life happened

nearly six months have passed since my last post. how is that possible?! here is your out: this is going to be a LONG post. if you have laundry to fold, kids to pick up, or a nap to take, you should probably just click the x in the top right corner and be done with it. cause this is gonna be a long read.

when i last wrote on sunday, december 13th, i didn't know that it would only be FOUR days until our sweet baby boy arrived! we were expecting it to be the following week. here's a little run down of what happened that week:

our precious birth mother was such a trooper. she was suffering from gestational diabetes and elevated blood pressure. she was doing everything she was supposed to do to take care of herself and the baby, but her body was not cooperating! she had been going to the doctor twice a week for several weeks, and we were really just sitting on go at any time. she went monday morning, and we were really hoping the doctor was going to take the baby then. however, he told her to come back wednesday morning. we were disappointed, but still knew that at the latest we would have a baby the following week. our birth mother had other plans! she was bound and determined to have the baby that week, and she didn't let us down! i don't know what she did wednesday morning, but at 9:30 that morning she texted me a picture of her check-in papers for labor and delivery the next day! whoa. i was in the middle of the last week of school before christmas break, and things were CRAZY! i gathered what i could, left my awesome room moms in charge, and bolted out the door to get ready to have a baby!

we woke up early thursday morning around 4. kenny and i were both nervous and excited; we were super quiet all morning and as we drove in the dark 45 minutes to the hospital. we got there at 6, and settled in. our birth mom was already checked in, and she was already in labor, so we were thinking we may have a baby by lunch time - that's what the doctor had told us at her last appointment. 6 hours later and no baby. at this point, my mom and aunt had trickled into the waiting room with lunch and to keep us from going crazy. kenny's parents came over later that afternoon. we had random check ins with our birth mom and her doctors, but nothing much was happening. it was the absolute longest day of our lives. around 5 our birth mother's doctor came to talk to us. he told us that the baby was, basically, stuck, and no progress had been made. he was going to give our birth mother until 6 to make some progress, and if she hadn't, he would do an emergency c-section. the hour came and went with no progress. at 6:10 the doctor came and told us that we would have a baby within the hour. WHAT?! WE'RE NOT READY! OMG! WHAT'S HAPPENING?! he talked us through what would happen, and told us not to go anywhere, that a nurse would be back for us in a few minutes. at 6:20 a nurse came to get us. everyone in the waiting room - including both of our families and all of the random friends we had made throughout the day - said good bye with teary eyes, and we were off to meet our boy!

the nurse walked us back to an operating room. she walked us through the procedure for the c-section, and told us what would happen once the baby got to us. our birth mother wanted him to come directly to us to be cleaned up and have his vitals checked. the nurse told us it would be about 20 minutes. kenny and i paced that tiny room up and down. we talked nervously, laughed about the fun to come, and then spent those last few moments quietly taking in everything that had brought us to that point. we saw our birth mother roll by on her way to her operating room. they had left our door about halfway open, and they left her door half way open, too. at 6:51 we heard our miracle baby's first cry from across the hallway. about one minute later he was there. this tiny, perfect gift that we had prayed for and wanted and waited for was there. jesus has answered thousands of prayers throughout my life time, but this answered prayer, all 10 pounds of him, was so real, so tangible, and so incredible. i've never seen kenny so in awe. i, of course, was sobbing. i think at one point i was even on my knees. our nurses were sobbing. but kenny, kenny was just elated; he just stared at that baby - our baby! - the whole time the nurses were cleaning him up. well, that and trying to get his crazy, crying wife under control. by 7:15 that sweet angel was nestled in my arms, right where he belonged. what a feeling! i got my hospital bracelet and that officially linked the baby to me. i was a mama!! our sweet nurses went and snuck back all of our families. there were probably 15 of us crammed in that tiny room. it was hot and crowded and kenny and i were exhausted, but it was perfect, and i'll never forget it. i fed the baby his first bottle, and then they whisked him (and me) away to the nursery for his first bath. after he was cleaned up, i was allowed to dress him, and i wheeled him in his plastic bassinet down the hall to our own little hospital room. this was the most surreal experience of my life. we couldn't spend the night with him, so we left the hospital late that night to get some rest and head back early the next morning.

we were back at the hospital by 7:30 the next morning ready to spend the day with our boy! because our birth mother had a c-section, we weren't expecting her to sign TPR (termination of parental rights) until saturday. there is no feeling in the world like the feeling you have while lingering in that space of time between meeting your baby, and your baby officially becoming "your baby." i was so nervous i was sick. i knew - really, i knew deep down in my heart - that he was our's. i knew our birth mother had chosen us and loved us and wanted us to have him. i felt like god had already given him to us. but waiting for everything to come to pass, knowing that there was still a chance our birth mother could change her mind, was one of the most difficult things i've ever faced. thankfully, our attorney was a miracle-worker, and surprise! - we were able to sign papers friday afternoon. everything was official by 5:00 friday afternoon. unbelievable relief - the first relief and easy breathing we had had in months! we stayed with the baby until late that night, went home, got about 3 hours of sleep, and were back at the hospital saturday morning to take our little one home! putting that car seat in the car and driving away from the hospital was one of the BEST feelings i have ever felt! we got home around lunch time, and now here we are, six months later! the adoption was finalized a couple of months ago, and we are officially, legally, and FOREVER a family! on the day of our hearing, we were sitting in the lobby waiting for our case to be called. someone came out and called for "john doe." kenny and i didn't move, but our attorney hopped up and said, "that's us!" john doe. it had never struck me that technically our sweet baby was a nameless, parentless orphan. that realization broke my heart. the judge reviewed our case; kenny and i both took the stand; and then she said, "i've reviewed your case, and i have decided to grant your adoption. he is your child." so many tears. he is mine! oh, what a good gift adoption is, and what a taste of the gospel we have been given. the gospel is so good. so sweet. and i would never know it the way i do now if we hadn't struggled with infertility, chosen to adopt, walked through this journey, and brought our boy home. thank you, jesus, for allowing us to experience the gospel this way. friends, adoption matters. it is so close to the heart of god. wherever you are in life, consider fostering or adopting. there are over 132 million - as in 132,000,000 - orphans in the world right now. 132 million. many of these would be legally FREE adoptions! as in these precious children are being GIVEN away, and nobody wants them. friends - believers - how can we stand by and allow this?? we are called to love and care for the orphans! so many of us are worried about all the stray animals of the world, and that's good and right. but why aren't we worried about the babies with no homes? children who are unloved? boys and girls with no mamas and daddies to take care of them? david platt said it best: "it is important to realize that we adopt not because we are rescuers. no. we adopt because we have been rescued."

the past six months have been the most wonderful of my life! mothering is truly more amazing, more fun, and more rewarding that i could have ever dreamed. it has blown every expectation out of the water. (it's also really hard, so everything's not always rainbows and butterflies. just sayin.) there is so much more to add, and i'm going to try to update more often, but there have been so many people who have asked how everything happened - and most (if not all) of those people prayed our sweet baby home to us, so i feel like i owe them the story! life is so rich because of this road we have journeyed and the place the lord has brought us to. it has been hard, yes. i have doubted and argued and questioned and screamed and cried and complained, yes. but the hard is worth it a thousand times over when i walk in to a sweet, grey nursery, peek over the side of the crib, and see those big, blue eyes, that crooked grin, and hear that precious little laugh. he is worth it.

and we can't wait to do it again...!