disclaimer: this post is long!

i'm an old testament girl at heart. don't get me wrong, i love reading the words of the new testament, because it defines the ministry of christ and so beautifully portrays his person (and i supposed i'd be a little less of a christian if i didn' mention the gospel). but the old testament is so rich in imagery and history and stories and prophecies and foreshadowing of the promised messiah. i can hardly read anything in the old testament without being moved to tears. again, i'm not discounting the new testament or giving any more importance to the old, i'm just telling you that i love the OT.

i've been so slack in my posting over the past couple of weeks, but it's not because i haven't been in the word. oh my goodness, my time spent pouring over god's word over the past 15 days has been so rich, so intimate, so encouraging! i feel like i am learning so much that my heart cannot soak it all up, my mind can't process it all, and my blog can't do it any justice. trust me, friends: when you surrender your time spent with christ fully to christ, he will blow. your. mind. when it stops becoming "i have to" and starts becoming "i want to," his word will be so alive to you. when you start craving his word and his presence and his teaching, your heart will start to change - radically. i've always had quiet times and always believed in the importance of studying scripture, but recently god has totally shaken up my time with him. he's made it intentional and deliberate, and he's reminded me to seek him - not open my bible and read because i know i should - but to surrender my heart and spirit and mind to him totally and allow him to just teach me. i am spending more time with him than ever. i am learning more than ever. i am more encouraged than ever. i am more spiritually alive than ever. i literally feel like i cannot get enough of his word, and i've kind of always felt that way. i've always loved scripture and memorizing it and studying it, but i get so excited about waking up in the morning just to get to read a few verses before school. i look forward to my time with jesus in the afternoon/evening. oh, that you would each have this desire in your hearts!

my heart is so full tonight, and i want to share exactly what went on during my time in the word tonight.

i've been studying romans since january. yep. january. i started chapter ten today. who knew you could get so much out of so few verses at a time. i used to only feel like i had a quality quiet time if i had gotten through like four chapters. now i'm thrilled to study and meditate on four verses! anyway. here are the contents of my journal (edited where necessary) for you to ponder with me:

romans 10:1-13
verse 1) paul's heart and passion for people - i want to have a heart for people - for the nations, specifically. i want to have a holy desire, a real, deep, unsettling desire for them to know god - to be disciples, to love him, to love his word, and to obey him; jesus, "enlarge my heart" (psalm 119) for people; stir compassion in my heart for the lost.

verses 2-3) the israelites had zeal for god, but not a knowledgable zeal; they were "ignorant of god's righteousness" and they sought "to establish their own righteousness" - by this they "have no submitted to the righteousness of god." this is so true of a LOT of people and people groups - particularly those in the middle east; they try to work so hard to create their own righteousness - and that is so, so sad. the bible teaches - promises, even - that there is non who does good, and that even our righteous acts are filthy rags. we have no hope in and of ourselves; we are totally depraved; we have no hope apart from christ's righteousness imparted to us through the cross. only then, when we are "submitted to the righteousness of god" can his righteousness work in and through us, and our actions - our fruits - are pleasing to god (faith in christ's atoning work on the cross and HIS righteousness - hebrews 11 teaches that "without faith it is impossible to please god."). i never want to live my life in a way that i am ignorant of god's righteousness. i want to always remember and be dependant on his righteousness counting for me. i think this is why we will always sin on this side of eternity - to spur us on towards god (romans teaches that the law reveals sin which reveals our need for god.).

verse 4) POWER. "for christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes." christ is the end. that's it. it's done. that's why he cried out, "it is finished." he finished my work of righteousness. christ is also called the amen (revelation 3:14) and the alpha and omega (beginning and end). the "amen" means the guarantee, the sure thing, the promise, the one consistent truth. the finality (i LOVE that word) of christ's work on the cross should be first and foremost on my heart and mind every single day. a resounding "it is finished" should echo deep in my soul with every breath i take. my prayer is that jesus would help me to trust that it IS indeed finished - every failure, every fear, every hurt - it is finished. YOU finished my work. my soul and heart are free to enjoy the endless joy and hope and assurance that chirst's resurrecting power are alive in my life. when i mess up and feel like i'm a lost cause: it is finished. when i am struggling to let go of the past - hurts and failures and hang-ups: it is finished. when i'm scared of what's to come: it is finished. IT. IS. FINISHED. as a girl who so often struggles to trust (god and people), i don't feel like i have enough faith. god teaches in hebrews 12:2 that we have to "look to jesus, the author and perfector of our faith." i've got to constantly look to jesus to perfect and strengthen my faith. i can't do that on my own - no amount of prayer or quiet times can do that. it's jesus who works in my heart to develop and strengthen and perfect my faith.

in romans 10, paul uses scripture from deuteronomy 30:14 - "the word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart." this points me directly to psalm 119 - love the la of the lord; hide it in your heart so you know it and remember it and apply it and honor the lord. i continued reading through deuteronomy 30 and was so encouraged/challenged by verses 11-20:

"see, i have set before you this day life and death, good and evil, in that i command you today to lvoe the lord your god, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commandments, hs statutes, and his judgements, that you may live and multiply and the lord your god will bless you in the land you go to possess. but if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away, and worship other gods and serve them, i announce to you today that you shall surely perish; you shall not prolong your days in the land which you cross over the jordan to go in and possess. i call heaven and earth today as witnesses againstyou, that i have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore, choose life. that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the lord your god, that you may obey his voice, and that you may cling to him, for he is your life and the length of your days, and that you may dwell in the nd which the lord swore to your fathers, to abraham, issaac, and jacob, to give them."

my favorite verse: "cling to him, for he is your life." not a part of your life. not in your life. he. is. your. life. he is the fiber of my being; he is the breath in my lungs and the blood rushing through my veins. he is the beat of my heart. he is the threat of people, events, jobs, circumstances, and opportunities in my days. he is in the chaos and the calm. he is in the heartache and the joy. he is in the valley and on the mountain top. he is what breaks me and holds me togethers. he is the very meaning and purpose and desire of my existence. he is my life. i have nothing - i am nothing - apart from him. so what is my response to this truth? cling to him. CLING. you know what i think of when i hear the word "cling?" static cling. and i think that's exactly what god wants me to think of. i'm gonna cling to him with a death grip, white knuckles, for dear life, no matter what, with all i've got. because without him, i have no life. and the opposite of life, sweet friends, is death.

back to romans 10...

verse 9) promise: belive with your heart, and confess with your mouth, and you will be saved. how does this fit in to reformed theology (ps, first baptist friends, if you couldn't already tell from previous posts: i'm a reformed girl.)? submit to god - to his call - his initiation - he enlarges our hearts and gives us faith to trust him - he leads us to repentance, and thus, salvation (and again we see that salvation is an act initiated and completed by god).

verse 11) another promise: "whoever belives on him will not be put to shame." hallelujah for this promise! basically: you won't regret following him. will it be easy? nope. will it be fun? not always. but will it be worth it? absolutely! how could it not be with all the promises found in deuteronomy 30 and all throughout scripture??

verse 12) my god is the same god to all who call on him. i need to trust this when i am feeling like i'm being punished (or will be punished) for a mistake i've made, or maybe i don't have something that someone else does becuase i'm not as good as they are. i also need to trust this when i think i'm holier than another. god's desire is to bless us out of his riches in glory - all of us who are called by him. there is no partiality with god.

verse 13) "for whoever calls upon the name of the lord shall be saved." again, reformed theology: why did they call on the name of the lord? because god initiated with them. he placed the desire in their heart, because HE chose them. we don't chose god. he chooses us.

sweet friends, this is not even an INKLING into all that jesus has been teaching me lately. and this epic post is only over TEN verses that i have studied tonight! please, please trust me on this one: get in the word. cry out to god to meet with you and teach you, and he will. he will completely (and i hate beyond hate this phrase) rock your world. let him! it's so encouraging and exciting and refreshing! i am experiencing the renewing of my heart and mind daily in ways i never have before!