shot through the heart

and you're to blame - baby, you give love a bad name (bad name)! nothing wrong with a little bon jovi to get this blog rolling!

i started a bible reading plan yesterday to study through the book of acts over the next fourteen days. i've studied acts before, but since i'm doing the beth moore study "children of the day" and it focuses a lot on community, i thought working through acts alongside it would be appropriate. now, let me tell you what usually happens when i start a bible reading plan: i'm usually working through a book of the bible. that's my usual MO for bible study. i don't often use the bible app on my phone, because i'm a pen and paper kind of gal. i like the wrinkly, thin, tear-stained, marked up, highlighted, used and worn pages of my bible. i like to physically hold the word in my hands - touch them, feel them, etc. so anyway, back to the bible app. when you don't use the bible app for a long period of time, you start getting friendly messages (every day!!) that say things like: "even five minutes in the bible can change your life. want to read now?" then i feel guilty for not reading the bible on my phone. i open up the app, search through some devotions and bible reading plans and pick one. i use it for three days, and then i quit. and the routine starts again. BUT (i have a whole blog post dedicated to this three letter word. you should go find it. it's a good one.) this time, this time is different. i'm going to study acts doggone it, and i'm going to study it with the help of my trusty bible app.

was that too much back story? probably. sorry. i just like for my readers to feel like they know what's going on.

aaaanyway. two things i learned about acts that i didn't know before (maybe i'm just dumb, or maybe i never paid attention before - i should have known these two facts):

1. the actual title of the book of acts is "the acts of the apostles." umm, duh, ashley. this would have been helpful to know all the other times i studied passages from acts. it is, after all, about the work of the apostles in the early church.

2. the book of acts is actually a part two. luke is the first part. interesting.

i read the first two chapters yesterday, and i was reminded once again how much i love the second chapter of the book of acts. over the next few lines i'm going to share with you just an inkling of what i took away from this chapter yesterday, but please, please, please, do your heart a favor and go spend time reading and soaking up acts chapter two. seriously, y'all. it is so good.

basically in chapter two, peter is giving a little sermon to the people who gathered at pentecost. the holy spirit has just come as promised, and the believers are now speaking in all sorts of tongues (y'all, i'm southern baptist. i don't know nothin bout speakin in no tongues - but i find it completely fascinating). some of the people gathered thought they were drunk. peter steps in to redirect their hearts - to share with them that the holy spirit has come as a direct result of the resurrection of christ - the promises he made have been kept.

in verses 22-41 peter gives my absolute favorite gospel message in the entire bible. i feel fire down in my bones every time i read this passage.

now let's take a quick look at a few of my favorite verses:

v. 23 - peter says jesus was "delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of god." affirmation that jesus was always the plan. god didn't create humankind, see that we messed up, and then start scrambling for a way to fix it. salvation was always the plan for revealing himself, our sin, and our need for a savior.

v. 24 - peter teaches that god raised jesus up, "loosing the pangs of death." the beautiful truth in this verse is that this applies to us if we are in christ. because christ was resurrected, death has no hold on us. hallelujah!

v. 37 - after peter preaches the gospel, the people were "cut to the heart" (hence the title of this blog). the gospel wasn't presented with any fancy language, no smoke and mirrors, no praise band with super cool hipster leaders (nothing wrong with that), and no funny jokes and stories. the gospel alone is sufficient to penetrate the hearts of man. peter, a man with a voice, stood up, preached the gospel, and the hearts of the people listening were CUT (hebrews tells us the bible is a sword that will pierce and divide), and look what happens next: "brothers, what shall we do?" they heard the gospel, they were convicted, and they wanted to know what their next step should be. this is what our walks should look like: faithfully in the word - conviction - action (repentance). oh, lord, make this true of me!

v. 39 - i love this verse: "for the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the lord our god calls to himself." there are a few different things for me to point out here. first, salvation in christ is a promise. once you have it, you cannot lose it. how do i know this? because god's word calls it a promise, and in god's word promises are things that he always sees to fruition. always. secondly, there is no such thing as "too far from god." there is nothing that cannot be redeemed (is that a double negative??). there is no heart too hard. there is no sinner too sinful. the cross reaches as far as we need it to. and finally, our salvation is completely dependent upon god. it's god who initiates within us. he calls us. we would not ever seek him on our own; he must first seek us. i could start here with predestination and reformed theology, but i think perhaps that's another blog for another day.

v. 42-47 - the believers were committed to christ and to each other. this is where we see a model of what the church should look like: believers devoted to teaching, fellowship, and praying together. the most incredible thing happened because of their devotion to the church and to each other: "awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done." i would love to see this at first baptist church!! the communion within the church led to believers "having favor with all the people." instead of being hated by the world and unbelievers, the church was loved and favored. oh, for that to be the case today.

i know this quick little piece of prose did absolutely no justice to the words in acts chapter two. please go read it. be encouraged and convicted by it. take it and apply it! pray to see a move of god in your church that would lead to koinonia (greek word for communion) within your body of believers.

if you lay down with dogs...

you're gonna get fleas. for some reason that phrase just seems like a great title for this post.

if you've read any of my previous posts - or if you know me in person - you know that i have, how shall i say...strong opinions. i have a lot of thoughts on a lot of topics, and i'll be the first to admit that i don't like when people disagree with me (i'm working on this, okay?). i know this is pride in my life, and i know it's sinful. like i said, i'm working on it. well, technically, jesus is working on it. i'd be happy to be right all my life. :)

that said, i have some thoughts on twenty-something christians and their apathy towards the church. before i jump in, let me clear this up: the church i am referring to is not the brick building with a steeple that we visit a couple of times a week (or month...or year). the church is the capital c Church - the body of christ - believers. i have been mulling over these next few thoughts for years - this is not a new thing for me, and i really believe that my heart for youth ministry is an extension of the way i see these things. like i usually say before i begin to share my opinion: i do not have all of this figured out. i have been so fortunate to be surrounded by people who have taught me so much about the things i'm about to write on - people who have challenged me, held me accountable, called me out when necessary, and helped grow in me a love for god's word. i'd also like to point out that these are attitudes i, too, have been guilty of at one time or another; i am ALWAYS writing to myself, too. i don't pretend to be above reproach. *end of disclaimer*

1. apathy towards church attendance: i don't really know what causes people to think it's okay to skip church (remember, i'm speaking to believers here). vacation - sure. illness - sure. family situation - sure. what i don't understand is the "i can worship god from the lake" excuse. or, "but god is so real to me in nature." uh, sure he is. he made it. he is very present in nature. but, like i've already mentioned, church isn't about going to a building. church is about being with the Church - being with believers. the bible calls us to not forsake gathering together - to encourage each other - to build each other up - to pray for each other - to worship together - to sit under corporate teaching together. when we are out of the habit of doing these things, we are not living in biblical community. there is no accountability. there is no fellowship. there is no intersection of lives, relationships, hearts, ministries, etc. get your butts up, and go to church.

2. apathy towards church involvement: it always amazes me the people who sit back and whine about what's going on in the church. ummm, where were you when plans were being made, people were being put in charge, and changes were implemented? at home? in bed? napping? i thought so. quit complaining. the bible teaches us that believers have been equipped BY god's grace FOR god's glory with certain spiritual gifts. if you are a believer, you have at least one gift, probably several. you don't have an excuse. you have something to offer - somewhere to serve. here's the other thing - our good and gracious god WANTS to use us to further his kingdom. he wants us to be involved - to work alongside him. but he will work and accomplish his will without us. but why wouldn't we want to get in on this?! everybody wants to be good at something - to belong - to be apart of something. that's human nature. well, good news, my friend. if you are in christ, you have been gifted in some way. you are valued. you are wanted. allow the lord to hone your skills - direct your ministry - perfect this gift he's given you - and be a part of the most exciting work that will ever be. don't waste your life.

3. apathy towards other believers: this is perhaps the most annoying of these issues for me personally. yall, we are supposed to be all up in each other's lives. i don't mean we're supposed to be nosey, gossip-driven, busybodies. that's the absolute wrong idea. we are called to very tangibly represent jesus' love to other people - and we are to show preference to other believers. you are not meant to walk this life alone. we need to allow ourselves - our lives - to get messy, be inconvenienced, and purposefully get in each other's way. we can talk for hours about things that don't matter: sports, TV shows, video games, recent movies, new products, that cute dress you got on sale at macy's. those things don't edify - they don't build up - they don't push us towards christ. are we talking about things that matter? are we intentionally asking each other about our walks? our prayer lives? our sin struggles? our victories? do we know what's going on beyond "hey, how are you?" "hey, i'm good, how are you?" think of someone you talk to regularly. recall your last conversation. what did you talk about? did you ever once talk about something kingdom related? the cross bridges the gaps in our lives - race, gender, denomination, spiritual gifts, interests, family make-up, age, etc. our lives should regularly intersect. our relationships should be meaningful. our hearts should be knitted together.

4. apathy towards spiritual maturity: maybe i lied. this may be the most annoying issue for me. nothing cramps my style more than seeing a believer who has been a believer for years still needing to be fed milk from a bottle. i probably should have just started with this one, because if this one issue was resolved all of the others would follow suit. people: stop settling for milk when there is MEAT to be had! translation: stop being a baby. get serious about your faith. get serious about learning about doctrine and theology and scripture. get serious about forming your personal theology (note: i do not mean making up what you believe by picking and choosing from scripture). get serious about knowing christ. get serious about learning the history of our faith. get serious about sharing your faith. get serious about accountability - seeing victory over sin. get serious about growth. get serious about hearing the word and then doing what it says. there is only so far you can go on this faith journey when you're content to be lukewarm and superficial. grow up.

i think that's about enough of my soapbox for today. get some passion, people!! pray for it - ask for it - long for it - and then trust that jesus will flood your heart with it! when he does - love him more, love his word more, love his people more. and ACT on it. do something about it!

the problem with mr. grey

i would like to start this blog post with a disclaimer: i am not judging you. i should also say at the forefront of this post that i am no expert on marriage. having only been married for a little over a year, i realize that i am a mere babe with very limited experience.

and now i will continue.

all over social media today i have seen posts about the first trailer for "50 shades of grey." i didn't read the book, but i did watch the trailer. curiosity really just got the best of me, to be honest. once those thirty seconds passed, i was more convinced than ever that reading the book and watching the movie would not be happening for me in this lifetime. when i think about it, i really don't understand why married women (especially married women who also happen to be believers) are so obsessed with this book. here's why:

1. the fight for purity doesn't end when you get married. kenny and i didn't move to a deserted island when we got married (if you did, i'd like some info please). we are still surrounded every day by media, movies, pictures, TV shows, and the opposite sex. here's the other shocking truth i learned upon marriage: just because i'm married, i haven't stopped thinking that men who are not my beloved are attractive. don't get me wrong. i think my husband is the studliest, most good-looking, most manly, most hilarious, and most wonderful man on the planet. but that doesn't mean that when i see ryan reynolds on TV that i don't kind of want to stare for a minute. when we first got married, i didn't really see much need to be concerned with purity. marriage felt kind of like the end of that battle. then one day, my husband let me in on a little secret. he told me that before we were married - back when we first began seriously dating - that he had purposed to keep his eyes and thoughts pure to honor the lord and me. he said that when we're in public or at the beach or the lake, that he intentionally closes his eyes or looks down when women walk by in less-than-modest clothing or bathing suits. talk about being humbled. he reminds me of this all the time - that when he married me, he promised that his eyes would only be for me, and he works hard to make sure that he keeps his promise. who needs christian grey to drool over, when i've got this stud?! ladies, we don't need to read a book or go see a movie that challenges us to make room in our heads for a man who isn't our husband.

2. comparing your man to christian grey (or any other man) will never end well. i personally don't want kenny to compare me to kate upton or carrie underwood. i don't want him to have an image in his head of another woman - how she looks, talks, behaves - and then grow bitter, frustrated, and distant when i don't measure up. do you know why kate upton is so perfect? photoshop. do you know why christian grey is so appealing? because somebody else is writing his lines, telling him what to wear and how to act. you are married to a real, live, breathing man! comparison in your marriage will never, ever, ever lead to anything but hurt and division. even if you don't think reading a silly book or seeing a movie can create a problem like this, you are wrong. so, so wrong. how do you think you came up with most of your ideas about love, grand gestures, fairy tales, and happy endings? from silly books and rom coms. don't let watching something or reading something inappropriate plant a seed in your head and heart that eventually lead to a broken, dissatisfied marriage.

3. you have been called to and have made a promise to honor your husband. proverbs 31 tells us that a wife should be working for her husband's good all the days of her life. i cannot read or watch "50 shades of grey" with a clear conscience. either of those would be strictly self-seeking - a cheap bit of pleasure with no redeeming quality that could be the first crack that leads to a big, loud crash. it might not. i might read it or watch it and that would be the end of it. but why risk it? why play russian roulette with my marriage? this beautiful thing designed by and ordained by god - a holy covenant. our society is so quick to slap the "addicted to porn" label on men. girlfriend, there is a market specifically targeting women. the problem is not limited to men. if you want your husband to honor you, honor him. husbands are called to love their wives like christ loves the church. what are we called to? to submit to our husbands. submit to our husbands. he is your one and only - physically, mentally, emotionally. the end.

sisters, if we do not actively fight for our marriages - go out of our way to protect them - the enemy will surely destroy them. ps: these are my thoughts and my blog. if you don't agree with me, that's certainly okay. but respect my opinion and my space.

old habits die hard

well, well, well. my dear sweet blog has been so neglected. what was once a never-ending babble of my twenty-something musings is now dead, cold, and useless. useless most of all to me. i don't pretend to think that my little blog had a large following - or made much of a difference to anyone (except maybe lindsey. love you bffl.) other than myself. for me, so much of life is a grey area that i need desperately to work out. because i think much faster (and much sloppier) than i write, typing is the most efficient way for me to collect my thoughts. one time last year i tried to start blogging again. i started a whole new blog with my new married name. i posted one entry. i just couldn't get in to it. this little corner of my world, maggiebloom.blogspot.com, is the place i fumbled my way through most of my twenties. why wouldn't i come back to it to embrace marriage, my thirties, and a whole new slew (that's totally a word) of life changes. here's a quick life update: i re-met my husband in april of 2012. our first date was april 6. i knew that very night i wanted to marry him. i quit my job on june 10, and i moved back to camden on june 28. i got a job teaching first grade. kenny and i were engaged on january 8, 2013 and married on june 8, 2013. and we're just getting started on our happily ever after. hmm. happily ever after. it feels weird to approach this blog with happily ever after as a real, tangible thing. i spent years tracing the lord's plan for my life through broken relationships and bad decisions. oh, if i could only know then what i know now. these are some things the twenty-eight (gasp. twenty-eight.) year old ashley would like to tell the twenty-something-younger year old ashley: 1. god is faithful. 2. god is faithful. 3. god is faithful. that's it. the means by which i have learned this lesson are many and varied. well, really not all that varied. mainly i just learned through relationships, because all i ever wanted wast to be a wife. anyway. i am hard-headed as the day is long. i wish, oh how the very pit of my soul longs to have simply trusted that god would be faithful. i wish that i had listened to the lord in 2007 when i refused to give up a relationship that turned out to be a fraud (i think we all know this story. if not, go back to this blog in 2009 sometime. it's there.). i really believed my plan was best and tried to force (read: bulldoze a path that destroyed anything and anyone who got in my way) something to be when it simply was not. i wrecked a lot of relationships along the way, but nothing was more destroyed than my heart. this broken heart of mine led to bad decisions numbers 2 and 3. i spent about three months after my life fell apart letting the lord put it back together. then i decided he wasn't working fast enough or aptly enough, and once again, i took over. let me give you some advice: if you've got a broken heart - if you've been through a traumatic situation - if you're emotionally fragile - if you're hurting - you're probably not in any shape to try to hold your own life together. let me be clear: you have NO business trying to get your own crap together, keep it together, and work it all out for your own good. there is a reason that paul writes that jesus holds all things together (colossians 1:17) - because ONLY he can. i took a mess and turned it into a catastrophe. by the time my heart recovered (no thanks to me) from the damage i had done, i was 26 years old. i wasted days, weeks, months and years giving myself away to stupid boys and superficial relationships. throughout the process i had some sweet times of fellowship with jesus (mostly after my heard had been broken...again), but i was really too busy trying to create my happily ever after to be bothered with the kingdom most of the time. thankfully, in his own good, right, and perfect time, the lord answered my twenty-six year old prayer for a husband. when i look back, i see that the lord was arranging everything in my life to prepare me to be a wife at this moment in time. had i married any other man at any other time, i would have been making a fatal mistake and missed out on the joy that i have found in marriage to kenny. i feel like i should also point out here what i am NOT saying. i am NOT saying that if the lord had not given me a husband that he would not have been faithful. not at all. (that's an awful lot of "nots." i apologize to all my english majors out there. what can i say? i write like a i talk.) his plan for my life includes marriage, and i am so very thankful for that. BUT, whether or not the lord had ever given me a husband would not have dictated his faithfulness. he is faithful, because he is god. he would have still been faithful to redeem me, heal me, and restore me. in march of 2012, i was more content than i had been in a long time as a single, twenty-six year old. he took me to that place where i was okay with singleness (even long term singleness) before he ever gave me the joy of being a wife. i don't mean to suggest that the lord plays games with us: he wasn't waiting for me to go left, so he could go right. what i have learned about him is this: he is jealous. violently jealous. for ME. and he will burn away anything in my life that stands to compete with his lordship in my heart. for me, that was marriage. jesus worked on and in my heart until i was okay taking marriage off the table. does this seem a bit dramatic? maybe so. but i think a lot of women, especially those in their early to mid-twenties can identify with what i'm talking about. whatever you're walking through, sister, he is faithful - even when you are not.