I made her. She is different. She is unique. With love I formed her in her mother’s womb. I fashioned her with great joy. I remember with pleasure the days I created her (Psalm 139:13-16; Jeremiah 1:5) to me she is beautiful. I love her. I love her smile. I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh and the silly things she says and does (Psalm 139:17). She is herself and no one else…this is how I made her. I made her pretty, but not beautiful, because I know her heart, and she would be vain. I want her to search out her heart and learn that it would be me in her that would make her beautiful, and it would be me in her that would draw friends to her (1 Peter 3:3-5). I made her in such a way that she would need me. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be, only because I would like her to lean and depend on me. I know her heart. I know that if I had not made her like this, she would go on her own chosen way, and forget me, her Creator (Psalm 62:5-8). I have given her many good and happy things, because I love her (Psalm 4:11; Romans 8:32). I have seen her broken heart and the tears she has cried all alone. I have been with her and have had a broken heart too (Psalms 56:8). Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone, only because she would not take my hand. So many lessons she has learned the hard way, because she would not listen to my voice (Isaiah 53:6). So many times I have sat back and sadly watched her go on her merry way alone, only to watch her return again. And now she is mine again. I made her and then bought her. I paid a high price for her, because I love her (Romans 5:8). I have had to reshape and remold her, to renew her to what I have planned for her to be. It has not been easy for her, or for me (Jeremiah 29:11). I want her to be comforted by my image. This high goal I have set for her because I LOVE HER!!!
aren't those beautiful and precious words that each of us can tuck away in our hearts?? everytime i read this i'm moved to tears. the lord has been pressing two thoughts into my heart this week:
1. i bought a study on the names of god years ago, and only pull it out every so often. i got it out this week, and the name i chose to study is "ish" (pronounced "eesh") which means "husband." i love the idea of jesus being my husband, especially considering the . this name "ish" is found in hosea. if you know me, you know that i am completely obsessed with the story of hosea and his adulterous wife, gomer. i think the story appeals to me so because i see so much of myself in gomer. in hosea the lord says that we chase lovers that won't satisfy. we chase them. i don't know about you, but when i think of a girl chasing a lover, i think of a woman who throws herself unashamedly at a man - who will do whatever it takes to get his attention. that's what we do. and the thing is, i know at the onset of one of my great chases (be it after a man/relationship or an object or an idea) that no matter who or what it is, if it's not jesus, it's not going to satisfy. yet i still choose to turn my back to jesus to pursue someone/something else. the lord goes on to say that he will hedge us in - trap us - so that we realize that we have nowhere to go, and we'll return to him. only by his goodness, his love, his mercy, his faithfulness does he reveal our own unfaithfulness. how beautiful a thought to know that jesus is the ideal husband: he provides, protects, encourages, loves unconditionally, and refuses to divorce us. in fact, knowing that we would be unfaithful, he chooses to pursue us, to establish a relationship with us, to take us back day after day after day, and to betroth us to himself in righteousness forever.
2. god's love is big. i know we hear this all the time, but it's really big. and it's really relentless. and really has no regard for who i am, what i've done, or what i will do. he loves me loves me. in a way that i don't understand and that i can't imagine. he enjoys me. he laughs at me. he delights in me. i make him smile. i give him butterflies. i make him proud. his affections are completely and totally for me. all the time. i never have to question his love or commitment or motives. he's not going anywhere. he's not going to fall out of love with me. his favor is for life. his forgiveness is sufficient. his love is everlasting. his mercy is new every morning. HALLELUJAH! so often i find myself trying to talk myself out of jesus' love. i'll get really excited and just relish in it, and then my guilt and human heart are like "snap out of it ashley. he doesn't love you - or even like you - that much." oh, but he does! what would life be like if we really believed that jesus loves us like he says he does??
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