jesus knows what's about to happen. in fact, his whole life - his whole existence - his whole purpose - is about to come down to three very important days. so jesus knows that tomorrow is upon him. this day that has been pointed out in history for all of eternity, is finally here. and i have to say that i think jesus was probably dreading it. he obviously wanted to be obedient and wanted to save his people from the very agony he was about to face, but you have to remember that he was still completely human. and not a human i know would be excited about enduring multiple beatings, a crown of thorns, and a cross. i kind of think about how a couple of years ago i had to have a procedure done on my heart. i dreaded it for months, but once it was finally here - the day before - i was a basketcase. i was scared to the point that i was physically sick. i cried and cried and cried. and that was just becaused i was having a tube put down my throat to check my heart. jesus was about to experience the unimaginable. not only would the pain be complete and utter torture, but what's even more heart-wrenching is that for the first time in ETERNITY, he would know sin. he would be sin. and he would be seperated from his father. i cannot even imagine how he prepared himself for what was coming.
so here he is, in the midst of a huge emotional and mental (and soon to be physical) struggle, and jesus wants to sit down and share the passover with his 12 best friends. the word says he had a "fervent desire" to share this passover meal with his disciples. why? because he knew what was coming. he took this last opportunity to be with them, share intimate conversation with them, sit near them, fellowship with them, love on them, and try to help them understand what the next day would bring. but they didn't get it. instead, the disciples only a few verses later are arguing about which of them is the greatest.
that part of the story made me want to just grab the disciples by their shoulders and shake them! wake up! jesus is trying to tell you what's about to happen to him! he's trying to explain to you what his whole life has been leading up to - what this whole ministry has been pointing to! but they were too busy with other things. i can imagine that it must have hurt jesus' heart a little bit to be trying to help his best friends - his brothers - his constant companions - understand this confusing, sad, mysterious, and scary situation, and watch them disregard it and worry over which of them was the greatest disciple. they just didn't have a clue.
a lot of the time, that's me. i just don't have a clue. i feel like every day jesus wants to sit down with me at the passover table and spend time with me, remind me of his body and his blood, love on me, wash me, and just be with me. and a lot of the time i just completely disregard his message for something of lesser importance - usually something of zero importance. this "holy weekend" shouldn't be the only time i think about the passover, or the lord's supper, or the cross. i should sit at the table EVERY day. i should feast on christ's body and blood every day - every moment - of my life. i should rest in intimate fellowship with him always. i should remember the cross with every breath i take.
i am so thankful for the cross. i'm so thankful for the ugly act that it was but for the beauty that it brought about. i'm thankful for the veil that was torn so that every time i cry out to jesus, he is never out of reach - he always hears me. i am thankful that there is nothing left to fear, because jesus conquered sin, and death, and condemnation forever when he opened his eyes and took a breath on easter morning. i cannot imagine my life without the cross.
look at my hands, my side
they swallowed the grave on that night
when i drank the world's sin
so i could carry you in
and give you life
i want to give you life
-tenth avenue north
i heard an old, old story
how a savior came from glory
how he gave his life on calvary
to save a wretch like me
i heard about his groaning
and his precious blood's atoning
then i repented of my sins
and won the victory
o, victory in jesus
my savior forever
he sought me and bought me
with his redeeming blood
he loved me ere i knew him
and all my love is due me
he plunged me to victory
beneath the cleansing flood
-e.m. bartlett
but thanks be to god, who gives us victory through our lord jesus christ!
1 corinthians 15:57
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