tis the season

for itchy eyes, stuffy noses, and sneezing. lots of sneezing. i usually don't talk too much about my daily life (unless something happens that merrits mentioning), but let me just tell you that i went to the ENT today. mind you, i've been through this whole process before. i've hat CT scans, allergy tests, cameras stuck up my nose into my sinus cavity, six weeks of antibiotics, every allergy medicine in circulation, etc. etc. etc. i've had my tonsils and adenoids removed. to no avail. i still come down with a sinus infection and strep throat every other month. so i went to a new ENT today. let's just say dr. wood and i did not "click." he wants to start the whole process over, beginning with a CT scan next thursday morning. he wants me to take steroid injections and use new medicine. umm, no thanks? he also said that i probably need to have my deviated septum repaired with surgery. i got really excited about this, because for those of you who don't know, my nose was pretty badly broken, and it's very crooked. i thought that repairing my deviated septum would help straighten my nose. wrong-o. dr. wood kindly explained that the "curvature" of my nose was "prevalent," and that i need to see a plastic surgeon who will have to "break the nasal arch on both sides and mid-line bone, then straighten and set the mid-line bone and rebuild the nasal arch." doesn't that sound fun? sounds like two weeks out of school, two black eyes, and a bloody nose to me. gross.

yesterday i wrote a great blog. not to boast, but i was really proud of it. i remember everything i wanted to write about and for once in my life was able to connect everything and not just ramble. why, you ask, is this piece of literary brilliancy not published? oh you know, because it didn't save before i restarted my computer in a (vain) attempt to make skype work correctly. thanks for that, blogspot. i'm trying again today, but i'm not writing on the same topic from yesterday...

i have this complex where i think that if i'm not breaking down words from scripture to their original hebrew or greek, cross-referencing passages, using two different commentaries, and taking twenty-two pages of notes that i'm not having a quality quiet time. what i've learned this week is that sometimes, those things can mean that i'm NOT having a quality quiet time. those things can simply become "good" things that i do that serve no purpose for me other than to make me feel holy. don't get me wrong - doing those things lead to knowledge of god's word, and that is crucial to a believer's growth and understanding, but they don't always mean that i have truly spent time with jesus. sometimes those things are just filler - they keep me busy, keep me undelining and high-lighting, but they prevent me from simply reading the word, soaking it up, asking the holy spirit to guide my thoughts and to teach me, and interacting with christ. this week i've made it a point to simply READ scripture. i'm re-reading through exodus (i LOVE this book), and i have made it my goal not to try to dissect every word or inflection or figurative and literal meaning - but to "be still" and listen for the still small voice of god speak to me through the pages of his word. i haven't taken a single "note" on anything i've read, but i feel like i've soaked up so much more. tonight i finally just wrote down some reflections on exodus chapters 1-11, but that's the only thing my journal holds in reference to my recent reading. exodus is so rich in the history of the israelites. i love it. there are so many beautiful, incredible pictures of god's deliverance, protection, provision and redemption. here are some thoughts on exodus chapters 1-11:

-scripture says repeatedly that "god hardened pharoah's heart." i think i briefly mentioned this in an earlier post, but GOD hardened pharoh's heart. why? "for this purpose i have raised you up, that i may show my power in you, and that my name may be declared in all the earth." simple: god's glory. he hardened pharoah's heart to make sure that he alone received the glory. pharoah was wicked and not repentant, and yet god himself hardened his heart and allowed that to make his name famous. god will do anything to make sure we know it's all about him.

-exodus is a great reminder that his promises don't have anything to do with me, and that his faithfulness is not contingent upon my faithfulness. his promises are simply that: promises. they have nothing to do with who i am or what i am and what i do, and everything to do with who he is and what he is and what he does. hallelujah! god called the israelites, not because they were anything special, but because he is good and sovereign and wise. he has no other ambition than his own glory. he will be faithful to his promises to me just as he was famous to his promises to israel. he didn't deliver israel because of their own good, but because he had made a promise to abraham and isaac and jacob.

-god calls his people to "serve [him] in the wilderness." over and over god said, "let my people go that they may serve me in the wilderness." when i think of the desert places i have encountered in my life - and ones i am sure to encounter in the future - i don't think about how i can serve christ there. i think about how i can get the heck out of there - and fast. the desert is dry and barren - seemingly a wasteland. but god has a different idea. he wants more for our time spent in the wilderness. he wants us to serve him, and to serve him we have to seek him. my prayer is that i will be faithful in the lush, rainy seasons and in the dry, barren seasons.

-scripture says that god made a distinct difference between the israelites - his children - and the egyptians. he wanted it to be clear who belonged to him. i love that. he calls us out and separates us. in that truth alone, he is so good, and there is infinite reason to praise him.

i'm already excited about getting up at (ugh, 5 am) tomorrow, simply so i can sit in the quiet of the pitch black morning and bask in the words written to me from yahweh. here is my challenge to you, sweet friends: take some time to be quiet, be still, and read. soak up every word from god's heart to your heart. let him quiet you with his love. believe that he is rejoicing over you with singing, and that he delights in your desire to spend time with him. be encouraged that when you draw near to him, he promises to draw near to you.