2 little nuggets for you this morning: (enjoy!)
three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and the unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.
-bertrand russell
whom have i in heaven but You?
and there is none upon this earth that i desire besides You.
my heart and my flesh my fail,
my God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
-psalm 73:25, 26
there may be more to come later, if i can find time to write! have a joyful day! : )
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
revelation song
watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3ccf079gJI
should put you on your face before our holy god!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3ccf079gJI
should put you on your face before our holy god!
psalm 71
i'm reading through psalms (rather leisurely, i might add). i started in january, i think, and i try to read one every day, though obviously since i started on january 1st and it's now april 28, and i'm only on psalm 71, i'm a tad bit behind.
anyway.
a few verses really stuck out to me, and i'm going to share them with you:
"be my strong refuge, to which i may resort continually." (v 3)
i've got to rely on jesus, on his love and grace and strength, with every breath i breathe. it's not enough for me to get up in the morning and ask the lord to help me. there's got to be a constant recognition of the truth that he is the sovereign, holy, and good god, and i need him.
"for you are my hope, o lord god, you are my trust from my youth; by you i have been upheld from birth; you are he who took me out of my mother's womb; my praise shall be continually of you." (v5, 6)
this verse is such affirmation of god's faithfulness; that's true of my life: he has protected me and provided for me and blessed me and shown me mercy every day of my life. why would i ever question his faithfulness or his goodness when my life proves that he is who his word says he is??
"let my mouth be filled with your praise and with your glory all the day." (v 8)
i need to make this my prayer every time i go to open my mouth. james talks about what a sinful thing the mouth can be, and i think most people would say that something they struggle with regularly has something to do with their mouth: inappropriate language, gossip, criticism, negativity, complaining, etc. every time i go to speak, i want this verse to come into my head. i want jesus to change my heart so much that his love and his praise and his glory are literally pouring out of my heart and my mouth and my life.
"my mouth shall tell of your righteousness and salvation all the day - for i do not know their limits." (v 15)
how true that is! the beauty of god's goodness and grace and mercy and love is that i will NEVER know their limits - there is no limit! praise the lord!
just a few simple truths for you to meditate on with me today. : )
anyway.
a few verses really stuck out to me, and i'm going to share them with you:
"be my strong refuge, to which i may resort continually." (v 3)
i've got to rely on jesus, on his love and grace and strength, with every breath i breathe. it's not enough for me to get up in the morning and ask the lord to help me. there's got to be a constant recognition of the truth that he is the sovereign, holy, and good god, and i need him.
"for you are my hope, o lord god, you are my trust from my youth; by you i have been upheld from birth; you are he who took me out of my mother's womb; my praise shall be continually of you." (v5, 6)
this verse is such affirmation of god's faithfulness; that's true of my life: he has protected me and provided for me and blessed me and shown me mercy every day of my life. why would i ever question his faithfulness or his goodness when my life proves that he is who his word says he is??
"let my mouth be filled with your praise and with your glory all the day." (v 8)
i need to make this my prayer every time i go to open my mouth. james talks about what a sinful thing the mouth can be, and i think most people would say that something they struggle with regularly has something to do with their mouth: inappropriate language, gossip, criticism, negativity, complaining, etc. every time i go to speak, i want this verse to come into my head. i want jesus to change my heart so much that his love and his praise and his glory are literally pouring out of my heart and my mouth and my life.
"my mouth shall tell of your righteousness and salvation all the day - for i do not know their limits." (v 15)
how true that is! the beauty of god's goodness and grace and mercy and love is that i will NEVER know their limits - there is no limit! praise the lord!
just a few simple truths for you to meditate on with me today. : )
Monday, April 27, 2009
community
this weekend i feel like i really experienced community the way jesus intended.
friday night elizabeth and i had dinner with three of our close guy friends from clemson. it was a really fun night, and we ended up sitting around sharing some pretty intimate situations, thoughts, and feelings, and encouraging and supporting each other. it was really great to have that kind of dinner. don't get me wrong, we were laughing so hard and loud for most of the meal that neighboring tables were giving us the "stink eye," as liz puts it. but it was still really nice to just talk and be honest and fellowship.
saturday night i went to the "young professionals" cookout with my brushy creek friends. we ate outside, and when it got dark, we lit candles and tiki torches and sat out on the deck talking. we talked about the vision for our group, we prayed together and for each other, we read scripture together, we shared what the lord is teaching us, we sang a couple of verses of "amazing grace," and we heard a testimony from one of our own. it was such sweet fellowship of building each other up, encouraging each other, and talking about jesus. we spent some time just talking about how when we meet together, we need to leave feeling as though we've met with the lord. so true! sometimes i can have the attitude of we're just going to "hangout." but that's not the attitude i should have. everytime i spend time with my brothers and sisters in christ, we should be rejoicing, celebrating, and worshipping. we should always be about the business of christ. he should always be on my tongue and in my mind and on my heart.
i think about the word "koinonia." my discipler in high school, amanda, talked about this a lot, and it's always stuck with me. koinonia is a greek word that describes the body of christ - fellowship - as it was intended. it's used a lot to describe what the early church was like (see acts 2). the early church was so beautiful.
now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need. so continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising god and having favor with all the people. and the lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.
-acts 2:42-47
the early church was so excited just to be together. they cherished those moments to eat together and talk and just hang out - but they were always focused on the one who had given them such sweet fellowship. they were about the business of christ all the time. what a beautiful example of the church, the way they divided up all their stuff and gave it away to each other when someone was in need. they were in "one accord" and "simplicity of heart." so much of the time i think we fail to practice having simplicity of heart, and too often get focused on things that don't matter. jesus is what matters. jesus is who brings us together. jesus is who we celebrate and praise and rejoice in. not church doctrine, not denomination, not worship styles. it's jesus.
i want just a taste - only a taste! - of what the early church experienced. i'm praying for that in my life.
friday night elizabeth and i had dinner with three of our close guy friends from clemson. it was a really fun night, and we ended up sitting around sharing some pretty intimate situations, thoughts, and feelings, and encouraging and supporting each other. it was really great to have that kind of dinner. don't get me wrong, we were laughing so hard and loud for most of the meal that neighboring tables were giving us the "stink eye," as liz puts it. but it was still really nice to just talk and be honest and fellowship.
saturday night i went to the "young professionals" cookout with my brushy creek friends. we ate outside, and when it got dark, we lit candles and tiki torches and sat out on the deck talking. we talked about the vision for our group, we prayed together and for each other, we read scripture together, we shared what the lord is teaching us, we sang a couple of verses of "amazing grace," and we heard a testimony from one of our own. it was such sweet fellowship of building each other up, encouraging each other, and talking about jesus. we spent some time just talking about how when we meet together, we need to leave feeling as though we've met with the lord. so true! sometimes i can have the attitude of we're just going to "hangout." but that's not the attitude i should have. everytime i spend time with my brothers and sisters in christ, we should be rejoicing, celebrating, and worshipping. we should always be about the business of christ. he should always be on my tongue and in my mind and on my heart.
i think about the word "koinonia." my discipler in high school, amanda, talked about this a lot, and it's always stuck with me. koinonia is a greek word that describes the body of christ - fellowship - as it was intended. it's used a lot to describe what the early church was like (see acts 2). the early church was so beautiful.
now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need. so continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising god and having favor with all the people. and the lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.
-acts 2:42-47
the early church was so excited just to be together. they cherished those moments to eat together and talk and just hang out - but they were always focused on the one who had given them such sweet fellowship. they were about the business of christ all the time. what a beautiful example of the church, the way they divided up all their stuff and gave it away to each other when someone was in need. they were in "one accord" and "simplicity of heart." so much of the time i think we fail to practice having simplicity of heart, and too often get focused on things that don't matter. jesus is what matters. jesus is who brings us together. jesus is who we celebrate and praise and rejoice in. not church doctrine, not denomination, not worship styles. it's jesus.
i want just a taste - only a taste! - of what the early church experienced. i'm praying for that in my life.
Friday, April 24, 2009
sweet you rock and sweet you roll
today my life was totally put into perspective. sometimes i am so quick to complain about a bad day or something that has gone wrong. and while i've been through my share of "crap," i often forget that there are people who look at my life and long to switch places with me.
i was working with a volunteer today, when jesus gave me this great revelation. the volunteer comes in a few times a week, and seems to enjoy working with me. i don't mind, because we get to talk alot, and she is a huge help. we're the same age, but i think it was obvoius to both of us on day one that we came from extremely different backgrounds and families. today we were working an event, and she started asking me a lot of questions about my life and my family and college and my job. i started talking about all of those things - and if you know me at all, you know that i can go on and on about those things - and then i asked her about her family. she opened up to me about her family, how it is broken and her father passed away from alcoholism, her mother is a recovering drug addict, and she kind of got left behind when she was a child. she didn't have much guidance, so she got into some bad situations, but now she wants to get her life headed in the right direction, she just doesn't feel like she has the means to do it. then she said this (through tears, i might add): "you have the picture perfect life. i can see that. you've got a great family, you have a good job, you got to go to college for 4 years and get a degree, you're pretty, and you have a great personality. i don't understand why i didn't get to have that. i don't understand why some people get to have your life, and i had to have my life." she broke my heart. i started to get emotional, too, and i felt terrible, because i couldn't say anything. she's right. my life is pretty amazing. my parents were (are) awesome and raised me in the church, i have a brother who i'm close to and who is going to do great things with his life. not only that but i have extended family who play a huge part in my life and who i talk to on a regular basis. then i have this incredible group of friends (who might as well be family) who love me and support me. my parents put me through college. they helped me get my apartment. they bought all my furniture. they still help me out if i need it. i got a great job right out of college, and i can take care of myself financially.
it makes no sense to me either. i don't know why i got to have my life, and she has her life. it makes my heart ache though, to think that yesterday i was having such a bad day (and it wasn't a great day), but in reality, it wasn't a "bad" day at all. i woke up. i had breakfast. i got to take a hot shower with expensive shampoo and put on cute clothes that i bought because i felt like it. i drove to a job that i love and that pays me well in an extremely nice car that my parents gave to me as a birthday present. i had money to buy my lunch. i was healthy enough to work out. then i got to go to the grocery store and by eighty dollars worth of groceries - much of which i will waste. i don't know why i get to have my life.
what i do know is that i have an opportunity to build a relationship with my new friend. i can support her and encourage her as she tries to get her life straight. i can tell her that the only reason i have that my life is so good is because i know the god who is so, so good. i can point her to him every time i talk to her. i can show her compassion and kindness that she might not have known before. i can be her friend, even though most people wouldn't understand why we're friends. she's not a project. she's a person. a person with real hurts and real struggles and real frustrations. and i'm going to let christ breathe all over her through me, because she needs that.
oh man. i needed that. i needed a wake up call to the goodness of my father. he is good, because of NOTHING i have done. absolutely nothing. that is just plain crazy to me, because if anything, i've given him plenty of reason to NOT be so good to me. it brings me to tears. i get to have this life, because he gave me this life. and while i still don't know why my friend has the life she does, i can show her the one who can give her life that is rich and full.
i was working with a volunteer today, when jesus gave me this great revelation. the volunteer comes in a few times a week, and seems to enjoy working with me. i don't mind, because we get to talk alot, and she is a huge help. we're the same age, but i think it was obvoius to both of us on day one that we came from extremely different backgrounds and families. today we were working an event, and she started asking me a lot of questions about my life and my family and college and my job. i started talking about all of those things - and if you know me at all, you know that i can go on and on about those things - and then i asked her about her family. she opened up to me about her family, how it is broken and her father passed away from alcoholism, her mother is a recovering drug addict, and she kind of got left behind when she was a child. she didn't have much guidance, so she got into some bad situations, but now she wants to get her life headed in the right direction, she just doesn't feel like she has the means to do it. then she said this (through tears, i might add): "you have the picture perfect life. i can see that. you've got a great family, you have a good job, you got to go to college for 4 years and get a degree, you're pretty, and you have a great personality. i don't understand why i didn't get to have that. i don't understand why some people get to have your life, and i had to have my life." she broke my heart. i started to get emotional, too, and i felt terrible, because i couldn't say anything. she's right. my life is pretty amazing. my parents were (are) awesome and raised me in the church, i have a brother who i'm close to and who is going to do great things with his life. not only that but i have extended family who play a huge part in my life and who i talk to on a regular basis. then i have this incredible group of friends (who might as well be family) who love me and support me. my parents put me through college. they helped me get my apartment. they bought all my furniture. they still help me out if i need it. i got a great job right out of college, and i can take care of myself financially.
it makes no sense to me either. i don't know why i got to have my life, and she has her life. it makes my heart ache though, to think that yesterday i was having such a bad day (and it wasn't a great day), but in reality, it wasn't a "bad" day at all. i woke up. i had breakfast. i got to take a hot shower with expensive shampoo and put on cute clothes that i bought because i felt like it. i drove to a job that i love and that pays me well in an extremely nice car that my parents gave to me as a birthday present. i had money to buy my lunch. i was healthy enough to work out. then i got to go to the grocery store and by eighty dollars worth of groceries - much of which i will waste. i don't know why i get to have my life.
what i do know is that i have an opportunity to build a relationship with my new friend. i can support her and encourage her as she tries to get her life straight. i can tell her that the only reason i have that my life is so good is because i know the god who is so, so good. i can point her to him every time i talk to her. i can show her compassion and kindness that she might not have known before. i can be her friend, even though most people wouldn't understand why we're friends. she's not a project. she's a person. a person with real hurts and real struggles and real frustrations. and i'm going to let christ breathe all over her through me, because she needs that.
oh man. i needed that. i needed a wake up call to the goodness of my father. he is good, because of NOTHING i have done. absolutely nothing. that is just plain crazy to me, because if anything, i've given him plenty of reason to NOT be so good to me. it brings me to tears. i get to have this life, because he gave me this life. and while i still don't know why my friend has the life she does, i can show her the one who can give her life that is rich and full.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
for your reading (and listening) pleasure
She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call
from our knees
We're gonna get there soon
If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away
I'm gonna get there soon
She's gonna be there too
Cryin' in her room
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon
Oh it's your light
Oh it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Meet me once again
Down off Lake Michigan
Where we could feel the storm blowin
Down with the wind
And don't apologize
For all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now for all your life
I'm gonna get there soon
You're gonna be there too
Cryin' in your room
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon
Oh it's your light
Oh it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Cause you are all that I've waited for
All of my life
(We're gonna get there)
You are all that I've waited for
All of my life
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Pull me closer to love
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Closer to love
Closer to love
Pull me closer to love
-Mat Kearney
"closer to love" - go find and download/buy this song now.
and also, you should watch this. if it doesn't move you, you need to check your pulse.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DWVFe-C--dfo&h=323c6d953453f061e2e5ebc3b95ca186
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call
from our knees
We're gonna get there soon
If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away
I'm gonna get there soon
She's gonna be there too
Cryin' in her room
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon
Oh it's your light
Oh it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Meet me once again
Down off Lake Michigan
Where we could feel the storm blowin
Down with the wind
And don't apologize
For all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now for all your life
I'm gonna get there soon
You're gonna be there too
Cryin' in your room
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon
Oh it's your light
Oh it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Cause you are all that I've waited for
All of my life
(We're gonna get there)
You are all that I've waited for
All of my life
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Pull me closer to love
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Closer to love
Closer to love
Pull me closer to love
-Mat Kearney
"closer to love" - go find and download/buy this song now.
and also, you should watch this. if it doesn't move you, you need to check your pulse.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DWVFe-C--dfo&h=323c6d953453f061e2e5ebc3b95ca186
people all over the world join hands
it's time for a new font. i got tired of looking at that little, squinty writing all over my blog. i'm sure your eyes could use the break, too.
happy earth day! i don't think the weather could have cooperated any better to give us a more beautiful day to celebrate!
it's been a few days, or more like a week maybe, since i've updated you on the happenings in my life and the things i've been learning lately. so put on your seat belt and hold on because here we go!
1. it is very, very hard for me to trust people. i've recently learned that. i knew it was something i would probably struggle with, but oh man. i'm not going to go into detail, but thankfully, i have some pretty great friends (sara, liz, lindsey, angela) who are walking with me in this battle. something angela told me really struck me. she said, "ashley, i think you really need another life experience to override the one you can't get past." ah! she's so right! when i think about my life in recent years, pretty much everything since april of 2007 has been affected by what happened in april of 2007. i've had a GREAT two years, but i can't think of anything significant that has happened since then. i keep going back to that. if i'm not pushing myself to move forward, if i'm not pushing myself to have and create new life experiences, i'm not going to! whoa. that is liberating! i don't have to be stuck on this!
2. sara and i were talking the other night about something we keep going back to over and over again. we don't know and trust who God really is. think about this with me for a second. how much of the time do you feel guilty for something you did or did not do? how often are you expecting something bad to happen in your life as a result of God punishing you? if we all answered honestly, i think the answer would be a LOT. we don't take God at His word. we don't trust that when He says it's got nothing to do with us, that it's really got nothing to do with us. He doesn't bless me because I'm good. He blesses me because He's good. He doesn't punish me when i mess up because Christ already took that punishment. why, why, WHY do i refuse to learn this lesson? why do i choose to live fearfully when i don't have to?
3. last night i was reading in psalm 68 (or 69, don't remember, 68 i think), and one verse says "let the righteous rejoice." for a split second i though, "oh man, i wish i were one of the righteous," because i was thinking of a saint or something. then the Lord spoke to my heart and said, "but ashley, you ARE righteous, because i made you that way." because of Jesus' work on the cross, i'm counted righteous. i have GREAT reason to rejoice. i get to celebrate my way through life! hallelujah!
praying that we all trust these things and live these things!
happy earth day! i don't think the weather could have cooperated any better to give us a more beautiful day to celebrate!
it's been a few days, or more like a week maybe, since i've updated you on the happenings in my life and the things i've been learning lately. so put on your seat belt and hold on because here we go!
1. it is very, very hard for me to trust people. i've recently learned that. i knew it was something i would probably struggle with, but oh man. i'm not going to go into detail, but thankfully, i have some pretty great friends (sara, liz, lindsey, angela) who are walking with me in this battle. something angela told me really struck me. she said, "ashley, i think you really need another life experience to override the one you can't get past." ah! she's so right! when i think about my life in recent years, pretty much everything since april of 2007 has been affected by what happened in april of 2007. i've had a GREAT two years, but i can't think of anything significant that has happened since then. i keep going back to that. if i'm not pushing myself to move forward, if i'm not pushing myself to have and create new life experiences, i'm not going to! whoa. that is liberating! i don't have to be stuck on this!
2. sara and i were talking the other night about something we keep going back to over and over again. we don't know and trust who God really is. think about this with me for a second. how much of the time do you feel guilty for something you did or did not do? how often are you expecting something bad to happen in your life as a result of God punishing you? if we all answered honestly, i think the answer would be a LOT. we don't take God at His word. we don't trust that when He says it's got nothing to do with us, that it's really got nothing to do with us. He doesn't bless me because I'm good. He blesses me because He's good. He doesn't punish me when i mess up because Christ already took that punishment. why, why, WHY do i refuse to learn this lesson? why do i choose to live fearfully when i don't have to?
3. last night i was reading in psalm 68 (or 69, don't remember, 68 i think), and one verse says "let the righteous rejoice." for a split second i though, "oh man, i wish i were one of the righteous," because i was thinking of a saint or something. then the Lord spoke to my heart and said, "but ashley, you ARE righteous, because i made you that way." because of Jesus' work on the cross, i'm counted righteous. i have GREAT reason to rejoice. i get to celebrate my way through life! hallelujah!
praying that we all trust these things and live these things!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
this message will self-destruct
today your job is to read my brother's kick-butt blog.
graygardner.wordpress.com
graygardner.wordpress.com
Thursday, April 9, 2009
my cup runneth over
there are days when i am so full of joy and gratitude that i literally feel like i am going to overflow. today is one of those days. i've been studying luke this week, getting a feel for the week leading up to jesus' crucifixtion, death, and resurrection. this morning during my quiet time i read about the lord's supper. the passover itself goes waaay back to the old testament with moses and the children of israel, but the lord's supper is so much more than just a passover meal. just picture this:
jesus knows what's about to happen. in fact, his whole life - his whole existence - his whole purpose - is about to come down to three very important days. so jesus knows that tomorrow is upon him. this day that has been pointed out in history for all of eternity, is finally here. and i have to say that i think jesus was probably dreading it. he obviously wanted to be obedient and wanted to save his people from the very agony he was about to face, but you have to remember that he was still completely human. and not a human i know would be excited about enduring multiple beatings, a crown of thorns, and a cross. i kind of think about how a couple of years ago i had to have a procedure done on my heart. i dreaded it for months, but once it was finally here - the day before - i was a basketcase. i was scared to the point that i was physically sick. i cried and cried and cried. and that was just becaused i was having a tube put down my throat to check my heart. jesus was about to experience the unimaginable. not only would the pain be complete and utter torture, but what's even more heart-wrenching is that for the first time in ETERNITY, he would know sin. he would be sin. and he would be seperated from his father. i cannot even imagine how he prepared himself for what was coming.
so here he is, in the midst of a huge emotional and mental (and soon to be physical) struggle, and jesus wants to sit down and share the passover with his 12 best friends. the word says he had a "fervent desire" to share this passover meal with his disciples. why? because he knew what was coming. he took this last opportunity to be with them, share intimate conversation with them, sit near them, fellowship with them, love on them, and try to help them understand what the next day would bring. but they didn't get it. instead, the disciples only a few verses later are arguing about which of them is the greatest.
that part of the story made me want to just grab the disciples by their shoulders and shake them! wake up! jesus is trying to tell you what's about to happen to him! he's trying to explain to you what his whole life has been leading up to - what this whole ministry has been pointing to! but they were too busy with other things. i can imagine that it must have hurt jesus' heart a little bit to be trying to help his best friends - his brothers - his constant companions - understand this confusing, sad, mysterious, and scary situation, and watch them disregard it and worry over which of them was the greatest disciple. they just didn't have a clue.
a lot of the time, that's me. i just don't have a clue. i feel like every day jesus wants to sit down with me at the passover table and spend time with me, remind me of his body and his blood, love on me, wash me, and just be with me. and a lot of the time i just completely disregard his message for something of lesser importance - usually something of zero importance. this "holy weekend" shouldn't be the only time i think about the passover, or the lord's supper, or the cross. i should sit at the table EVERY day. i should feast on christ's body and blood every day - every moment - of my life. i should rest in intimate fellowship with him always. i should remember the cross with every breath i take.
i am so thankful for the cross. i'm so thankful for the ugly act that it was but for the beauty that it brought about. i'm thankful for the veil that was torn so that every time i cry out to jesus, he is never out of reach - he always hears me. i am thankful that there is nothing left to fear, because jesus conquered sin, and death, and condemnation forever when he opened his eyes and took a breath on easter morning. i cannot imagine my life without the cross.
look at my hands, my side
they swallowed the grave on that night
when i drank the world's sin
so i could carry you in
and give you life
i want to give you life
-tenth avenue north
i heard an old, old story
how a savior came from glory
how he gave his life on calvary
to save a wretch like me
i heard about his groaning
and his precious blood's atoning
then i repented of my sins
and won the victory
o, victory in jesus
my savior forever
he sought me and bought me
with his redeeming blood
he loved me ere i knew him
and all my love is due me
he plunged me to victory
beneath the cleansing flood
-e.m. bartlett
jesus knows what's about to happen. in fact, his whole life - his whole existence - his whole purpose - is about to come down to three very important days. so jesus knows that tomorrow is upon him. this day that has been pointed out in history for all of eternity, is finally here. and i have to say that i think jesus was probably dreading it. he obviously wanted to be obedient and wanted to save his people from the very agony he was about to face, but you have to remember that he was still completely human. and not a human i know would be excited about enduring multiple beatings, a crown of thorns, and a cross. i kind of think about how a couple of years ago i had to have a procedure done on my heart. i dreaded it for months, but once it was finally here - the day before - i was a basketcase. i was scared to the point that i was physically sick. i cried and cried and cried. and that was just becaused i was having a tube put down my throat to check my heart. jesus was about to experience the unimaginable. not only would the pain be complete and utter torture, but what's even more heart-wrenching is that for the first time in ETERNITY, he would know sin. he would be sin. and he would be seperated from his father. i cannot even imagine how he prepared himself for what was coming.
so here he is, in the midst of a huge emotional and mental (and soon to be physical) struggle, and jesus wants to sit down and share the passover with his 12 best friends. the word says he had a "fervent desire" to share this passover meal with his disciples. why? because he knew what was coming. he took this last opportunity to be with them, share intimate conversation with them, sit near them, fellowship with them, love on them, and try to help them understand what the next day would bring. but they didn't get it. instead, the disciples only a few verses later are arguing about which of them is the greatest.
that part of the story made me want to just grab the disciples by their shoulders and shake them! wake up! jesus is trying to tell you what's about to happen to him! he's trying to explain to you what his whole life has been leading up to - what this whole ministry has been pointing to! but they were too busy with other things. i can imagine that it must have hurt jesus' heart a little bit to be trying to help his best friends - his brothers - his constant companions - understand this confusing, sad, mysterious, and scary situation, and watch them disregard it and worry over which of them was the greatest disciple. they just didn't have a clue.
a lot of the time, that's me. i just don't have a clue. i feel like every day jesus wants to sit down with me at the passover table and spend time with me, remind me of his body and his blood, love on me, wash me, and just be with me. and a lot of the time i just completely disregard his message for something of lesser importance - usually something of zero importance. this "holy weekend" shouldn't be the only time i think about the passover, or the lord's supper, or the cross. i should sit at the table EVERY day. i should feast on christ's body and blood every day - every moment - of my life. i should rest in intimate fellowship with him always. i should remember the cross with every breath i take.
i am so thankful for the cross. i'm so thankful for the ugly act that it was but for the beauty that it brought about. i'm thankful for the veil that was torn so that every time i cry out to jesus, he is never out of reach - he always hears me. i am thankful that there is nothing left to fear, because jesus conquered sin, and death, and condemnation forever when he opened his eyes and took a breath on easter morning. i cannot imagine my life without the cross.
look at my hands, my side
they swallowed the grave on that night
when i drank the world's sin
so i could carry you in
and give you life
i want to give you life
-tenth avenue north
i heard an old, old story
how a savior came from glory
how he gave his life on calvary
to save a wretch like me
i heard about his groaning
and his precious blood's atoning
then i repented of my sins
and won the victory
o, victory in jesus
my savior forever
he sought me and bought me
with his redeeming blood
he loved me ere i knew him
and all my love is due me
he plunged me to victory
beneath the cleansing flood
-e.m. bartlett
but thanks be to god, who gives us victory through our lord jesus christ!
1 corinthians 15:57
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
favorite lyrics today
I tasted, tasted love so sweet
And all of it was lost on me
Bought and sold like property
Sugar on my tongue
I kept falling over
I kept looking backward
I went broke believing
That the simple should be hard
All we are, we are
All we are, we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful
-Matt Nathanson
there's no point to right and wrong, the heart must go where it belongs
okay. you might need to brace yourself before reading this post. men and women alike. i'm about to unleash a few months worth of bottled up rage towards a certain subject. not only rage, but insight, and wisdom, and frustration, and laughs, and in general, the outspewing of my heart and mind. you ready for this? dating. (insert scary, dramatic music here) let me say before i even dive into this, that i am guilty of everything that i am going to complain about. so if any (or all) of this applies to you, you're not alone. i've been there.
confession: sometimes i feel like i am repelling guys. have you seen "how to lose a guy in 10 days"? that is the story of my life. except i can do it in about 10 minutes, and i don't even know what i do...usually. i get so sick of seeing guys pick the wrong girl. the girl who has no morals, no wit, no intelligence, no charm, no independence, no passion, and let's face it, who probably isn't very attractive. why do they do this? why do guys pick these girls? i think it's because they're scared. those are the easy girls to ask out, because chances are, they're going to say yes. while i am fully aware that i am not perfect - i do not look like heidi klum; i say the wrong thing most of the time; i can be difficult and stubborn; i am emotional; i have plenty of flaws that i will not share for all the world wide web to read - i have a healthy dose of self-confidence, and i think i'm pretty great. and before you get your panties all in a wad and think that i'm conceited, just do me a favor and close this window, because you clearly don't know me at all. i am who i am and what i am, because of what jesus has done in my life - because of who jesus has created me to be. i've got a solid relationship with christ, i'm independent, i'm confident, i'm witty, i'm fun, i'm generous, i'm compassionate and kind. i know that i'm going to be a great wife and mother, because jesus is preparing me for that now. i have nothing to do with the good parts of me, and i know that. now. if i'm so great, why are all these guys passing me up for girls who are mediocre versions of me and many other women like me? because they're a bunch of pansies. i'm sorry, men, but yall do a pretty sucky job of being men. if you like a woman, if you have even the slightest bit of interest in her, TELL HER. ask her out. get her phone number or email address and CONTACT HER. one of the biggest turn-offs for me is a guy who just refuses to act like he has some testosterone pumping through his body and cannot even SPEAK to a girl he has feelings for in front of her friends or his friends or not even at all. that's the most backward and ridiculous thing i've ever witnessed and experienced. women don't need a huge romantic gesture. we don't need "i love you" written in the sky by an airplane. we don't need "marry me" on a billboard on the side of the road. we need you to say, "hey, i think you're really pretty and a lot of fun. i'd like to take you to dinner and a movie." that's all it takes. i mean, i'm making this pretty easy for you, i think. it's like i'm feeding you your lines. and i may be alone on this point, but i like (i need, rather) to be TOLD what i'm doing. tell me you like me. tell me that you're going to take me out. tell me when you're going to pick me up. tell me where we're going. this wishy-washy crap of maybe liking a girl, maybe not, but being too scared to ask her out, and then if you do ask her out pull this "so where do you want to eat?" garbage - DOES NOT CUT IT. have a plan. open doors. pay for her. call if you say you're going to call. a text message is not, in fact, the same thing. for too long, women have been led on by worthless men, so if you like us you're going to have to be pretty obvious about it, because we're a little jaded from all the years of analyzing words and inflections in voice and brushing shoulders and texts and looks. if you're taking a girl out, paying for her dinner, and continue to do this over a period of time, you can expect her to think you might like her. if you do, great. if you don't, do her a favor and let her know that you're glad yall are such good FRIENDS. be a man and be honest. yall seem to pride yourselves in being manly and being in control. well here's your chance. in fact, there's no better way to really show the world that you're a man than by pursuing a woman the right way. so get some standards, get some nerve, and start pursuing the right women the right way.
now. ladies. you didn't think you were going to get out of this, did you? though men do their fair share to screw up, we do nothing to make it easier on them. most of us spend the majority of our lives pining over guys who just don't seem to notice us. then we get mad when another guy does like us, because he's not the guy we like. trust me. i know. we get messed up in wrong relationships, because we got tired of waiting for the right guy and settled for one who paid us a little attention. women: get some standards. seriously. you don't have to go out with every guy who asks you out. you don't have to kiss every guy who tries to kiss you. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SETTLE. and believe me, i've done a fair amount of settling. i've liked many-a-guy who has not even known that i was in his atmosphere. and let me tell you, that's the stupidest thing we do. if he doesn't recognize how truly remarkable you are, then do you really want to be with him anyway? i hope not. but we've got to stop blaming guys for how emotionally damaged we are. we bring a lot of it on ourselves. stop giving so much of yourself over (emotionally and mentally speaking) to a guy if you know he's not interested. suck it up, and get over it! i know it's hard and i know it hurts, but seriously - get a grip; we've all been there. if you know you shouldn't be involved with a guy - don't get involved. be a grown-up for about 10 seconds and make a smart decision. i know everybody messes up, believe me, i know (if you've read any of my blogs, you know that i have messed up). but seriously? how many times should you best friend have to listen to you whine and cry about the same guy and the same situation and the same crap? i'll give you 2 times, and then you should be smart enough and have self-respect enough to stop wasting your time on a loser. you can't expect to be in a real, adult relationship if you're messing around with guys who are not mature and who are not ready for the same things you are. again, i know this. the best thing i ever did was write down my list of "must-haves" in my journal. i made a list of the things that ANY guy i would ever get involved in had to have. number one is: he must love jesus MORE than he loves me. also on my list are things like compassion, financially responsible, family-oriented, etc. make some standards, and at the first sign of your man not making the cut: drop him like he's hot. another fantastic thing i did was make a list of dating standards - things i've decided NOW, before i ever have a real, serious relationship. things about what i'll accept emotionally, physically, socially, etc. these are things that i WILL NOT COMPROMISE. period. i've made the decision, and it's not going to change. and i will not be with any guy who does not RESPECT me for that and who does not work towards those things with me. so women, don't get involved with a man just to have somebody buy your dinner or take you to a movie or cuddle with. it's not worth it. now, although earlier i said that you don't have to go out with every guy who asks you to go out, i do think we need to be a little more open-minded. don't shoot somebody down because he doesn't drive the kind of truck you want your future husband to drive. use good judgement. if he doesn't seem like a good guy, he probably isn't, so don't go out with him. if you're not attracted to him, don't go out with him if you don't want to. but if he's a good guy, and you think you'd have fun, give him a chance. this makes them a little more prone to actually ask women out on dates. also, guys think differently. and while they need to take dating a little more seriously than "whatever, it's just dinner," you also can't expect them to be planning to marry you after 2 dates. so don't get mad when they're not there yet.
after (not too many) years of crappy dates and crappy guys, i have come to the liberating decision that i am DONE with this. this cannot be how God intended for us to date. this is crap. it's frustrating (for men and women). it's not fun. it's confusing. and it's painful. so i'm not doing it anymore. i don't mean i'm not dating, i just mean i'm not going about this the same way anymore. i want to meet someone and fall in love and get married. i really, really do. but i wash my hands of this stupidity that society calls dating. if you like me, great. tell me. ask me out. if i like you, and you don't like me, fine. i'm not wasting my time wishing you would, because that's just pointless. i'd rather wait for someone who really appreciates me. men are not potential husbands, they are brothers in Christ, and they are people who just happen to be anatomically different than women. (lindsey, i bet you didn't think i'd add that part, did you?!) i'm not going to waste time analyzing conversations and actions and what he did or didn't do or said or didn't say. i'm just not doing it. i'm not going to complain to my girl friends about how immature guys are or how stupid they are or how frustrating they are. i'm not going to mourn the loss of another tall guy to a short girl, or bitterly announce that another great guy has gotten engaged to a woman who isn't me. i'm not going to worry about finding a date to weddings. i'm not going to practice saying or doing the right things. i'm not going to scan the room for cute guys at restaurants. i'm just over it. i'm so sick and tired of it. and i'm not doing it this way anymore. i'm going to wait. and enjoy this time. and enjoy my freedom. and enjoy my friendships. and continue working on me. and i'm going to love on jesus, and spend time with him, and trust him to bring me the right man and the right time, and trust him to help me focus on himself and on bringing him glory instead of fretting because i'm not dating. so there.
comments, encouragement, thoughts, hate mail are welcome. : )
confession: sometimes i feel like i am repelling guys. have you seen "how to lose a guy in 10 days"? that is the story of my life. except i can do it in about 10 minutes, and i don't even know what i do...usually. i get so sick of seeing guys pick the wrong girl. the girl who has no morals, no wit, no intelligence, no charm, no independence, no passion, and let's face it, who probably isn't very attractive. why do they do this? why do guys pick these girls? i think it's because they're scared. those are the easy girls to ask out, because chances are, they're going to say yes. while i am fully aware that i am not perfect - i do not look like heidi klum; i say the wrong thing most of the time; i can be difficult and stubborn; i am emotional; i have plenty of flaws that i will not share for all the world wide web to read - i have a healthy dose of self-confidence, and i think i'm pretty great. and before you get your panties all in a wad and think that i'm conceited, just do me a favor and close this window, because you clearly don't know me at all. i am who i am and what i am, because of what jesus has done in my life - because of who jesus has created me to be. i've got a solid relationship with christ, i'm independent, i'm confident, i'm witty, i'm fun, i'm generous, i'm compassionate and kind. i know that i'm going to be a great wife and mother, because jesus is preparing me for that now. i have nothing to do with the good parts of me, and i know that. now. if i'm so great, why are all these guys passing me up for girls who are mediocre versions of me and many other women like me? because they're a bunch of pansies. i'm sorry, men, but yall do a pretty sucky job of being men. if you like a woman, if you have even the slightest bit of interest in her, TELL HER. ask her out. get her phone number or email address and CONTACT HER. one of the biggest turn-offs for me is a guy who just refuses to act like he has some testosterone pumping through his body and cannot even SPEAK to a girl he has feelings for in front of her friends or his friends or not even at all. that's the most backward and ridiculous thing i've ever witnessed and experienced. women don't need a huge romantic gesture. we don't need "i love you" written in the sky by an airplane. we don't need "marry me" on a billboard on the side of the road. we need you to say, "hey, i think you're really pretty and a lot of fun. i'd like to take you to dinner and a movie." that's all it takes. i mean, i'm making this pretty easy for you, i think. it's like i'm feeding you your lines. and i may be alone on this point, but i like (i need, rather) to be TOLD what i'm doing. tell me you like me. tell me that you're going to take me out. tell me when you're going to pick me up. tell me where we're going. this wishy-washy crap of maybe liking a girl, maybe not, but being too scared to ask her out, and then if you do ask her out pull this "so where do you want to eat?" garbage - DOES NOT CUT IT. have a plan. open doors. pay for her. call if you say you're going to call. a text message is not, in fact, the same thing. for too long, women have been led on by worthless men, so if you like us you're going to have to be pretty obvious about it, because we're a little jaded from all the years of analyzing words and inflections in voice and brushing shoulders and texts and looks. if you're taking a girl out, paying for her dinner, and continue to do this over a period of time, you can expect her to think you might like her. if you do, great. if you don't, do her a favor and let her know that you're glad yall are such good FRIENDS. be a man and be honest. yall seem to pride yourselves in being manly and being in control. well here's your chance. in fact, there's no better way to really show the world that you're a man than by pursuing a woman the right way. so get some standards, get some nerve, and start pursuing the right women the right way.
now. ladies. you didn't think you were going to get out of this, did you? though men do their fair share to screw up, we do nothing to make it easier on them. most of us spend the majority of our lives pining over guys who just don't seem to notice us. then we get mad when another guy does like us, because he's not the guy we like. trust me. i know. we get messed up in wrong relationships, because we got tired of waiting for the right guy and settled for one who paid us a little attention. women: get some standards. seriously. you don't have to go out with every guy who asks you out. you don't have to kiss every guy who tries to kiss you. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SETTLE. and believe me, i've done a fair amount of settling. i've liked many-a-guy who has not even known that i was in his atmosphere. and let me tell you, that's the stupidest thing we do. if he doesn't recognize how truly remarkable you are, then do you really want to be with him anyway? i hope not. but we've got to stop blaming guys for how emotionally damaged we are. we bring a lot of it on ourselves. stop giving so much of yourself over (emotionally and mentally speaking) to a guy if you know he's not interested. suck it up, and get over it! i know it's hard and i know it hurts, but seriously - get a grip; we've all been there. if you know you shouldn't be involved with a guy - don't get involved. be a grown-up for about 10 seconds and make a smart decision. i know everybody messes up, believe me, i know (if you've read any of my blogs, you know that i have messed up). but seriously? how many times should you best friend have to listen to you whine and cry about the same guy and the same situation and the same crap? i'll give you 2 times, and then you should be smart enough and have self-respect enough to stop wasting your time on a loser. you can't expect to be in a real, adult relationship if you're messing around with guys who are not mature and who are not ready for the same things you are. again, i know this. the best thing i ever did was write down my list of "must-haves" in my journal. i made a list of the things that ANY guy i would ever get involved in had to have. number one is: he must love jesus MORE than he loves me. also on my list are things like compassion, financially responsible, family-oriented, etc. make some standards, and at the first sign of your man not making the cut: drop him like he's hot. another fantastic thing i did was make a list of dating standards - things i've decided NOW, before i ever have a real, serious relationship. things about what i'll accept emotionally, physically, socially, etc. these are things that i WILL NOT COMPROMISE. period. i've made the decision, and it's not going to change. and i will not be with any guy who does not RESPECT me for that and who does not work towards those things with me. so women, don't get involved with a man just to have somebody buy your dinner or take you to a movie or cuddle with. it's not worth it. now, although earlier i said that you don't have to go out with every guy who asks you to go out, i do think we need to be a little more open-minded. don't shoot somebody down because he doesn't drive the kind of truck you want your future husband to drive. use good judgement. if he doesn't seem like a good guy, he probably isn't, so don't go out with him. if you're not attracted to him, don't go out with him if you don't want to. but if he's a good guy, and you think you'd have fun, give him a chance. this makes them a little more prone to actually ask women out on dates. also, guys think differently. and while they need to take dating a little more seriously than "whatever, it's just dinner," you also can't expect them to be planning to marry you after 2 dates. so don't get mad when they're not there yet.
after (not too many) years of crappy dates and crappy guys, i have come to the liberating decision that i am DONE with this. this cannot be how God intended for us to date. this is crap. it's frustrating (for men and women). it's not fun. it's confusing. and it's painful. so i'm not doing it anymore. i don't mean i'm not dating, i just mean i'm not going about this the same way anymore. i want to meet someone and fall in love and get married. i really, really do. but i wash my hands of this stupidity that society calls dating. if you like me, great. tell me. ask me out. if i like you, and you don't like me, fine. i'm not wasting my time wishing you would, because that's just pointless. i'd rather wait for someone who really appreciates me. men are not potential husbands, they are brothers in Christ, and they are people who just happen to be anatomically different than women. (lindsey, i bet you didn't think i'd add that part, did you?!) i'm not going to waste time analyzing conversations and actions and what he did or didn't do or said or didn't say. i'm just not doing it. i'm not going to complain to my girl friends about how immature guys are or how stupid they are or how frustrating they are. i'm not going to mourn the loss of another tall guy to a short girl, or bitterly announce that another great guy has gotten engaged to a woman who isn't me. i'm not going to worry about finding a date to weddings. i'm not going to practice saying or doing the right things. i'm not going to scan the room for cute guys at restaurants. i'm just over it. i'm so sick and tired of it. and i'm not doing it this way anymore. i'm going to wait. and enjoy this time. and enjoy my freedom. and enjoy my friendships. and continue working on me. and i'm going to love on jesus, and spend time with him, and trust him to bring me the right man and the right time, and trust him to help me focus on himself and on bringing him glory instead of fretting because i'm not dating. so there.
comments, encouragement, thoughts, hate mail are welcome. : )
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
make every door you walk through a work of art
so it's been a few days. trust me, my life is none too exciting, so you haven't missed much. went to camden for the cup this past weekend. it practically hurricaned the whole time we were outside. i'm talking lightning, thunder, terrential rains, horses splashing mud and muck everywhere, tent leaking, infield flooding, etc. etc. etc. by the time we got back to my parents' house we had to ring out our dresses. i had to dig up old football and baseball sweats that gray wore in high school, because i had brought home no warm clothes. it was still a fun weekend though. saw lots of sweet people that i miss at fbc-camden sunday morning (it was GORGEOUS sunday, by the way). visited with angela sunday night, and watched twilight several times. it was a good weekend.
this week has gone by quickly so far, and i hope it will continue to. had dinner with lindsey and liz monday night to discuss some urgent (and exciting) matters. : ) then sara came over for a while to catch up, which was really fun. tuesday night i cooked a great dinner, and liz came over to watch twilight (again!). side note - last night i had some crazy weird twilight dreams and will not be watching it again for a while. moving on. tonight i need to go to bed early, because i have to be at work at 5:30 in the morning to go to columbia for a legistlative breakfast. UGH. i hate morning. i'm going to have to wake up at around 4:30. i'm expecting to get off at 2, though, so i'll sleep all day. however, i'm pretty sure i WON'T go to bed early tonight, because liz and i are cooking dinner with john and joe, and then they are responsible for having something for us to do that does not involve cards. the 4 of us cannot play cards together anymore, because somebody always gets mad (hint: usually the females).
i just ate lunch, and now i desperately need a bite of something sweet. my co-worker won't give me any of the reese's eggs she has in her office. pretty cruel, if you ask me.
spiritually speaking, i have 2 nuggets of truth for you to ponder (not from me, duh. from jesus.):
1. he will always take us back, but not to just keep on living like we've been living. he tells us to deny ourselves. hm. i've been thinking on that all week. what would it really look like for me to truly deny myself? a whole heck of a lot different than how my life looks right now. chew on that for a day or so, and i'll expand on it when i have time.
2. why, after god told moses and aaron what miracles to perform for pharoah, did he allow pharoah's wisemen and sorcerers to perform the very same miracles? i don't understand. he told moses and aaron to turn the rod into a serpent. i mean, WORD. that's awesome. but then pharoah's smarty pants wisemen do the same flipping thing. why?? i have some thoughts on this, but i haven't gotten them all together yet. so you go ahead and think on it, and i'll get back to you. so far, what i'm really thinking, is that god probably watched pharoah's men do it, and he kind of chuckled. more on that later.
lyric of the day:
high, high above the sky
words fall for you and i
but we don't listen
"my beloved, quiet your panic
and quiet your static
and you'll find me within"
we pass each other on the street
everyone we meet never seems to notice
strings that are coming from our skin
as we unravel in the wind
as we lose focus
be still your shaking heart
be still
-five a.m.
this week has gone by quickly so far, and i hope it will continue to. had dinner with lindsey and liz monday night to discuss some urgent (and exciting) matters. : ) then sara came over for a while to catch up, which was really fun. tuesday night i cooked a great dinner, and liz came over to watch twilight (again!). side note - last night i had some crazy weird twilight dreams and will not be watching it again for a while. moving on. tonight i need to go to bed early, because i have to be at work at 5:30 in the morning to go to columbia for a legistlative breakfast. UGH. i hate morning. i'm going to have to wake up at around 4:30. i'm expecting to get off at 2, though, so i'll sleep all day. however, i'm pretty sure i WON'T go to bed early tonight, because liz and i are cooking dinner with john and joe, and then they are responsible for having something for us to do that does not involve cards. the 4 of us cannot play cards together anymore, because somebody always gets mad (hint: usually the females).
i just ate lunch, and now i desperately need a bite of something sweet. my co-worker won't give me any of the reese's eggs she has in her office. pretty cruel, if you ask me.
spiritually speaking, i have 2 nuggets of truth for you to ponder (not from me, duh. from jesus.):
1. he will always take us back, but not to just keep on living like we've been living. he tells us to deny ourselves. hm. i've been thinking on that all week. what would it really look like for me to truly deny myself? a whole heck of a lot different than how my life looks right now. chew on that for a day or so, and i'll expand on it when i have time.
2. why, after god told moses and aaron what miracles to perform for pharoah, did he allow pharoah's wisemen and sorcerers to perform the very same miracles? i don't understand. he told moses and aaron to turn the rod into a serpent. i mean, WORD. that's awesome. but then pharoah's smarty pants wisemen do the same flipping thing. why?? i have some thoughts on this, but i haven't gotten them all together yet. so you go ahead and think on it, and i'll get back to you. so far, what i'm really thinking, is that god probably watched pharoah's men do it, and he kind of chuckled. more on that later.
lyric of the day:
high, high above the sky
words fall for you and i
but we don't listen
"my beloved, quiet your panic
and quiet your static
and you'll find me within"
we pass each other on the street
everyone we meet never seems to notice
strings that are coming from our skin
as we unravel in the wind
as we lose focus
be still your shaking heart
be still
-five a.m.
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