go north korea!!

it's world cup 2010, and the united way staff decided to pick teams. who did i pick? north korea. yes, the communist nation. yes, the nation who will not even allow the games to be aired unless north korea wins. yes, the nation threatening to blow up the world. that's my team. when i told my co-worker who arranged this little intra-office competition that i was okay with pulling for the underdog, he simply replied, "uh, ashley, i think they EAT underdog in north korea." hahaha. nevertheless: GO NORTH KOREA!!

quick movie review: the girls and i went to see sex and the city 2 wednesday night. i loved the first one. it was full of laughs and tears and some great lines. sex and the city dos...not so much. it was still good, and i really liked what it portrayed about relationships, and of course i will be stealing some quotes, but it really lacked something. i don't know what exactly. the acting was a little cheesey. the plot was a little unrealistic - more so than usual. i don't know, it just didn't have the same "i will own this movie as soon as it comes out on dvd" quality that the first one did.

most of you know that i have a slight (okay, not so slight) obsession with all things john mayer and quotes/lyrics. this morning i am loving these lines from "new deep:"

stop trying to figure it out
it will only bring you down
you know i used to be the back porch poet
with my book of rhymes always open
knowing all the time i'd probably never find
the perfect rhyme for "heavier things"

now. john mayer is by no means a believer. i mean, i guess he could be, but i don't think so. anyway. these words still hold truths. why waste time trying to figure out why or who or when or what? why not just trust that our god alone is god and our god alone is good? isn't that enough? isn't it enough to trust him? i have a lot of questions. a LOT. there's a lot of hurt i wish jesus would just magically take away. there's a lot of brokenness from a lot of mistakes and heartbreaks and relationships that i wish he would just heal...and quickly. there's a lot of sin i wish i didn't struggle with. there are a lot of insecurities i wish didn't surface so often. there's a lot i'm holding on to that i wish i could just let go of already. but it doesn't work that way. my devotion from proverbs 31 this morning talked about this. it reminded me that i need to take my cares to jesus. BUT taking my cares to jesus doesn't mean that he "abra cadabras" them out of my life. it means i take them to jesus, because it's his responsibility to take care of me. everything has a purpose in life. every relationship - every victory - every hurt - every joy - every heartbreak - every storm. everything has a purpose. and for those of us who love god and are called to his purpose, all of these things work for our good (romans 8:28).

have you ever heard the phrase "he unkindly shows us kindness?" i hadn't either until i started reading the blogs of a guy named zac smith from newspring. through painful circumstances (namely, terminal cancer) jesus was able to make his kindness so much more evident to zac. it's kind of a twisted logic to try to wrap your head around, but once it kind of settles in, it definitely does make sense. through hurt (in my life, namely heartbreak, loneliness, missing someone), jesus is able to reveal himself as comforter, all-sufficient, healer, lover of my soul, to teach me about his character, his desire to bless me, his timing, his sovereignty, and to just wear me down and destroy me with his love. he unkindly shows kindness.

and so even in the hurts, he's taking care of me. he's teaching me things about himself that are necessary and far more valuable than any earthly possession - relationships, money, status, health. it is his kindness that teaches me those things about himself. it is his kindness that walks with me through the hurt and leads me to real, complete healing. he would be neglecting me if he left me the way i am - in my sinfulness. and really, only through pain can healing come. exhibit a: the cross.

ohhh, so many lessons i'm learning.