you're the most colorful thing that i've seen

so steal the show, and do your best

to cover up the tracks that i have left

i wish you well and hope you find

whatever you're looking for

the way i might've changed my mind

but you only showed me the door

-rachael yamagata

hello, beautiful friends! i hope you all had a wonderful and relaxing long weekend. starting the week on tuesday rather than monday makes all the difference in the world. although i still hit snooze for an hour and half this morning, i at least woke up in a better mood than i do on most monday mornings.

i spent my memorial day weekend in camden with family. it was brilliantly uneventful. i did nothing but sleep, nap, lay around, eat good food, watch movies, and basically let my body (and soul) catch up on all the rest it's been needing for the past six weeks or so. i hadn't been home in such a long time - to actually just be home with nothing to do - so it was nice to just hang out with my family, grill out, catch up, and seperate myself from everything that's been going on in greenville.

apparently the weekend was really good for me, because i feel like i've finally started turning a corner (emotionally). for such a long time the hurt from the heartbreak i experienced was so raw and so close. finally, FINALLY it doesn't feel quite so fresh. i think this is definitely in part because i haven't been able to just slap a band-aid on it and move on. not this time. i've had to just let myself feel it out - wallow - hurt - cry - and deal with every emotion i've had over the past nearly two months. though i've desperately wanted to, i haven't been able to just remove myself from the pain; instead, i've had to walk through it, clinging to jesus with each step. it's still a work in progress, and i'm sure there will be days ahead filled with sadness, loneliness, and that achey, hole-in-my chest, "i miss you" feeling, but i'll cling to jesus still. mostly now i've dealt with the fact that the relationship has ended, but i'm having a hard time accepting the fact that he has moved on and no longer tries to even be a friend to me. that is what is most hurtful to me. that he so easily let me go - let me walk away - and has even replaced me. ouch. but like i said: i'll cling to jesus still as my heart continues to heal.

before i completely leave this subject, let me just say this: be careful how much of yourself you give away in a relationship - physically and emotionally. you will reap the consequences of those actions for far longer than you can probably imagine. trust me.