oh, friends. if you could only fathom the joy that fills my heart right now! for any of you who have not yet heard (or read), kenny and i were chosen by a sweet birth mother on july 24th. we are expecting a sweet little baby on december 21st! i am so overwhelmed with just sheer awe for the work that the lord has done to connect all of the dots in this story. there are so many details that i would love to share, but there are some things that i just want to keep close to my heart.
so many times throughout this journey, even recently, i've been met with people who have questioned our choice to adopt. i have often felt slighted by people who are less than excited about our choice and our baby, and i can only guess that it's because the baby will not share our dna. those questions hurt me much more deeply than just about anything else in my life ever has. and really, i just have one question - particularly for people who question adoption and who call themselves believers (i should note, these are mostly people who ask me at the grocery store if i have kids, or at wal-mart, or random places and i end up talking about adoption): where would you be if not for adoption? you see, god designed adoption. adoption was his plan all along. if you are in christ, if you are a child of god, it is only through the blood of jesus christ that you are counted righteous and are able to be adopted as a child of god. when he chose you (#closetcalvinist) - you didn't look like him. you didn't share his make up. you were born in sin, and your heart was evil. you were his enemy. BUT. oh, that tiny word but that is so necessary to the follower of jesus. BUT while you were still a sinner - still his enemy - christ died for you so that you could be adopted into the kingdom. the forever family of god. if jesus never let me conceive a child on my own, i would still be thankful, because he counted me and kenny worthy enough to live out his adoption plan in our own lives. praise god for adoption, for love that knows no bounds - no dna, no chromosomes, no skin color, no biological predispostions, no genetic make up. praise god for adoption, for love that knows no depth that it isn't willing to reach - no sin too great, no heart too dark, no person too far gone. so when you think about our story, don't think about us. don't think about the miracle jesus worked in our lives - and he did work miracles, yall. think about the adoption you have experienced - or maybe desperately need to experience - in your own life. think about lines and boundaries and political correctness that grace stepped over when he found you. i got a message from a friend yesterday that said that my writing - my honesty and candor through this journey - has touched her life. this has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with our savior. our lives - our joy, our suffering, our stories - are so much bigger than us. we are so insignificant, and he is everything.
to say that we are overjoyed would be an understatement. we are absolutely over the moon excited to welcome this sweet baby into our lives. in south carolina, a birth mother cannot sign tpr (termination of parental rights) papers until 24 hours after the delivery. as confident as we are that this is our baby - and yall, god has shown us many times over the past two weeks that this is our baby - there is still fear of coming home with an empty car seat. i've been studying hebrews over the past week. in hebrews 3 and 4, the author writes about the sabbath rest. he's writing to (surprise!) hebrews - jewish believers who have lived their lives as slaves to the law. he explains that their unbelief will keep them from the rest that christ offers. of course, we could look deeper and assume that unbelief will prevent eternal rest. but that's not where i'm going today. rest. not sleep. not a nap. not waking up refreshed. rest. soul rest. peace. joy. hope. restoration. that's the rest jesus offers us. he has reminded me every single day that my own unbelief will keep me from his rest. it will keep me from his peace, his joy, his hope. in moments when fear grips my heart and i have exchanged the truth of god for the lies of satan (romans), when my eyes fill with tears over the fear of the "what ifs?," when satan tells me this is too good to be true, when i hear all the reasons why god can't possibly be this good to me - jesus gently reminds me that he is in my midst. he is in this situation. he has gone before and made a way. he has ordained and ordered and worked out every moment of the next four months. he is good, and he is for me.
as you continue to pray over the next four months, we would be so thankful if you would remember these things:
- our sweet little one (health, growth, safe delivery, and that it's little heart would already begin softening to hear the gospel one day)
- our birth parents - they are incredible people; pray for their hearts and that they would see jesus in us
- our hearts - that we would rest in the grace of jesus and trust that he is in this
