goodbye, 2009!

i can't believe it's already time to say goodbye to 2009! while it's been a really great twelve months, i can honestly say i'm eager to close this door and head into 2010. i feel this way at the end of every year, i think (some more than others). january 1st is really no different from any other day, but there's something so refreshing about starting a new year. it's a clean start. i always feel liberated, like i've left the mess-ups and mistakes and heartaches of the previous year behind, and i'm moving on towards bigger and better things. there's always a twinge of fear, though, when starting a new year. although i'm usually optimistic and hopeful at the start of a new year, my subconscious reminds my conscious that i don't know what the year could hold. while great things are sure to happen in some form or another, there's always the uncertainty of what terrible thigns lie ahead. what will i experience in these next four seasons? what will i lose? what will challenge me? what (or who) will break my heart? it can be overwhelming to think about - the unknown, that is. however, i'm leaving 2009 with some great memories and some even better life lessons. these are a few of them:

memories:
1. texas trip - september 25-27 - liz and i saw george straight in concert, went to the ut game, went to the baylor game, and hung out with my friend alex. it was one of the best weekends of my life. i'm so glad we made the spur of the moment decision to go. money well spent.

2. music city bowl - december 27 - clemson beat kentucky in nashville in the snow; it was cj's last game. a great way to end an emotional season. go tigers!

3. cracker barrel - liz and i have a standing tradition of eating at cracker barrel every sunday. we order the same thing every time, and usually have the same waitress. we've had some great conversations over southern style chicken and beef stew.

4. cheesecake factory - sara, gray, scott and i randomly drove to atlanta one friday night just to eat dinner at the cheesecake factory. it was totally unexpected, but such a great night of food and lots of laughter and fellowship.

5. november 11 - hmm. this one's a secret, but it was a good night. : )

6. august 9 - gray returned home from texas after 3 months (i hadn't seen him in 4). we had the sweetest reunion in baggage claim at charlotte-douglas.

7. october 16 - moved into my new house! i bought my very own house, and move in day was one of the most fun days. my whole family was there, plus the ingrams, plus john, and my new puppy, huck. it was a good day, and i felt like i was starting my life.

8. rainy saturdays in death valley - i know it's weird, but i seriously loved every saturday i spent watching the tigers play in the pouring down rain! i love muddy football, and although i looked disgusting, there's something about standing outside in a downpour with 85,000 of your best friends, screaming until you have no voice, with you shoes off and jeans rolled up, mascara dripping down you face that really makes for the best memories.

9. december 19 - cati came up to spend the night with me. we did absolutely nothing but eat way too much pizza and ice cream, but sara, cati, and i sat in my living room until nearly 3 am talking. some of the best conversation i had all year. what a blessing.

10. december 5 - acc party at my house. great food, great drinks, great friends. clemson lost, but we had so much fun.

life lessons:
1. god is always faithful. going into the new year not knowing what to expect, i can look back at the 24 previous "new years" i've experienced, and i can honestly say that i could never have imagined some of the things that took place in my life. but i can also honestly say that god never once left me or abandoned me or was unfaithful to me. i can go into 2010 confidently believing that whatever comes, jesus is in my midst.

2. you can't wait for life to "start." i kept thinking that once i graduated from college, life would start. once i graduated, i thought that once i met somebody, life would start. once i bought a house, i thought life would start. finally, it's the end of 2009, and i've been out of college for nearly 2 years, and i've finally realized that this is LIFE! life begun 24 years ago, and i'm living the beautiful and wonderful and messy and weird and complicated and glorious life i'm supposed to be living right now - single or not, rich or poor, in an apartment or house. this is my life - i've got to live the heck out of it.

3. you can't count on other people. no matter how much you love them or trust them, you just can't depend on people. you've got to depend on jesus and only jesus. i can't even count on myself. i'm so apt to quickly run to the wonderful people in my life when i need advice or sympathy or encouragment. but the same people who so often build me up and make me feel better, can at times make me mad and hurt my feelings. i can't count on people, and i can't change people. i can count on jesus, because jesus never changes, and he doesn't need to.

4. sometimes spending all of your money on a random trip is exactly what you need to do. while i need to learn to be more cautious with my spending, i also want to balance that with remembering that "you can't take it with you." i'm in a season of life where i can basically do what i want when i want. i'm going to enjoy that as much as i'm able to.

5. life is complicated. and that's okay. i think sometimes i idealize what life should be too much. if you hadn't already figured it out, life is hard. there are a lot of things that will break your heart. a lot of people will let you down (see number 3). a lot of bad things will happen. situations aren't easy to navigate. feelings are confusing. relationships are difficult to figure out. that's life. it's okay. we live in a fallen world, so we have to expect that life's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows. i'm okay with that. "if you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain."

6. friday nights spent at home watching movies with your best friend do not make you a loser.

7. "people can only make you feel inferior with your consent" (eleanor roosevelt). she was so right. so much of the time i think people try to make me feel less smart or wise, less beautiful, less thin, less kind, just LESS. who are they to tell me who i am? jesus defines me and shapes my thoughts and actions. you can't live life letting other people make you feel less. it's just not healthy. "be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" (dr. seuss).

8. christian people can be some of the most judgemental, close-minded, weird people. i can say that because i am a christian. i have been so appalled by some of the things i've heard, seen, and experienced over the past year. jesus makes it possible for us to be compassionate, open-minded, sensitive, and FREE.

9. mistakes are inevitable. i live my life so much of the time in fear of messing up. i'm so scared to make any decisions, because i'm petrified that i'm going to choose the wrong thing, screw up my life, and suffer consequences for the rest of my life. currently i'm battling the fear that when i spent so much of my college years invested in a very wrong relationship, that i'll never experience a good relationship or marriage. how ridiculous. god doesn't work that way. he doesn't punish me when i mess up. i'm GOING to mess up. i'm human. he knows this. he expects this. what value would grace have if it was only available if i were perfect? praise god that his desire to bless me and put good things in my life is not dependent on my ability to do the right thing all the time. i have to believe that and trust that and take him at his word: he WANTS to bless me above and beyond anything i could imagine - mistakes and all.

10. people are for loving. i spend a lot of time criticizing and talking about what i don't like in other people. that's not what people are for. they're not to be used as a pasttime - to talk about when i'm bored or feeling bad about myself. they're simply for loving. people were created for god's good pleasure - for his enjoyment - as the objects of his affection. if my heart is to be like his heart, shouldn't i view people the same way? to love, to enjoy, to bless?

this is a really long post, and probably very boring. but those are my top ten favorite memories and life lessons of 2009. hasta lavista, baby!