there is none so high and holy

today i was driving to make a site visit when "lord of all" by kristian stanfill came on. i love this song. every time i hear it i'm pointed straight to christ; i realize how big and powerful and capable and perfect he is, and how small and weak and uncapable and sinful i am.

today i have also been reminded of how truely disappointing people are. it is unbelievable to me at times - myself included. i just hope that at the end of the day people believe that i've been a good friend to them. i try my very, very best to be a good friend. i try to go out of my way to put my friends first, to meet needs before they're mentioned, to make nice gestures. it is absolutely ridiculous to me to watch the way people treat other people, particularly people they say they care about. cancelling on people is lame unless you've got a real good reason. dropping off the face of the earth for weeks at a time is unexcusable. letting someone walk away from a relationship, because you're too flipping lazy to SHOW them that what you SAY is true is disgusting. i know that i've hurt people. believe me, i know. and i know that i will hurt people again. i'm not excused from this rant. recently, however, it's been my feelings that were hurt. i was venting to shelby about this earlier, and she gave me some sweet advice: "people aren't perfect, and usually it's the people who are closest to you that tend to hurt you the most. even though it's hard, we have to show them the grace that god shows us and love them through it." um, no thanks. i'd rather not. but her advice is solid and biblical. even as i type this, "lord of all" has just come on grooveshark, and i'm reminded that my hope cannot be in people anyway. why? because "there is none so high and holy." god can't disappoint me, because he alone is god, and he alone is always good.

i think disappointment is just something i've been thinking through lately. i'm no stranger to disappointment. my mom says that my brother and i don't do anything the easy way, and that we always do things the most difficult way possible. it's true. nothing comes easy to us. you know those people that just seem to float through life, doors opening at the perfect time, everything comes with very little work, awesome things just happen to them? yeah. not me. granted, my life has been pretty smooth sailing, but in some ways i've learned a lot hard lessons the hard way. i'm okay with that (most of the time), because it's allowed jesus to develop more character in 24 years than a lot of people develop in 50. not that i'm great or that you should look at what i've done, because #1, i usually create the mess that breaks my heart that leads to the character development, and #2, the only good parts of me are because of jesus - and those parts are few and far between. however, i cannot imagine life in a world without disappointment. i'm longing for heaven today, anxious to experience that world. to sit next to the one, so high and so holy, who will give more contentment and satisfaction and joy and peace than any earthly person, fulfilled hope or perfectly executed plan ever could.