i would like to start this blog post with a disclaimer: i am not judging you. i should also say at the forefront of this post that i am no expert on marriage. having only been married for a little over a year, i realize that i am a mere babe with very limited experience.
and now i will continue.
all over social media today i have seen posts about the first trailer for "50 shades of grey." i didn't read the book, but i did watch the trailer. curiosity really just got the best of me, to be honest. once those thirty seconds passed, i was more convinced than ever that reading the book and watching the movie would not be happening for me in this lifetime. when i think about it, i really don't understand why married women (especially married women who also happen to be believers) are so obsessed with this book. here's why:
1. the fight for purity doesn't end when you get married. kenny and i didn't move to a deserted island when we got married (if you did, i'd like some info please). we are still surrounded every day by media, movies, pictures, TV shows, and the opposite sex. here's the other shocking truth i learned upon marriage: just because i'm married, i haven't stopped thinking that men who are not my beloved are attractive. don't get me wrong. i think my husband is the studliest, most good-looking, most manly, most hilarious, and most wonderful man on the planet. but that doesn't mean that when i see ryan reynolds on TV that i don't kind of want to stare for a minute. when we first got married, i didn't really see much need to be concerned with purity. marriage felt kind of like the end of that battle. then one day, my husband let me in on a little secret. he told me that before we were married - back when we first began seriously dating - that he had purposed to keep his eyes and thoughts pure to honor the lord and me. he said that when we're in public or at the beach or the lake, that he intentionally closes his eyes or looks down when women walk by in less-than-modest clothing or bathing suits. talk about being humbled. he reminds me of this all the time - that when he married me, he promised that his eyes would only be for me, and he works hard to make sure that he keeps his promise. who needs christian grey to drool over, when i've got this stud?! ladies, we don't need to read a book or go see a movie that challenges us to make room in our heads for a man who isn't our husband.
2. comparing your man to christian grey (or any other man) will never end well. i personally don't want kenny to compare me to kate upton or carrie underwood. i don't want him to have an image in his head of another woman - how she looks, talks, behaves - and then grow bitter, frustrated, and distant when i don't measure up. do you know why kate upton is so perfect? photoshop. do you know why christian grey is so appealing? because somebody else is writing his lines, telling him what to wear and how to act. you are married to a real, live, breathing man! comparison in your marriage will never, ever, ever lead to anything but hurt and division. even if you don't think reading a silly book or seeing a movie can create a problem like this, you are wrong. so, so wrong. how do you think you came up with most of your ideas about love, grand gestures, fairy tales, and happy endings? from silly books and rom coms. don't let watching something or reading something inappropriate plant a seed in your head and heart that eventually lead to a broken, dissatisfied marriage.
3. you have been called to and have made a promise to honor your husband. proverbs 31 tells us that a wife should be working for her husband's good all the days of her life. i cannot read or watch "50 shades of grey" with a clear conscience. either of those would be strictly self-seeking - a cheap bit of pleasure with no redeeming quality that could be the first crack that leads to a big, loud crash. it might not. i might read it or watch it and that would be the end of it. but why risk it? why play russian roulette with my marriage? this beautiful thing designed by and ordained by god - a holy covenant. our society is so quick to slap the "addicted to porn" label on men. girlfriend, there is a market specifically targeting women. the problem is not limited to men. if you want your husband to honor you, honor him. husbands are called to love their wives like christ loves the church. what are we called to? to submit to our husbands. submit to our husbands. he is your one and only - physically, mentally, emotionally. the end.
sisters, if we do not actively fight for our marriages - go out of our way to protect them - the enemy will surely destroy them.
ps: these are my thoughts and my blog. if you don't agree with me, that's certainly okay. but respect my opinion and my space.
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