ohhh what to write about

when i have my quiet time, i think of all the poignant things i'd like to write about. then i actually find a few spare moments to write, and my mind goes blank. i can tell you that i've been studying the construction of the tabernacle in the old testament. it is blowing my mind. it's so interesting and mind-boggling to think of how every detail of the tabernacle relates to the living tabernacle - jesus christ. every stone, every curtain, every utensil, every fixture - it all had a designated place in the tabernacle, and it all represents something so much bigger than its physical purpose. i think the biggest thing i've learned lately has been about the altar. the altar where burnt offerings were offered was to be burning at all times. when i first read this, i was reminded of the eternal flame in dc (jfk's memorial). but then i got to thinking about it: if the altar had to be burning always, then something had to be being burnt. an offering had to always be on the table. i started thinking about my own life. i've got to constantly put something on the altar. i need the mighty, consuming fire - our god - to burn away everything that is not of me. every desire, every heart ache, every worry, even every good thing - i've got to put it on the altar repeatedly, consistently, eternally, and let him burn that away to reveal himself glorified in and through me. that's hard for me to process. there are so many things i hold on to so tightly (ideas, people, dreams, desires, plans, fears, blessings), and those are the very things that i've got to place on the altar. another thing i thought about is when david (i think) says that he will not offer god anything that costs him nothing. sacrifice - offering - should come at a price. if it doesn't, then is it really a sacrifice? i should be wrestling over what i put on the altar, because it should be things that I'M holding on to. things that I need to give up, even it's scary and painful. i think of abraham, and how many times he must have wanted to turn back from putting isaac on that altar, how many times he had a second thought, how many times he thought he or god or both were crazy. but over and over he was already putting isaac on that altar to sacrifice, even before he physically did it. am i doing that? am i putting things on the altar before i ever get to the place where i have to make a decision? sometimes. sometimes not. something we talked about at bible study last week is that god is faithful no matter what he does with the things i place on the altar. sometimes we have the attitude of, i'll put this on the altar, and god will give it back later. or, if i give this to god, he'll give me what i want. it doesn't work that way. placing it on the altar means trusting jesus with it, no matter what that may mean. what a hard thing for my feeble mind to understand. one last thing i've learned lately is that the altar itself had to be acceptable for anything offered on it to be acceptable in god's sight. of course that makes sense, but i had never thought about it before. i had to really think on this. what altar am i placing my sacrifices on? the altar of selfish desires: if i do this, god will do ______. the altar of false beliefs: if i give this to god, he'll give me what i want. the altar of spiritual appearance: i have to put this on the altar (or at least say i am), because it's what a good christian would do. if the altar is not christ, not the holy and acceptable altar of jesus christ, then nothing i offer is acceptable. i've been doing some serious heart-searching lately. i'm praying for the holy spirit to burn away everything that is not of him but is of me (thanks, jeremy camp).