i think the thing that has struck me more poignantly than anything else throughout this adoption process is that i am always surprised when jesus comes through. i guess the super-holy version of myself shouldn't admit that, but i like honesty so there ya have it. we have been shown favor - we have been told yes - repeatedly throughout this process, and yet, every single time, i can't believe it. jesus has kept every promise he's ever made to me over the past twenty-eight (and a half) years, and yet, here i am, sinful and stupid as ever - and i can't believe it when he keeps another promise.
i'm sure most of you read my post last week that not only were we accepted into the december 12th training, but there are also enough couples for bethany (our agency) to hold the meeting! TWO yeses! two specific prayers answered favorably. we were amazed.
i hinted in my facebook post earlier that we received some great news today. we've been looking into several different options for financing our adoption. we knew that more than likely some sort of loan would be the best way for us to pay for everything. we thought we had everything figured out, and then our first plan didn't work out. we were discouraged, but we just kept saying, "god is going to provide the money." fake it til ya make it, yall. last week we had two different opportunities come up. we knew that one was exponentially better for us than the other. we started praying specifically every single night when we did our devotion that the lord would hear our prayer and honor it. yall. kenny got a phone call at 3:30 today, and our prayer was answered! not only was it answered, but it was answered in a FAR greater, more beneficial way than we thought possible. our adoption is paid for. when we are matched with our baby, we can write the check and bring her home. this is a HUGE relief for us. i don't think i can express to you how incredible it feels to know that the finances are taken care of. that was the one big worry we have had through the whole process, and like he always does, the lord took care of it.
kenny and i went out to dinner tonight to celebrate. on the way there we talked about how smooth the whole process has been thus far - just how easily we have walked through each step of this journey. the only explanation we have for that is that the lord has gone before us. we are so thankful.
we continue to be blown away by the outpouring of love and joy and excitement and genuine care and interest in our adoption. i cannot tell you how good it is for our hearts to have family and friends walk with us, stand with us in prayer, and validate that we are going to soon be parents. thank you for asking questions, reading my blog, talking to us about the nursery, giving us recommendations on car seats - you are making a slightly surreal experience so very real and wonderful. one of the most amazing parts of this journey is being able to see ourselves and have others see us as parents - as if i were pregnant. you are all at the top of our list of things we're thankful for this year.
"now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work in us, to him be the glory." ephesians 3:20
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Thursday, November 13, 2014
my new full time job
we have a new normal in our house. it looks something like this:
i come home from work; kenny ends his work day from his home office. we catch up on the day, eat dinner, and then we begin our new full time job. that full time job would be adoption paper work. yall. i have never in my life seen such. we spend about three hours every night going through documents, reviewing our checklist, finding birth certificates, copying pay stubs, and mapping out our finances. kenny sits in his office chair, mesh shorts and old blue sweatshirt his uniform - and his tall white socks scrunched down. i always said i would never date a guy who wore tall socks. what became of me?! he admittedly wears them now simply to irritate me. #marriage. i'm on the floor, back against the wall, whining about my butt going numb from sitting so long. the dogs are curled up on the floor beside me. this is our new family time. the kitchen is a disaster. shoes are strewn all over the living room. our kitchen table is covered in both folded laundry and paper work, carefully stacked and categorized: finished, not finished, finished but need signatures. by about 9:30 each night, after two, three or four hours of work, it all just becomes really funny - like that really silly funny when nothing makes sense and nobody knows why you're laughing.
so that's where we're at. we're in the middle of collecting every piece of paperwork that has anything whatsoever to do with either of us. birth certificates, our marriage license, pet vaccination records, questions about our childhoods, descriptions of our parents, personal testimonies, bank statements, proof of insurance, etc. it goes on and on. while it is very safe to say that neither of us enjoys all of this, we're actually having a great time. i imagine this adoption process is similar to what a pregnant woman and her husband go through. i am, after all, pregnant in my heart (thanks, megan quigley. you're a gem.)! there's so much work - so much build up - preparations, plans, things to do, things to learn - all leading up to one remarkable moment: meeting your child face to face. everyday is exciting, because everyday we are one day closer to meeting our baby! i think that's one thing i would like more people to understand: just because we are adopting doesn't make us any less parents right this very second. some babies grow in bellies. some grow in hearts.
while i'm on this subject, i just want to say that my baby is as real to me right now as any baby ever born to any woman. and when she is born, and i see her sweet little face for the first time, she will be mine. mine. she will be as much mine as i am my mama's. the lines of blood and dna and genetics will all be blurred, and she will be mine. i will love her every bit as much as my mom loves me. i will carry her in my heart the same way my mom carries me in her heart. i will worry for her, pray for her, hope for her, dream for her, fear for her - the very same way my mom does for me. it will not for one second matter that our dna doesn't match.
i'm assuming most of you would appreciate an actual adoption update, not the ramblings of an adoptive mother's heart and mind. we have until december 5 to finish all of these pre-study documents, including having our background checks and finger prints. we have to return all of these documents with a $1,000 check. our goal is to have these things taken care of by next week, because we really want to get in to that december 12 training. that is one BIG way you can be praying for us: pray that we can complete all of this paper work and get it turned in next week; pray specifically that we are accepted to the december 12 training. here's the next big prayer request: i spoke to the adoption coordinator yesterday. she let me know that she didn't feel like our home study would even begin until february, because they are a bit behind right now. this pushes us back to even being approved until late february/march. please, please pray that the social workers would be able to quickly catch up on home studies, and that we would be able to move forward much faster than february or march. if this does not happen, please pray that our hearts would have peace and calm and be covered in grace to handle this wait. every day is closer to our baby, but every day feels like an eternity.
thanks for going on this wild ride with us!
xoxo.
i come home from work; kenny ends his work day from his home office. we catch up on the day, eat dinner, and then we begin our new full time job. that full time job would be adoption paper work. yall. i have never in my life seen such. we spend about three hours every night going through documents, reviewing our checklist, finding birth certificates, copying pay stubs, and mapping out our finances. kenny sits in his office chair, mesh shorts and old blue sweatshirt his uniform - and his tall white socks scrunched down. i always said i would never date a guy who wore tall socks. what became of me?! he admittedly wears them now simply to irritate me. #marriage. i'm on the floor, back against the wall, whining about my butt going numb from sitting so long. the dogs are curled up on the floor beside me. this is our new family time. the kitchen is a disaster. shoes are strewn all over the living room. our kitchen table is covered in both folded laundry and paper work, carefully stacked and categorized: finished, not finished, finished but need signatures. by about 9:30 each night, after two, three or four hours of work, it all just becomes really funny - like that really silly funny when nothing makes sense and nobody knows why you're laughing.
so that's where we're at. we're in the middle of collecting every piece of paperwork that has anything whatsoever to do with either of us. birth certificates, our marriage license, pet vaccination records, questions about our childhoods, descriptions of our parents, personal testimonies, bank statements, proof of insurance, etc. it goes on and on. while it is very safe to say that neither of us enjoys all of this, we're actually having a great time. i imagine this adoption process is similar to what a pregnant woman and her husband go through. i am, after all, pregnant in my heart (thanks, megan quigley. you're a gem.)! there's so much work - so much build up - preparations, plans, things to do, things to learn - all leading up to one remarkable moment: meeting your child face to face. everyday is exciting, because everyday we are one day closer to meeting our baby! i think that's one thing i would like more people to understand: just because we are adopting doesn't make us any less parents right this very second. some babies grow in bellies. some grow in hearts.
while i'm on this subject, i just want to say that my baby is as real to me right now as any baby ever born to any woman. and when she is born, and i see her sweet little face for the first time, she will be mine. mine. she will be as much mine as i am my mama's. the lines of blood and dna and genetics will all be blurred, and she will be mine. i will love her every bit as much as my mom loves me. i will carry her in my heart the same way my mom carries me in her heart. i will worry for her, pray for her, hope for her, dream for her, fear for her - the very same way my mom does for me. it will not for one second matter that our dna doesn't match.
i'm assuming most of you would appreciate an actual adoption update, not the ramblings of an adoptive mother's heart and mind. we have until december 5 to finish all of these pre-study documents, including having our background checks and finger prints. we have to return all of these documents with a $1,000 check. our goal is to have these things taken care of by next week, because we really want to get in to that december 12 training. that is one BIG way you can be praying for us: pray that we can complete all of this paper work and get it turned in next week; pray specifically that we are accepted to the december 12 training. here's the next big prayer request: i spoke to the adoption coordinator yesterday. she let me know that she didn't feel like our home study would even begin until february, because they are a bit behind right now. this pushes us back to even being approved until late february/march. please, please pray that the social workers would be able to quickly catch up on home studies, and that we would be able to move forward much faster than february or march. if this does not happen, please pray that our hearts would have peace and calm and be covered in grace to handle this wait. every day is closer to our baby, but every day feels like an eternity.
thanks for going on this wild ride with us!
xoxo.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
adoption update
so yesterday we had our mandatory adoption orientation at bethany. we were both really excited about the meeting, because it meant something was happening - we were taking a step closer to our baby! let me tell you how our day started: with a backed up septic tank.
go ahead and picture that and then just know that it was ten times worse than what you just imagined. sewage was overflowing out of toilets, sinks, and bathtubs. it smelled awful. it looked awful. it was awful. thankfully i had already had a shower when we made this discovery, but kenny had not. he rushed out the door to his parents' in elgin to shower before our meeting. i got ready quickly, flew out to elgin to scoop him up, then we headed to columbia. i wish i could say that we handled this inconvenience with grace, but truthfully, we were absolutely frazzled, aggravated, and short with each other. what should have been an exciting morning turned into a couple of ill-boxes riding down the road in silence. praise the lord we had gotten it out of our systems by the time we got to the meeting, and we were back to being a happily married couple.
as soon as we sat down in the conference room, kenny pulled out the orientation packet. he flipped through it quickly (all 28 pages of power point slides) and said, "i should have taken an adderall." HA. two hours later we emerged full of information, hungry, with head aches. it was a LOT of information to process. we learned so much about the process, expectations, wait time, etc.
the first thing we had to do after leaving the meeting was to email the bethany adoption specialist and let her know that we're ready to proceed with our formal application. i emailed her from my phone from the parking lot of bethany's building. ha. we were a little excited! i spent yesterday afternoon completing our application (while kenny spent the afternoon cleaning up the septic tank mess). we sent in our application, paid our application fee, and got our next steps. we have our pre-study documents in hand, and we have until december 5 to complete them and pay our pre-study fee. we are going to do our best to get these documents finished before thanksgiving, because we need to get in to a mandatory training on december 12. they only take three couples from each of bethany's three south carolina offices, and there isn't another meeting until february. we REALLY want to have this training complete so we can move on to our home study.
this is the part where reality smacks us in the face. at the meeting we got to see the break down of fees, and let's just say we were less than encouraged. the overall cost of our adoption (just the adoption - not financial support for our birth mom, not attorney fees) will be $18,000. it's totally and completely overwhelming. the upfront cost will be about $4,000. that's a manageable figure, and we have a plan in place to cover our home study document fee, home study, and marketing fee. however, when we pick up our baby, we have to have a check for $14,500 ready. we have no idea where this is going to come from. we have gotten some good information about adoption grants that we can apply for once we are considered an approved family, so that has given us some hope. although it's encouraging, it doesn't give us a clear plan, and it also doesn't account for what happens should we be matched with a baby sooner rather than later.
i would be lying if i didn't say that we are apprehensive. this is a big leap of faith. huge. giant. massive. we believe that adoption is important to the heart of god, and we believe he teaches us to care for the orphans. because of this, we believe that god will raise up the funds we need to bring our baby home.
we are thankful for your continued support and prayers! i am blown away every single day by the sheer excitement and joy that so many of you show me. here are some things you can be praying about:
go ahead and picture that and then just know that it was ten times worse than what you just imagined. sewage was overflowing out of toilets, sinks, and bathtubs. it smelled awful. it looked awful. it was awful. thankfully i had already had a shower when we made this discovery, but kenny had not. he rushed out the door to his parents' in elgin to shower before our meeting. i got ready quickly, flew out to elgin to scoop him up, then we headed to columbia. i wish i could say that we handled this inconvenience with grace, but truthfully, we were absolutely frazzled, aggravated, and short with each other. what should have been an exciting morning turned into a couple of ill-boxes riding down the road in silence. praise the lord we had gotten it out of our systems by the time we got to the meeting, and we were back to being a happily married couple.
as soon as we sat down in the conference room, kenny pulled out the orientation packet. he flipped through it quickly (all 28 pages of power point slides) and said, "i should have taken an adderall." HA. two hours later we emerged full of information, hungry, with head aches. it was a LOT of information to process. we learned so much about the process, expectations, wait time, etc.
the first thing we had to do after leaving the meeting was to email the bethany adoption specialist and let her know that we're ready to proceed with our formal application. i emailed her from my phone from the parking lot of bethany's building. ha. we were a little excited! i spent yesterday afternoon completing our application (while kenny spent the afternoon cleaning up the septic tank mess). we sent in our application, paid our application fee, and got our next steps. we have our pre-study documents in hand, and we have until december 5 to complete them and pay our pre-study fee. we are going to do our best to get these documents finished before thanksgiving, because we need to get in to a mandatory training on december 12. they only take three couples from each of bethany's three south carolina offices, and there isn't another meeting until february. we REALLY want to have this training complete so we can move on to our home study.
this is the part where reality smacks us in the face. at the meeting we got to see the break down of fees, and let's just say we were less than encouraged. the overall cost of our adoption (just the adoption - not financial support for our birth mom, not attorney fees) will be $18,000. it's totally and completely overwhelming. the upfront cost will be about $4,000. that's a manageable figure, and we have a plan in place to cover our home study document fee, home study, and marketing fee. however, when we pick up our baby, we have to have a check for $14,500 ready. we have no idea where this is going to come from. we have gotten some good information about adoption grants that we can apply for once we are considered an approved family, so that has given us some hope. although it's encouraging, it doesn't give us a clear plan, and it also doesn't account for what happens should we be matched with a baby sooner rather than later.
i would be lying if i didn't say that we are apprehensive. this is a big leap of faith. huge. giant. massive. we believe that adoption is important to the heart of god, and we believe he teaches us to care for the orphans. because of this, we believe that god will raise up the funds we need to bring our baby home.
we are thankful for your continued support and prayers! i am blown away every single day by the sheer excitement and joy that so many of you show me. here are some things you can be praying about:
- that we would be able to complete our pre-study paperwork quickly and efficiently
- that we would be invited to attend the december 12 training
- that we would be assured of god's ability to provide
- that funds would come together
- that our eyes would be open to god working through this process - that we would see his fingerprints all over it - that we would be amazed by the wonders that we know he will accomplish through this process
- our birth mother
- our baby
xoxo.
Monday, November 3, 2014
what will you tell your baby?
god decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through jesus christ. this is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. (ephesians 1:5)
i love this verse. i loved it before i knew that my baby would be adopted, but i really love it now. what speaks to me most about this verse (from the NLT) is that it says this is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. abba father wanted me. sending jesus to redeem me made him happy (don't misinterpret this - his glory is always his purpose in everything he does). adopting me into his family gave him great pleasure. i love how this verse really conveys the message that jesus was always plan a. this is what he wanted to do. this redemptive work - this adoption - this grafting of my sinful, wayward soul into the fold - this is what he wanted. this was the plan all along. adoption was the plan all along.
and just as my adoption into the kingdom was god's plan all along, the adoption of our sweet baby has been god's plan all along. he knew even before the moment of my soul's salvation that adoption would define my life: both in this world and for eternity. i love that. i love that before kenny ever met me - before he even knew this crazy girl who told him on their first date that she wanted to adopt - the lord knew that kenny would adopt a child to be his own. i have never believed in coincidence. but as i have journeyed through my 28.5 years, and as we stand on the bank of this new adventure, i am even more certain that there is not one tiny thread of my life that jesus has not ordained. psalm 139:16 tells us: your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book they were all written - every one of them - the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them. before i was even a thought - a dream in my mama's heart - the lord had planned and numbered and designed my life and my days. he already knew. he already knows.
adoption is costly. it cost jesus his life. it will cost us a whole lot of money that we don't even have yet. it's big and scary, and a lot of people don't understand it. but it was the plan all along. but this is what he wanted to do. jesus wanted me. so he paid the price. i cannot wait to look into the face of my precious child and say, "you are what we wanted. so we paid the price." people have asked us what we will tell our child - how will we explain adoption - how we will tell our child that we paid for them. our answer is always the same: we will share the gospel with her. [side note: when talking about the baby, we usually say her; kenny and i both just "have a feeling" that we will have a girl first.] we will share ephesians 1:5 with our baby over and over until the day we die: god decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through jesus christ. this is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. we decided long ago to adopt you, little one. you are what we wanted, and you have given us great pleasure. that's how we'll explain it. my eyes fill with tears just thinking about the moment that i get to share the gospel with my little one through her very own adoption story.
i've been thinking a lot about life post-adoption. i realized today that our baby will not inherit any of our qualities - looks, personalities, talents. i was feeling kind of sad about that, because there are a lot of things about kenny that i would like to see in our children (and only a couple things of myself!). then jesus reminded me of something: when he adopted me, i didn't have anything in me that was like him. i was his enemy, in fact. but when he adopted me, he gave me his righteousness - his glory - his goodness - his love - his kindness - his patience. he imparted those things to me. i don't have a lot of good in me, but the small bits i do have, i have because of christ in me. my prayer is that kenny and i will impart the best things about ourselves to our baby. i pray so often that jesus will magnify himself in us, and that will be what we give to our child. i would love to see a little girl with dark, curly hair (like her parents), olive complexion (like her daddy), and big, blue eyes (like her mama). i would love for her to be disciplined and organized and logical like her daddy, and passionate, opinionated, and stubborn like her mama. i would love to look at my baby and get a glimpse of kenny - and maybe sometimes myself. but more than that - more than i want to see me in my child - i want to see jesus in her. i want her to love like he loves. i want her to be kind. i want her to be generous. i want her to be faithful. i want her to be steadfast in her convictions. i want her to be humble and have a heart for service.
it's amazing, this story of adoption. the lord has used my own adoption to help me understand the adoption of our baby. he has used the adoption of our baby to help me understand my own adoption into his family. he has also used the adoption of our baby to cause me to fall on my face in awe of the great mystery and marvel and splendor of the cross. truly adoption was the plan all along. this is what he wanted to do.
i love this verse. i loved it before i knew that my baby would be adopted, but i really love it now. what speaks to me most about this verse (from the NLT) is that it says this is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. abba father wanted me. sending jesus to redeem me made him happy (don't misinterpret this - his glory is always his purpose in everything he does). adopting me into his family gave him great pleasure. i love how this verse really conveys the message that jesus was always plan a. this is what he wanted to do. this redemptive work - this adoption - this grafting of my sinful, wayward soul into the fold - this is what he wanted. this was the plan all along. adoption was the plan all along.
and just as my adoption into the kingdom was god's plan all along, the adoption of our sweet baby has been god's plan all along. he knew even before the moment of my soul's salvation that adoption would define my life: both in this world and for eternity. i love that. i love that before kenny ever met me - before he even knew this crazy girl who told him on their first date that she wanted to adopt - the lord knew that kenny would adopt a child to be his own. i have never believed in coincidence. but as i have journeyed through my 28.5 years, and as we stand on the bank of this new adventure, i am even more certain that there is not one tiny thread of my life that jesus has not ordained. psalm 139:16 tells us: your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book they were all written - every one of them - the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them. before i was even a thought - a dream in my mama's heart - the lord had planned and numbered and designed my life and my days. he already knew. he already knows.
adoption is costly. it cost jesus his life. it will cost us a whole lot of money that we don't even have yet. it's big and scary, and a lot of people don't understand it. but it was the plan all along. but this is what he wanted to do. jesus wanted me. so he paid the price. i cannot wait to look into the face of my precious child and say, "you are what we wanted. so we paid the price." people have asked us what we will tell our child - how will we explain adoption - how we will tell our child that we paid for them. our answer is always the same: we will share the gospel with her. [side note: when talking about the baby, we usually say her; kenny and i both just "have a feeling" that we will have a girl first.] we will share ephesians 1:5 with our baby over and over until the day we die: god decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through jesus christ. this is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. we decided long ago to adopt you, little one. you are what we wanted, and you have given us great pleasure. that's how we'll explain it. my eyes fill with tears just thinking about the moment that i get to share the gospel with my little one through her very own adoption story.
i've been thinking a lot about life post-adoption. i realized today that our baby will not inherit any of our qualities - looks, personalities, talents. i was feeling kind of sad about that, because there are a lot of things about kenny that i would like to see in our children (and only a couple things of myself!). then jesus reminded me of something: when he adopted me, i didn't have anything in me that was like him. i was his enemy, in fact. but when he adopted me, he gave me his righteousness - his glory - his goodness - his love - his kindness - his patience. he imparted those things to me. i don't have a lot of good in me, but the small bits i do have, i have because of christ in me. my prayer is that kenny and i will impart the best things about ourselves to our baby. i pray so often that jesus will magnify himself in us, and that will be what we give to our child. i would love to see a little girl with dark, curly hair (like her parents), olive complexion (like her daddy), and big, blue eyes (like her mama). i would love for her to be disciplined and organized and logical like her daddy, and passionate, opinionated, and stubborn like her mama. i would love to look at my baby and get a glimpse of kenny - and maybe sometimes myself. but more than that - more than i want to see me in my child - i want to see jesus in her. i want her to love like he loves. i want her to be kind. i want her to be generous. i want her to be faithful. i want her to be steadfast in her convictions. i want her to be humble and have a heart for service.
it's amazing, this story of adoption. the lord has used my own adoption to help me understand the adoption of our baby. he has used the adoption of our baby to help me understand my own adoption into his family. he has also used the adoption of our baby to cause me to fall on my face in awe of the great mystery and marvel and splendor of the cross. truly adoption was the plan all along. this is what he wanted to do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)