baby, i need your lovin - got to have all your lovin!

that title means absolutely nothing - i just really like that song.

today i was on my way to "wednesdays with bach" at trinity (sidenote: "wednesday with bach" is something trinity lutheran does during the summer. each wednesday they offer 30 minute recitals featuring musicians from greenville.) i was listening to the radio, which i hardly ever do, and i had it on 89.3 (HIS radio), which i NEVER listen to. i wasn't really paying attention, but i caught some lyrics that basically said "i'll give you everything, i don't care what it costs me." at first i thought, wow, how cool that this guy is singing those words. and then i thought about it some more. that's a really dangerous thing to pray. i think sometimes we pray dangerous things and sing dangerous things, because we think we're supposed to - not because we actually mean them. i started to sing along the next time the chorus rolled around, but i couldn't. i couldn't bring myself to sing those words that are SO meaningful without meaning it. and at this point, i don't mean it. praying those words - take everything from me, i don't care - is terrifying to me. say what you want: maybe i'm too human, maybe i'm holding on too tightly, maybe i'm not spiritually mature enough - whatever. i think the lord is teaching me a lot about sacrifice and putting things on the altar and letting go of things i'm holding on to. actually, i know he is. i'm learning that putting things on the altar COSTS something. it should cost something, anyway. it shouldn't be easy. it's not supposed to be easy. if it were easy it wouldn't be sacrifice. it wasn't easy for abraham to put issaac on the altar. it wasn't easy for christ to put himself on the cross. there has to be a cost. i'm learning about this. i haven't mastered it. but i'm excited to get to the point where i understand enough about who god is and what he desires for my life to confidently say,

take everything i have - i don't care what it costs me.