a wedding v. a marriage

i've been sick with a stomach virus the past few days, and all of my lounging on the couch has lent itself to countless reruns of "say yes to the dress." that is, in between my regularly scheduled naps. today i was early into my nuptial marathon, only on episode number two, and i heard a bride say something that made me feel sick(er) to my stomach. she said, "the dress is everything. it's the most important part of my wedding. i want it to be the focal point of my wedding." side note: the dress was $11,000.

there was a time when day-dreaming about my wedding would have meant fantasies of five hundred people, black-tie, a gigantic ball gown, ice sculptures, and a ten-tiered wedding cake. maybe even swans. fast forward about ten years to present day. want to know what kind of wedding i want? i don't. i want to elope.

i guess i should back-up briefly and explain that i know that any plan of mine is meaningless compared to the plan that god has in store for my life. his plan may not include marriage. i hope it does, but it may not. so this post is written strictly from the perspective that i do get married.

anyway.

i couldn't care less about flowers, hors d' oeuvres, the band, or my dress. what i want for the day that i get married, is to be surrounded by my family, my best friends, and people who have impacted my life. i want it to be intimate. most importantly, i want the entire day to be worshipful. i want it to be about christ. i don't want it to be about ashley and ________ gettin' hitched or goin' on a honeymoon. i don't want it to be about the reception. i don't want it to be about the first dance or cutting the cake or tossing my bouquet at a swarm of girls dancing around obnoxiously to "single ladies" by beyonce. and i certainly don't want my new husband crawling up my dress to retrieve my garter to sling at a bunch of crazed bachelors in front of my father and brother. i want the entire day to be totally surrendered to christ. i want the vows we make - the covenant we make with god - to be the most defining moment of the day. i want every word spoken and song played to reflect the goodness and mercy and grace of a loving father who brought two people together to labor together for his kingdom.

i know this mindset doesn't exactly mesh with our culture's view of marriage. in fact, people get married everyday who don't know christ. what i don't understand is what kind of marriage they have. marriage was ordained by god to be between three: man and woman seeking christ first and through that serving each other and working together for christ's glory. if your marriage is not a covenant between you, your spouse made to and before our holy god, what exactly is keeping you there? i don't get it. what's the purpose in the marriage? what do you do when ten years in you've both changed and feel like you've grown apart? i just don't know what a marriage is apart from christ when it was designed by god to imitate christ and his church.

this is why i want a marriage - not a wedding.