all the way my savior leads me
cheers each winding path i tread
gives me grace for every trial
feeds me with the living bread
though my weary steps my falter
and my soul athirst may be
gushing from the rock before me
lo, a spring a joy i see
it got me thinking about this journey kenny and i are on.
throughout the past year as we have failed to conceive, even in my most emotional moments, i have had incredible peace. i have never once doubted that we would be parents. i have always wanted to adopt. always. i don't know where the desire came from, except that the lord put it in my heart. when kenny and i first started dating, we had the "kid talk." you know the one: we talked about how many kids we wanted, how far apart, when we wanted to start, etc. then i threw out the adoption card. kenny said he thought that was great, but he wasn't overly excited about the idea. at that point, i knew i was going to marry him (really, i did. i knew from the moment i met him.), but i don't know if he was there yet. i just assumed he would eventually come around to the idea of us adopting.
fast forward to the months following our wedding. we began to talk more seriously about growing our family, and adoption was always a part of the conversation. i made sure of that. as the months passed, and we didn't get pregnant, adoption began to become a more serious part of the conversation. while kenny agreed that adoption is wonderful, and we would probably adopt down the road, he wanted to continue with fertility treatments to hopefully have a biological child first. i have only shared this next story with one other soul:
one day over the summer, i was driving down our little street headed home from picking up another round of medicine. i already had a pit in my stomach, because i dreaded the side effects i would experience over the next two weeks. this always happened before i started medicine. i was completely overcome by dread. i was about a quarter of the way down the road when i suddenly had this overwhelming feeling of the presence of god. it was like my heart sank - not in a bad way - but it was that kind of feeling. i felt his presence pressing into every bone in my body. in that moment i felt the lord whisper that we should adopt. and not just one child. all three of the children we want. for a few minutes i just sat in my car kind of stunned. i wasn't quite sure what to do with that. a little later i texted my sister and told her what happened. she knew it was my desire to adopt, and we both felt like this was the lord's confirmation of that desire.
flash forward to last thursday. i was at a women's ministry event at my church. sweet robin jeffers (who just so happens to be family and the mother of two adorable sons who are adopted) walked up to me, and we started chatting. randomly, she told me that she had been thinking about me that morning. she said that for whatever reason she began to think about kenny and me adopting a baby. i immediately thought that she must have heard that we were actually planning to. when i asked, "so you've heard our news?" she replied that she didn't know what i was talking about. i excitedly told her that we had just made the decision to adopt. we were both speechless! talk about the holy spirit moving! the lord strategically placed her in my life to give me that sweet moment of affirmation. that same night i sat down at my table and began chatting with the other ladies sitting with me. when our adoption came up, the woman to my left spoke up and told me that she had been adopted! what are the odds?! i am thankful for god's goodness through confirmation. it's so good for my heart.
hurry up, november 7! we are so ready to get this show on the road!
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