. jesus was given up to the cross to pay for my sins, and he was raised up from the cross to justify me and give me victory over sin.
if your heart is not full of joy after reading the promises and truths in this passage of scripture, please stop and check your pulse. and then stop and take your spiritual pulse. because if you are not moved to a new place of worship and thankfulness for god's amazing mercy, then either your heart is hard, or you don't know christ.
be encouraged, friends! "having been justified by faith, we have peace with god through our lord jesus christ" (romans 5:1).
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