tell me how you've been
tell me what you've seen
tell me that you'd like to see me too
cause my heart is full of no blood
my cup is full of no love
couldn't take another sip even if i wanted to
but it's not too late
it's not too late for love
my lungs are out of air
yours are holding smoke
and it's been like that for so long
i've seen people try to change
and i know it ain't easy
but nothing worth the time ever is
but it's not too late
its' not too late for love
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
you gotta know when you've got a good thing
here are some thursday afternoon thoughts for you. they're pretty much just a bunch of different things that have happened or that i've been mulling over, so enjoy!
1. i love my brother. he's one of my best friends. lately we've been able to have a lot of really honest sister-brother conversations, because we're in similar situations. it's been really great to have him as a sounding board and friend, because he's really the only person who gets what i'm saying. we're so alike in a lot of ways, and i'm so thankful for him. he's such a "real" person - and i hate using that phrase - but it's true. we can kick back and drink a beer together (he likes yuengling, i'm a mich ultra girl), and talk about jesus the whole time. i love the authenticity that he brings to my life - and that i'm sure he brings to the lives of the people he's around. he's a laid back guy, who has a passion for the lord and his word - and it's so incredible to listen to him talk about the word. his theology is dead on, and he doesn't compromise. he's not into sugar coating, and he won't kiss up to anybody, bend on anything, or back down from what he believes. what a blessing to have him not only as a brother, but also as a best friend.
2. today i got a sweet surprise. i had a meeting in seneca this morning, and i had planned to meet gray for lunch real quick on my way back through town. when we got to groucho's we ended up running into neal (one of our mutual best friends from camden), turner, dustin, scott, and chris. then we saw sarah anne, bobby vine, justin lambert and a whole bunch of other fabulous clemson people. it made my heart so happy. lunch was delicious and hilarious and so refreshing. gray took me out to see the house he's moving into next year, and we got to have some good conversation while we were driving. what a bright spot on what could have been a long day. thank you, jesus!
3. it's weird when you've been out of touch with jesus for a few weeks - for whatever reason - that you feel like you can't get back in touch with him. when i haven't had a quiet time for a while or haven't really been talking to jesus very much, i feel like i can't because i'm already so far away that it'd just be ridiculous for me to try to talk to him. oh, my silly, human heart and mind. jesus would love nothing more than for me to come running - or walking or limping or crawling - back to him, to talk to him, to spend time with him. it doesn't matter what happened while i was away. he just wants me to come back. that should make me feel better, and it does in some ways, but mostly it just makes me ashamed and sad for running away in the first place.
4. it took two hours for me to clean my tiny, little house last night. what does that tell you about the state that my home was in? oh dear. it was dreadful. i was on my hands and knees with a sponge and bucket in true cinderella style scrubbing the bathroom floor. disgusting. but you burn a ton of calories cleaning, and now i could eat off of my floors (i wouldn't, but i could). and it smells delicious - like cinnamon and warmth and wonderfulness and pinesol and clorox. ahh i love a clean house.
5. there are a few moments in life when you realize that you are special. not like "i'm so great, look at me, look at me," but you really begin, for just a second, to understand just how intricate and unique and wonderfully beautiful and desirable and perfect you are to jesus. not your appearance, not you because you're you - but you catch a glimpse of who you are in jesus' eyes, and it will absolutely take your breath away.
6. i say all the time that i hate camden. the truth is, i love that place. my roots are there. i am blessed beyond belief to be able to say i grew up in camden. how many other people will randomly run into seven people they grew up with, have lunch, and laugh and talk like not a day has passed and still be great friends? that never happens to any of my friends that i met in college or post-college. granted, there is a certain amount of small-town drama that i wouldn't wish on osama bin laden, but the relationships - the support system - the people who love me and count me as their own child or sister or aunt - you wouldn't find that anywhere else but smalltown, usa.
7. most of you don't know this about me (and really, why am i sharing this with the world wide web?), but i am terrified of screwing up my life. i have this horrible fear that i'm going to make a bad decision, be outside of god's plan for my life, and destroy it beyond repair. this thought bothers me and nags at me and robs a lot of my joy. today i read this in my daily devotion from proverbs 31 ministries: "no matter what you decide to do, he will still take care of you, and he will still accomplish his plan for you." that bit of advice was taken from psalm 138:8, "yahweh will fulfill that which concerns me." that truth brings tears to my eyes. what a sweet savior. he will keep saving me.
8. knowing when to hold on and when to let go is tricky. i still don't know the answer.
9. sometimes you just need to drink sweet tea. especially when there's crushed ice involved. especially when it's from groucho's.
10. i don't have a number 10.
1. i love my brother. he's one of my best friends. lately we've been able to have a lot of really honest sister-brother conversations, because we're in similar situations. it's been really great to have him as a sounding board and friend, because he's really the only person who gets what i'm saying. we're so alike in a lot of ways, and i'm so thankful for him. he's such a "real" person - and i hate using that phrase - but it's true. we can kick back and drink a beer together (he likes yuengling, i'm a mich ultra girl), and talk about jesus the whole time. i love the authenticity that he brings to my life - and that i'm sure he brings to the lives of the people he's around. he's a laid back guy, who has a passion for the lord and his word - and it's so incredible to listen to him talk about the word. his theology is dead on, and he doesn't compromise. he's not into sugar coating, and he won't kiss up to anybody, bend on anything, or back down from what he believes. what a blessing to have him not only as a brother, but also as a best friend.
2. today i got a sweet surprise. i had a meeting in seneca this morning, and i had planned to meet gray for lunch real quick on my way back through town. when we got to groucho's we ended up running into neal (one of our mutual best friends from camden), turner, dustin, scott, and chris. then we saw sarah anne, bobby vine, justin lambert and a whole bunch of other fabulous clemson people. it made my heart so happy. lunch was delicious and hilarious and so refreshing. gray took me out to see the house he's moving into next year, and we got to have some good conversation while we were driving. what a bright spot on what could have been a long day. thank you, jesus!
3. it's weird when you've been out of touch with jesus for a few weeks - for whatever reason - that you feel like you can't get back in touch with him. when i haven't had a quiet time for a while or haven't really been talking to jesus very much, i feel like i can't because i'm already so far away that it'd just be ridiculous for me to try to talk to him. oh, my silly, human heart and mind. jesus would love nothing more than for me to come running - or walking or limping or crawling - back to him, to talk to him, to spend time with him. it doesn't matter what happened while i was away. he just wants me to come back. that should make me feel better, and it does in some ways, but mostly it just makes me ashamed and sad for running away in the first place.
4. it took two hours for me to clean my tiny, little house last night. what does that tell you about the state that my home was in? oh dear. it was dreadful. i was on my hands and knees with a sponge and bucket in true cinderella style scrubbing the bathroom floor. disgusting. but you burn a ton of calories cleaning, and now i could eat off of my floors (i wouldn't, but i could). and it smells delicious - like cinnamon and warmth and wonderfulness and pinesol and clorox. ahh i love a clean house.
5. there are a few moments in life when you realize that you are special. not like "i'm so great, look at me, look at me," but you really begin, for just a second, to understand just how intricate and unique and wonderfully beautiful and desirable and perfect you are to jesus. not your appearance, not you because you're you - but you catch a glimpse of who you are in jesus' eyes, and it will absolutely take your breath away.
6. i say all the time that i hate camden. the truth is, i love that place. my roots are there. i am blessed beyond belief to be able to say i grew up in camden. how many other people will randomly run into seven people they grew up with, have lunch, and laugh and talk like not a day has passed and still be great friends? that never happens to any of my friends that i met in college or post-college. granted, there is a certain amount of small-town drama that i wouldn't wish on osama bin laden, but the relationships - the support system - the people who love me and count me as their own child or sister or aunt - you wouldn't find that anywhere else but smalltown, usa.
7. most of you don't know this about me (and really, why am i sharing this with the world wide web?), but i am terrified of screwing up my life. i have this horrible fear that i'm going to make a bad decision, be outside of god's plan for my life, and destroy it beyond repair. this thought bothers me and nags at me and robs a lot of my joy. today i read this in my daily devotion from proverbs 31 ministries: "no matter what you decide to do, he will still take care of you, and he will still accomplish his plan for you." that bit of advice was taken from psalm 138:8, "yahweh will fulfill that which concerns me." that truth brings tears to my eyes. what a sweet savior. he will keep saving me.
8. knowing when to hold on and when to let go is tricky. i still don't know the answer.
9. sometimes you just need to drink sweet tea. especially when there's crushed ice involved. especially when it's from groucho's.
10. i don't have a number 10.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
now that i love you, i wish we'd never met
i've recently rediscovered my love for gavin degraw's music. listened to this song today and quickly became obsessed. enjoy the lyrics!
there's no need to beg, babe, that's my open pocket
you take the money from me, i can scrounge
gave me a fever that will not come down
you're a young woman cast aside
ostracized, left on the sidewalk of my lonely life
for the young lovers taking the hill
one plants the flag while the other is killed
when the wine pours we raise our cups
young love is sacrifice, young love is tough
young love is innocent, young love is us
what did i get into, now everything is untrue
your eyes tell the lies of the lines that you said
now that i love you, i wish we'd never met
why wait? woman, i'm taking risks here that no one dared
and you're scared - scared of the bottom, afraid of the stairs
for the young lovers taking the hill
one plants the flag while the other is killed
when the wine pours we raise our cups
young love is sacrifice, young love is tough
young love is innocent, young love is us
someone, i saw someone and fell in love with a face
and it scares me to let it go
still want her even though i get less than she takes
-young love
whoa.
there's no need to beg, babe, that's my open pocket
you take the money from me, i can scrounge
gave me a fever that will not come down
you're a young woman cast aside
ostracized, left on the sidewalk of my lonely life
for the young lovers taking the hill
one plants the flag while the other is killed
when the wine pours we raise our cups
young love is sacrifice, young love is tough
young love is innocent, young love is us
what did i get into, now everything is untrue
your eyes tell the lies of the lines that you said
now that i love you, i wish we'd never met
why wait? woman, i'm taking risks here that no one dared
and you're scared - scared of the bottom, afraid of the stairs
for the young lovers taking the hill
one plants the flag while the other is killed
when the wine pours we raise our cups
young love is sacrifice, young love is tough
young love is innocent, young love is us
someone, i saw someone and fell in love with a face
and it scares me to let it go
still want her even though i get less than she takes
-young love
whoa.
Monday, February 22, 2010
back to you, it always comes around
my mother is the queen of rational thinking and good advice. today she told me that i needed to be careful not to "pigeon hole" people. now, if you're like me, you'd never heard this catchy little phrase before, and if you ask me, it sounds like some kind of rude gesture. but after further investigation i realized that she made a great point. let me "unpack" (in true perry noble form) this for you a little.
i've been sorting through a dating relationship recently, trying to figure it out, understand it, prepare myself what could or could not happen. i've been trying to decide how to handle it, what to do, what to say, what not to do, what not to say. there are some truths that i have realized about myself:
1. i am quick to write guys off - this is so regrettably true. my expectations are often unreasonable and absurd, and at the first sign of disappointment, i drop the relationship and move on.
2. i am quick to size up a situation - again, so true. i am so quick to decide if something will or will not work out, and then i act accordingly. fail.
3. i'm not perfect either - dang it. so many times, especially recently, i have found that i am at fault for problems in a relationship. while i like to place the blame on the guy or guys in the past who have made me the way i am today, a lot of the time if i just take a step back i realize that i could have done a lot of things differently.
4. i am scared - i am scared out of my mind to trust, to fall in love, to commit, to take a leap of faith and say "okay let's do this." i don't really have much else to say about this; i'm just scared.
those things said, i have come to the conclusion that i am very quick to pigeon hole people - particularly guys. i think a lot of girls share in this struggle. we start a relationship with a guy casually, then things progress, things get a little messy, and at the first sign of trouble we decide he's not perfect, so he can't possibly be the one. here's my take on this:
there is no such thing as the "perfect" guy. if you ask any married woman out there she will tell you that her husband, though she loves him completely and totally, is not by any stretch of the imagination perfect. and truth be told, i'm sick of searching for the perfect guy. guys are not a checklist. they are not a formula to figure out. there are not ten steps for understanding your man. there is no way to know what will or will not happen in any given relationship or any given situation. there is no way to size up a man based on imperfections or flaws. i'm so tired of people acting as though there's some magic step-by-step process for finding a guy, deciding if he's the one, and then proceeding accordingly. how unfair to approach a guy and a relationship that way. there's no way for me to know what's going to happen with my current relationship, because there is another person involved. a PERSON. not a formula. not a robot. not a checklist. he is a person. he changes. he messes up. he comes through with flying colors. he hurts my feelings. he makes me happy. he fails. he succeeds. he is a human being. i refuse to believe that by reading self-help articles about dating or relationships or deadly dating traps or whatever other kind of crap is floating around out there that i will be wiser and more equipped to handle this situation. he's a person that's not to be "figured out" - he's to be appreciated and honored and valued and trusted - and he should feel safe to do the same with me. it's not a matter of reading some article - having one fight - him messing up one time - and me saying "okay, well this is who he is and this is who he'll always be and this is how we're going to end up." this is true for ANY guy and ANY relationship - not just my current situation. i 100% believe that the only way to know if something will work is to try. and to try you have to give a little - you have to get involved - you have to let things get a little messy. you have to be willing to hurt a little. you have to be willing to be patient and wait a little. you have to be willing to be painfully honest. you have to be willing to sound like an idiot. you have to be willing to say the thing you need to say but you don't want to say. and if i'm scared, chances are, he's just as - if not more scared, too.
i'm tired of looking for the perfect guy. he's not out there. but there is a completely imperfect guy who's perfect for me. he'll mess up. he'll break my heart at times. he'll make me cry. he'll disappoint me. but he'll get it right occasionally. he'll make me happy. he'll make me smile. he'll encourage me. i don't want to be the girl who let a good guy get away, because i was too self-righteous to see all the good qualities through the flaws. i hope that a good guy can see my few good qualities through my many flaws. i don't want to approach him like a checklist. 1 corinthians 13 says that "love keeps no record of wrongs." i want to be quick to forgive, not keep score of shortcomings or disappointments. i think you have to be prepared to love somebody before you actually fall in love with them. you have to be willing - from the beginning - to be patient, to persevere, to go the extra mile, to try, to forgive and even forget - or you'll never even get to the place where you CAN fall in love. what guy can trust a girl who's throwing his mess-ups in his face all the time? what guy can trust a girl who's counting the times he hurts her? what guy can trust a girl who's demanding? what guy can trust a girl who's expectations are unattainable? i know that i need second chances - a lot of them. shouldn't i give second chances as easily as i accept them? when you find something you believe in, i think you have to.
so this is me throwing my checklist - my expectations (not my standards - totally different post for a different day) - my self-righteouness out the window.
i've been sorting through a dating relationship recently, trying to figure it out, understand it, prepare myself what could or could not happen. i've been trying to decide how to handle it, what to do, what to say, what not to do, what not to say. there are some truths that i have realized about myself:
1. i am quick to write guys off - this is so regrettably true. my expectations are often unreasonable and absurd, and at the first sign of disappointment, i drop the relationship and move on.
2. i am quick to size up a situation - again, so true. i am so quick to decide if something will or will not work out, and then i act accordingly. fail.
3. i'm not perfect either - dang it. so many times, especially recently, i have found that i am at fault for problems in a relationship. while i like to place the blame on the guy or guys in the past who have made me the way i am today, a lot of the time if i just take a step back i realize that i could have done a lot of things differently.
4. i am scared - i am scared out of my mind to trust, to fall in love, to commit, to take a leap of faith and say "okay let's do this." i don't really have much else to say about this; i'm just scared.
those things said, i have come to the conclusion that i am very quick to pigeon hole people - particularly guys. i think a lot of girls share in this struggle. we start a relationship with a guy casually, then things progress, things get a little messy, and at the first sign of trouble we decide he's not perfect, so he can't possibly be the one. here's my take on this:
there is no such thing as the "perfect" guy. if you ask any married woman out there she will tell you that her husband, though she loves him completely and totally, is not by any stretch of the imagination perfect. and truth be told, i'm sick of searching for the perfect guy. guys are not a checklist. they are not a formula to figure out. there are not ten steps for understanding your man. there is no way to know what will or will not happen in any given relationship or any given situation. there is no way to size up a man based on imperfections or flaws. i'm so tired of people acting as though there's some magic step-by-step process for finding a guy, deciding if he's the one, and then proceeding accordingly. how unfair to approach a guy and a relationship that way. there's no way for me to know what's going to happen with my current relationship, because there is another person involved. a PERSON. not a formula. not a robot. not a checklist. he is a person. he changes. he messes up. he comes through with flying colors. he hurts my feelings. he makes me happy. he fails. he succeeds. he is a human being. i refuse to believe that by reading self-help articles about dating or relationships or deadly dating traps or whatever other kind of crap is floating around out there that i will be wiser and more equipped to handle this situation. he's a person that's not to be "figured out" - he's to be appreciated and honored and valued and trusted - and he should feel safe to do the same with me. it's not a matter of reading some article - having one fight - him messing up one time - and me saying "okay, well this is who he is and this is who he'll always be and this is how we're going to end up." this is true for ANY guy and ANY relationship - not just my current situation. i 100% believe that the only way to know if something will work is to try. and to try you have to give a little - you have to get involved - you have to let things get a little messy. you have to be willing to hurt a little. you have to be willing to be patient and wait a little. you have to be willing to be painfully honest. you have to be willing to sound like an idiot. you have to be willing to say the thing you need to say but you don't want to say. and if i'm scared, chances are, he's just as - if not more scared, too.
i'm tired of looking for the perfect guy. he's not out there. but there is a completely imperfect guy who's perfect for me. he'll mess up. he'll break my heart at times. he'll make me cry. he'll disappoint me. but he'll get it right occasionally. he'll make me happy. he'll make me smile. he'll encourage me. i don't want to be the girl who let a good guy get away, because i was too self-righteous to see all the good qualities through the flaws. i hope that a good guy can see my few good qualities through my many flaws. i don't want to approach him like a checklist. 1 corinthians 13 says that "love keeps no record of wrongs." i want to be quick to forgive, not keep score of shortcomings or disappointments. i think you have to be prepared to love somebody before you actually fall in love with them. you have to be willing - from the beginning - to be patient, to persevere, to go the extra mile, to try, to forgive and even forget - or you'll never even get to the place where you CAN fall in love. what guy can trust a girl who's throwing his mess-ups in his face all the time? what guy can trust a girl who's counting the times he hurts her? what guy can trust a girl who's demanding? what guy can trust a girl who's expectations are unattainable? i know that i need second chances - a lot of them. shouldn't i give second chances as easily as i accept them? when you find something you believe in, i think you have to.
so this is me throwing my checklist - my expectations (not my standards - totally different post for a different day) - my self-righteouness out the window.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
like a sprained ankle, boy, i'm nothin to play with
i wanna show all my haters love
this song's for you
if you acted like me
and i was in your shoes
i'd probably hate on me too
-chamillionaire
i have a confession: i love rap music, and i always have.
i listen to it pretty much non-stop (when i'm not listening to john mayer, of course). i know you probably think less of me, but i don't really care.
some current favorites:
ice cream paint job - dorrough
good morning - chamillionaire
forever - drake, lil wayne, eminem
turn my swag on - soulja boy
empire state of mind - jayz and alicia keys
how low can you go - ludacris
listen. repeat. enjoy.
this song's for you
if you acted like me
and i was in your shoes
i'd probably hate on me too
-chamillionaire
i have a confession: i love rap music, and i always have.
i listen to it pretty much non-stop (when i'm not listening to john mayer, of course). i know you probably think less of me, but i don't really care.
some current favorites:
ice cream paint job - dorrough
good morning - chamillionaire
forever - drake, lil wayne, eminem
turn my swag on - soulja boy
empire state of mind - jayz and alicia keys
how low can you go - ludacris
listen. repeat. enjoy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)