the b word

not that "b" word, friends.

as the new year approaches, i look back over my online bank account and realize that i am terribly out of control in my spending. *heavy sigh.* i am wondering how on earth i managed to spend so much money. what do i have to show for myself? sure, i've got some great new clothes, a lovely shade of raisin nail polish on my fingernails, the best mascara coating my lashes, and it looks like pier 1 threw up into my house, but what do i have to say for all of my outlandish purchases? absolutely nothing. what does my savings account have to say for all of my outlandish purchases? absolutely nothing.

i like to think of myself as an adult. i own my own home. i pay all my bills. i have a full-time "real" job. i clean my bathroom now. i'm a grown-up. this is the part where i realize that i'm not as grown-up as i think i am, because i can't even budget my money. well, actually, that's false. i CAN budget my money. i just choose not to stick to my budget. ridiculous. it's like something in me is just opposed to the "b" word. for the life of me i cannot seem to make myself realize the importance of living within my means. and it's not like i just have a paycheck at my disposal, with no mortgage, bills, doctor's appointments, groceries, dog food, contacts, etc. etc. etc. i have a lot of expenses. but i could significantly cut down on how much crap i buy. take wal-mart, for example. when i go to wal-mart, i usually walk out 50 dollars poorer. oh, the appeal of the cosmetics aisle. eyeliner, blush, gloss. i love it. and i want it. shampoo, smelly things, candles, cd's. i NEED it. what i don't need are $36 overdraft fees, because i refuse to face the fact that i don't have the money for these items.

personally, i think we should revert to bartering. i mean seriously, folks. this system worked great for the pilgrims and indians. i say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. who in the world decide that actual MONEY was the answer to a problem that didn't exist?? i've got a lot of nice things (as previously mentioned) that i'd be willing to trade for other nice things and/or food and items needed for survival. oh, the simplicity of trade.

back to reality. bartering is not an option, thus not a solution to my overspending. i've decided that my goal (NOT resolution, because i never, ever keep resolutions) for 2010 is to stick to my budget and save at least $1500. now, that doesn't sound like much to save over a year, but you have to remember that i don't make that much, plus i do own a house and have bills and the list goes on and on. so that's the goal. i'm going to write down everything i spend (who knew that's what all those lines were for in your checkbook??) and keep up with it religiously. i know this is going to be hard at first. i mean, it's going to be a downright lifestyle change. i'm going to feel poor. i'm going to feel disadvantaged. i'm going to feel sad about all of the purchases i'm not making. but hopefully, after a month or two, i'll get it figured out, i'll find a system, and i'll be pleased to look at my savings account (and even my checking account) to find my hard work paying off.

so do me a favor. don't ask me to go out to lunch or dinner unless you're planning to pay.

hahaha sike. times aren't that tough.