here are some thursday afternoon thoughts for you. they're pretty much just a bunch of different things that have happened or that i've been mulling over, so enjoy!
1. i love my brother. he's one of my best friends. lately we've been able to have a lot of really honest sister-brother conversations, because we're in similar situations. it's been really great to have him as a sounding board and friend, because he's really the only person who gets what i'm saying. we're so alike in a lot of ways, and i'm so thankful for him. he's such a "real" person - and i hate using that phrase - but it's true. we can kick back and drink a beer together (he likes yuengling, i'm a mich ultra girl), and talk about jesus the whole time. i love the authenticity that he brings to my life - and that i'm sure he brings to the lives of the people he's around. he's a laid back guy, who has a passion for the lord and his word - and it's so incredible to listen to him talk about the word. his theology is dead on, and he doesn't compromise. he's not into sugar coating, and he won't kiss up to anybody, bend on anything, or back down from what he believes. what a blessing to have him not only as a brother, but also as a best friend.
2. today i got a sweet surprise. i had a meeting in seneca this morning, and i had planned to meet gray for lunch real quick on my way back through town. when we got to groucho's we ended up running into neal (one of our mutual best friends from camden), turner, dustin, scott, and chris. then we saw sarah anne, bobby vine, justin lambert and a whole bunch of other fabulous clemson people. it made my heart so happy. lunch was delicious and hilarious and so refreshing. gray took me out to see the house he's moving into next year, and we got to have some good conversation while we were driving. what a bright spot on what could have been a long day. thank you, jesus!
3. it's weird when you've been out of touch with jesus for a few weeks - for whatever reason - that you feel like you can't get back in touch with him. when i haven't had a quiet time for a while or haven't really been talking to jesus very much, i feel like i can't because i'm already so far away that it'd just be ridiculous for me to try to talk to him. oh, my silly, human heart and mind. jesus would love nothing more than for me to come running - or walking or limping or crawling - back to him, to talk to him, to spend time with him. it doesn't matter what happened while i was away. he just wants me to come back. that should make me feel better, and it does in some ways, but mostly it just makes me ashamed and sad for running away in the first place.
4. it took two hours for me to clean my tiny, little house last night. what does that tell you about the state that my home was in? oh dear. it was dreadful. i was on my hands and knees with a sponge and bucket in true cinderella style scrubbing the bathroom floor. disgusting. but you burn a ton of calories cleaning, and now i could eat off of my floors (i wouldn't, but i could). and it smells delicious - like cinnamon and warmth and wonderfulness and pinesol and clorox. ahh i love a clean house.
5. there are a few moments in life when you realize that you are special. not like "i'm so great, look at me, look at me," but you really begin, for just a second, to understand just how intricate and unique and wonderfully beautiful and desirable and perfect you are to jesus. not your appearance, not you because you're you - but you catch a glimpse of who you are in jesus' eyes, and it will absolutely take your breath away.
6. i say all the time that i hate camden. the truth is, i love that place. my roots are there. i am blessed beyond belief to be able to say i grew up in camden. how many other people will randomly run into seven people they grew up with, have lunch, and laugh and talk like not a day has passed and still be great friends? that never happens to any of my friends that i met in college or post-college. granted, there is a certain amount of small-town drama that i wouldn't wish on osama bin laden, but the relationships - the support system - the people who love me and count me as their own child or sister or aunt - you wouldn't find that anywhere else but smalltown, usa.
7. most of you don't know this about me (and really, why am i sharing this with the world wide web?), but i am terrified of screwing up my life. i have this horrible fear that i'm going to make a bad decision, be outside of god's plan for my life, and destroy it beyond repair. this thought bothers me and nags at me and robs a lot of my joy. today i read this in my daily devotion from proverbs 31 ministries: "no matter what you decide to do, he will still take care of you, and he will still accomplish his plan for you." that bit of advice was taken from psalm 138:8, "yahweh will fulfill that which concerns me." that truth brings tears to my eyes. what a sweet savior. he will keep saving me.
8. knowing when to hold on and when to let go is tricky. i still don't know the answer.
9. sometimes you just need to drink sweet tea. especially when there's crushed ice involved. especially when it's from groucho's.
10. i don't have a number 10.
love you so much!!
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