actually, i'm going to be.
june 16th finds kenny and me still waiting to become parents. what a drag. we're in month eight of this journey, and while it has flown by, i've found myself feeling so discouraged lately. i ask kenny (or my mom) every single day, is it ever gonna happen?? will we ever get our baby?? they are both very reassuring, but it's just so hard to wait with no end in sight. not only is there no end in sight, but there aren't even any road signs. it's like traveling down some old one-lane highway with no signs, no stop lights, no detours, no other cars, no nothin. i've stopped going in to the nursery. in fact, the door stays closed all the time now. i don't buy baby stuff. i'm feeling completely over it and yet anxious about it at the same time.
i decided today i needed to do something new during my quiet time, so i hopped over to #shereadstruth (highly recommend this app for any of you ladies reading) and found a new study to start. it's called "in everything, give thanks." what i really felt like saying when i scrolled through and saw that title was, "pass." but i didn't. i knew it was the one jesus had saved for me for such a time as this. i reluctantly (i say reluctantly because i knew i was about to be 50 shades of convicted) added it to my bookshelf and set out to do the first day's study.
the scripture for today is psalm 105 and 1 thessalonians 5:16-18. here's a piece from psalm 105 that has played over and over in my head all afternoon:
seek the lord and his strength;
seek his presence continually.
remember the wondrous works that he has done.
his miracles and the judgements he uttered
(v. 4-5)
when he summoned a famine on the land
and broke all the supply of bread
he had sent a man ahead of them
(v. 16-17)
1 thessalonians 5:16-18 says:
rejoice always; pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances.
i love psalm 105:17: "he had sent a man ahead of them." in this passage, the psalmist is recalling the story of joseph. he was sold in to slavery to the egyptians as a young boy by his brothers. eventually, he gained favor with the king and was released from slavery and made one of the king's right hand men. during this time, the israelites faced a famine that left them desperate for help and food. the egyptians had food. joseph's father sent his brothers to egypt for food, and who should they come across but their brother. joseph forgave them and showed them favor and kindness and provided everything they needed. there was a point to the pain joseph went through. the whole time israel was facing famine, and the whole time joseph was a slave in egypt, the lord was working for their good behind the scenes. they couldn't see it. they probably didn't always feel it. but he was working, and he didn't waste their circumstances. he used their circumstances to bring about his glory and their good.
if we keep reading in psalm 105, the psalmist goes on to write about how the egyptians grew to hate the israelites and eventually took them in to captivity and made them their slaves. one day, in an effort to protect her infant son, a young mother tucks her baby into a basket and places him in the river. that basket ends up in pharaoh's court, and that baby is raised as an heir to the egyptian throne. as he is growing up, the israelites are suffering greatly under the egyptians' rule. but god was working. he was growing moses to be the great deliverer the israelites would need to take them out of egypt. he had put moses right where he was for a purpose, and he would not waste those circumstances. once again, "he had sent a man ahead of them."
praise the lord that these two stories serve as foreshadowing for what would come in the new testament. even in circumstances of life that seem confusing, dark, painful, and unnecessary, we can trust that he has sent a man ahead of us. because jesus has gone before me, and because he holds all things together (colossians 1:17), i can trust that he is working behind the scenes of my life, orchestrating something beautiful. he brings beauty from ashes (isaiah 61:3). i read somewhere the other day that "ashes are never the end of the story." he always finishes his work of restoration, and he always remembers his promise of goodness, kindness, and favor to his children.
this week one of my favorite author's died. elisabeth elliot has written a lot of things that i love, but the one sentence she penned that i have had to claim over and over in my life is this:
"god never witholds from his child that which his love and wisdom call good. god's refusals are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. god never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better."
as is always the case when we read scripture, there is a call to action here. will i choose to trust in his goodness and his faithfulness and his sovereignty? will i actively rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and give thanks in this waiting? i'm sure gonna try. i'm going to trust that the one he has sent before me is sufficient for all my needs and even all my desires.
