breakeven by the script

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don’t believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Oh, when a heart breaks no it don’t break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man who’s gonna put her first
While I’m wide she has no trouble sleeping
Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re okay
I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cause she’s moved on while I’m still grieving
Oh, when a heart breaks no it don’t break even
No, when a heart breaks it don’t break even

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re okay
I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling to pieces

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I’m trying to make sense of what still remains
Cause you left me with no love – no love to my name

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don’t believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Oh, when a heart breaks no it don’t break even

i am obsessed with this song. it's funny, because in my life this is exactly what happened. i left. only i'm the one who got a broken heart. weird.

here are some important dates:
1 week until edisto
2 weeks and 2 days until THE WEDDING!!!!! (freaking out has ensued)
6 weeks til beach trip with mom
7 weeks til charleston trip with liz, valerie, kat and mack for my birthday
11 weeks til edisto with the whole group

last night in my quiet time i was writing some of my favorite verses on notecards to tape up a round mirrors and on my fridge and various other places that i see often. i came across philippians 4:8.

"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things."

amanda kendall made me memorize this verse years ago, and i can honestly say that i come back to it over and over (thanks, ak). this particular night, though, jesus really drew my attention to "whatever is true." so much of the time i find myself meditating - wasting countless moments thinking, fretting, worrying - over things that are not true. there is one truth: jesus. i know jesus because of what's in his word. that's it. whatever else i'm wasting thoughts and energy and emotions on is having the opposite effect of what jesus intends for me. things that are true preserve - they build up - they encourage - they convict - they forgive - they wipe away - they set free. fears and doubts and regrets and hurts and "what ifs?" and reasons why i don't measure up and asking "why?" and justifications and desires - these things tear me apart and keep me a slave to myself and my sin.

jesus, help me to meditate on truth. plant your truth in my head and my heart. help me to filter every thought, feeling, action, desire, victory, sorrow through the truth of your love and your cross and your holiness. help me desire truth above anything else.