so the adoption. on friday kenny and i went to our adoption training. to be perfectly honest, the whole thing still feels so surreal. i just couldn't believe i was sitting there. december 12th was the date we were working towards - it was the deadline we really needed to meet and the one goal we set for ourselves in this whole process. and there we sat. i was so nervous going in to the meeting. i had no idea what to expect or who would be in the meeting with us. we got there about 40 minutes early! ha! the day was awesome. there were five other couples there, and though one or two of them already have biological children at home, the others are in the same boat we are. the infertility boat, that is. it was so, so encouraging to sit with other couples facing the same things we are. it was nice to just be with "our people." we've met some really neat couples, and it's so cool to now have this whole new family of people to keep up with and pray for and journey with.
the training began at 8:45 and lasted until 4:30. it was overwhelming. the day started with lectures on the process, openness in adoption, and finances. when i hear the words "open adoption," i'm not going to lie: my heart sinks. we have gone round and round with the idea of having an open adoption. we've both prayed about it. we pray for our birth mother. we pray for our baby. we pray for that our birth mother will experience jesus through us. but we don't want an open adoption. and we don't feel led towards an open adoption. a lot of people have tried to persuade us otherwise, but unless jesus himself tells us to have an open adoption, that is something we are completely uncomfortable with. of course, there are varying levels of openness in adoption, and there are things we would consider if we felt good about the situation. but there are also some things that we simply just do not want for our family. and we feel okay with that.we will continue to pray about this, as our agency will still present us with birth mothers who want open adoptions - we just have to say no if we're not interested.
we also learned a lot about what the process itself will look like from here. basically, kenny and i have done everything we can do on our end of things. the last two things that had to be taken care of were my drug screen and tb skin test. both of those were done today, so we're officially DONE. the next thing that will happen is that our reference request forms will be mailed out. we chose people very carefully for our references, and we feel really honored to have these people speaking on our behalf. after those go out, we will be waiting to hear about the dates for our home study. the home study will consist of four meetings: a joint meeting at our house, one-on-one meetings at the agency office, and a final joint meeting at our house. i was pretty nervous about the home study before the training, but now i'm actually really looking forward to it. the only discouraging piece of information that we got at the training is that the agency is really backed up on home studies. they said to expect several months before we'll be able to get started. please pray that they are able to catch up quickly, and that our home study will begin sooner rather than later.
once our home study if completed and the document written up, we will be considered an active, waiting family (if we are approved). besides the birth of our baby, that is the moment we are working for and anxiously awaiting. once we are approved, we'll put the nursery together and really start getting the house ready for a baby. we heard about a couple over the weekend who was approved three weeks ago and picked up their baby on friday! it could happen, yall!
we were also able to hear from an adoption attorney during the training. it was so helpful to hear about adoption laws directly from an attorney who does this every single day. he told us exactly how the law works, what we'll need to do once we get our baby, and what the final hearing will look like. we didn't know that we will actually have to take the stand at our hearing! the judge will ask us questions about our love and care for our baby. our attorney said that most judges will ask, "do you love this child?" he just so happens to be an adoptive father to three children, and he said that moment was always so emotional for him - it made it so real. i can't wait for that moment.
so that's where we're at. right now, we're just in limbo. we're working on our profile book (the book that expectant mothers look at to help select an adoptive family) and trying not to drive ourselves crazy by thinking about our baby. i'm really excited about putting our book together. the amazing heidi graves is going to be working on this with us, so there is no doubt in my mind that it will be incredible.
i had my first baby dream last night. it was a girl. a tiny little girl with a head full of dark hair. she had the sweetest little face.
thank you for sticking with us through this journey! please keep praying for us, for our birth mother, and for our baby. pray for our home study to begin soon. pray for us as we wait - that we will keep busy and use the wait to grow in christ and in our marriage. pray that we will meet our baby soon!
