rain is a good thing

i have some pretty big news, blog enthusiasts:

i quit my job!!

that's right! on friday i accepted a new position as lead teacher and director of curriculum and home visitations for a preschool program in greenville. i am beyond excited about this opportunity. i'll be teaching four-year-old kindergarten and directing the program based on the perry high-scope preschool model. i'll be working with high-risk children, so i'm really looking forward to the chance to love on some kids who need some lovin'. my last day at united way is july 22, and my first day at my new job is july 26. phew! it's going to be a crazy next few weeks, but i can't wait!

this morning i was doing my morning catch-up on twitter, and i saw that a member of the invisible children family was killed in a terrorist bombing in uganda yesterday. i clicked on the link to invisible children's blog about the man who was killed, and i was really affected by what i read. you can read about nate henn here: http://blog.invisiblechildren.com/2010/07/in-loving-memory-of-nate-oteka-henn/. what a beautiful life. that's the kind of life i want to live. a life that is selfless and that matters - not because of who i am, but because the love of christ in me that spills over into what i do and how i live. his life had meaning and purpose - and it wasn't about money or success or climbing the corporate ladder or getting married or living the american dream. it was about doing what's right: fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves.

today's blog is dedicated to...

my fellow g-chat enthusiast mr. mark owens! he gave me some ideas for today's blog. enjoy!

1. this is my favorite youtube video EVER. i discovered this back when i was sophomore at clemson (could that really be 5 years ago??), but mark sent it to me yesterday. i nearly hyperventalate every time i watch it, because i laugh so hard. enjoy, mate. also - please do not watch if a little profanity will bother you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZMwKPmsbWE

2. because my blog so often reflects my latest musical interests, here's a quick review of a guy i was introduced to yesterday (again, thank you, mr. owens). the guy is zach deputy (i'm not sure if that's his real name or not), and his music resembles something that would be produced should ryan adams, ray lamontagne, oar, and jack johnson make a baby. it's really happy, feel-good, windows down on a pretty day, drive for hours or sit on the boat or the beach with a beer (or margarita, because my mom thinks that ladies should not drink beer) in hand kind of music. i started listening yesterday, and i'm already hooked. a few favorites: "sunshine," "home," and "a little bit of you." you can grooveshark him, or visit his website:

http://www.zachdeputy.com/

3. i skipped breakfast this morning. i never, ever, EVER skip breakfast. i am a breakfast devotee. i love breakfast. i go to bed excited about eating my kashi cereal with fat free milk the next morning. this morning, however, i woke up at 8:19, and in my frantic dash through the shower, getting dressed, and making my way to work, i had no time to fix my cereal. bummer. it is now 12:10 pm, and i am starving. as soon as somebody else gets back to the office i'll be heading to my favorite lunch spot (subway, duh?) for my go to lunch: six inch turkey on whole wheat with lettuce, extra tomatoes, cucumbers, red onions, lite mayo, oil, and extra vinegar with a side of apple slices. i. can. hardly. wait.

4. some delightful (note sarcasm) greenville county employees are chopping down the tree outside my office window. i am by no means a "tree-hugger" (i don't even recycle, although i do like to eat organic), but i'm pretty sad to see this tree go. i'm assuming that it's dead, but it's big and twisty and has lots of character. and it's really shady in the afternoon. not to mention that everytime they chop off a branch i think that my office building is going to cave in, because of the minor earthquake that rattles my desk each time a branch hits the ground. reason to leave work early? i think so.

5. seriously, i need food stat.

6. i'm hitting the road to camden today. i'm really excited about it, but i am not so excited about the drive. ordinarily, it would take me less than two hours to get there. however, the last time i went to camden it took me 3 hours and 20 minutes due to a wreck, a speeding ticket, some rain, and lots of crappy drivers. if you know me, you know that my maximum "in the car driving" time is about two hours. that's it. after two hours i have to take a break or insanity will set in and i'm done. i get ill and whiney and carsick. it's deadly (for the people in the car with me, not so much for myself). let this be a warning: if you are planning to drive south this afternoon - get out of my way. i will have no patience for people in the left lane going five under the speed limit. seriously. i will cut you.

7. my office is complete and total disarray. oddly enough, so is my bedroom. i'm not sure how it gets this way, but it's so bad today that things literally started falling off piles on my desk on to me. worker's comp probably isn't an option if you're injured on the job because of a messy office.

8. i really don't like to stop writing before number ten when making lists. however, i'm out of interesting things to say (probably due to my bottomed out blood sugar). i might be back later. it depends on how my afternoon goes.

happy friday! PTL!

brother man!

lyrics from my favorite summer song, "hip to my heart" by the band perry, who, incidentally, i went to blindhorse to see on friday, may 14th, only to find out that i had already missed the concert. story of my life.

i like your lips like i like my coca-cola, yeah
the way it pops and fizzes
you like my shirt like i like it when you hold my hand
the way it fits has got me feelin lucky

lookie who is comin, who
you got that something
boy, i wanna be where you are
and i'm gunnin for ya
can't even fall for some other man
cause, brother man, you know how to get hip to my heart

all the girls in town look you up and look you down, i know
so come on and pick up your kitten
purr, baby, purr
go ahead and say the word, let's go
i think i'm the one you're diggin
got me feelin lucky

lookie who is comin, who
you got that something
boy, i wanna be where you are
and i'm gunnin for ya
can't even fall for some other man
cause, brother man, you know how to get hip to my heart

tell me now, who, who?
tell me now, who, who?

you play it so cool
you play it so coo-oo-oo-ool
and what am i supposed to do
when you play it so cool
and i got the hots for you

lookie who is comin, who
you got that something
boy, i wanna be where you are
and i'm gunnin for ya
can't even fall for some other man
cause, brother man, you know how to get hip to my heart

listen. love. repeat.

footloose!

happy birthday, kevin bacon! i love you in "tremors" and "footloose," and i hope you get to dance and celebrate all day. much love.

thus far today i really don't have anything exciting to write about. i'm seriously tired, due to the fact that i got home around 12:30 and realized that my sheets (and the guest bed sheets) were still in the washing machine. fail. so i put them in the dryer and got on the couch, where i dozed on and off until 2:30. got up; put sheets on my bed; and went back to sleep. needless to say, that's not exactly ideal for my REM cycle. that said: i don't have anywhere to be after work today until 7:30. so before i go run, i will be taking a nap.

speaking of which: i ran yesterday for the first time since OCTOBER. OCTOBER!!! if you know me, then you know that i am a workout fiend. for the past three or so years i've been completely dedicated to the early morning workout and after-work workout. back in october i wasn't taking very good care of myself (due to a really stupid relationship - imagine that...) - i was tired and stressed out and not getting a lot of sleep and not eating much - and after a couple of runs my heart started acting up. do not misunderstand me: my heart was doing what's normal for my heart to do, just more often than normal (but it was because of the stress i was putting on my body). i, being the hypochondriac that i am, completely freaked out and stopped running altogether. after my annual check-up at the cardiologist, i was cleared (and reassured repeatedly that i was not going to die) to do whatever i want. i'm always clear to do what i want, but after those runs that scared me, i wanted to be extra sure i was okay. my poor cardiologist probably hates seeing me come through the door. i ask about a million questions, including "are you sure?" at least fifty times. since my heart typically freaks out after working out or dancing (and usually only once or twice a year), we know that it's just an adrenaline thing, and that i'm okay. so: i ran a mile yesterday, and i lived to tell you about it, haha. i didn't want to jump back in to doing like five miles a day, because me even getting on my brand new treadmill was a tremendous feat in itself, so i'm just going to let myself get back in to it slowly, until i get over my fear completely. hopefully that won't take long.

last night i had dinner with my brother, gray, and scott. they took me to pf chang's, because they missed my birthday. shame on them. however, my broken heart was mended when scott paid for my sweet and sour chicken. we got in to a really serious discussion about what happens to people in the middle of the jungle or rainforest or africa who have never heard about jesus. the question was "what happens to people who have never heard the name of jesus?" my brother is a total theologian, so he had a very black and white perspective. for me and scott it was a little harder to digest. what i want to think is that our god is merciful and compassionate and would not hold an innocent life accountable for not ever hearing about jesus. that's what i want to think. the sad truth is, though, that there is no "innocent" life. we are born in sin - we are evil by nature, and there is not one of us who is good (romans 3:10). i'm kind of wrestling with this today, because the truth is this: no one comes to the father except through me (jesus). no one. not even the man in the deep jungle of a deserted island who has never heard the name of jesus. it's hard to rectify the idea of an all loving, all merciful, and all compassionate god who is also just.

sorry for that incredibly heavy and somewhat depressing little tangent.

in other news: it is about forty-seven million degrees outside - the kind of hot that takes your breath away when you walk outside. you cannot tell me that global warming is a joke. my poor dog is about to go nuts, because we can't walk until late at night when 1. it's not so hot and 2. the pavement doesn't burn his little feet. we tried the dog park this week, and there was nobody there to play with! i think our walks these days will be restricted to around 8:30 in the evening.

i just had lunch, and now i am ridiculously sleepy. my lack of sleep and good lunch are well on their way to putting me in to a late-afternoon-ready-to-go-home-and-put-on-comfy-clothes-and-turn-on-food-network-and-take-a-power-nap coma.

this post has seriously been a waste of time - yours and mine. happy weekend eve!

happy national ice cream cone day!

if you know me at all, you know my fervor for ice cream. i am happy to oblige this national holiday with a free ice cream cone at jason's deli after lunch today. please, and thank you!

this morning as i was getting ready for work, i was reading the scripture verses i have posted all around my bathroom mirror. most mornings i don't even pay them a second glance; they're there, and i know they're there. i just don't spend time reading them. this morning, however, i read them. the one my heart settled on is below:

forget the former things
don't dwell on the past
see, i am doing a new thing!
now it springs up
do you not perceive it?
i am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland
-isaiah 43:18, 19

i'm a girl with few regrets. it's a blessing not to look back and think, "man, i really wish i hadn't let that happen." granted, i'm not proud of a lot of my moments, but i don't necessasrily regret them. the things i do regret are all related to relationships and people. last night i was kind of sucked into the quicksand that is regret. i was thinking of all the things i should have done differently and all the times i could have actually ended up with somebody. (side note: i've been thinking about being alone a LOT lately.) i'm not alone against my will. in almost every relationship i've ever had, i've chosen to get out. a lot of times i've chosen to get out, because i was getting back what i was giving - but the bottom line is that it wasn't right, and my heart refuses to settle. truth be told, i could probably be married right now - if i wanted to be. i could've settled for any one of the guys i've dated. don't get me wrong: they were all wonderful guys who did care about me. some i liked, some i tolerated, and a couple i loved. but i could still be with any of them. it's frustrating to see how relationships play out, especially when there's not really anybody to blame - no real reason for things falling apart. sometimes it just happens, because it isn't right. now i've gotten off track from the point i was originally trying to make. bet you're glad you decided to read this today. let me try to tie this all together:

i don't want to be alone. i want to get married. i want kids. i want to fall in love. i want to find the man i can't live without. but being with the wrong person is a lot more miserable than being alone. trying to force something only makes you unhappy, and if you're having to talk yourself into something, then it's probably not something you need to be in. trust me; i know.

i think all of these things are on my mind as i move past one relationship and deal with the idea of being alone - for now and possibly for forever. who knows what god has planned for me. i know that for right now, i need to be alone. i have a broken heart with lots of dark and twisty places that i've only just uncovered through my last relationship. i'm scared of commitment; i don't trust people; i'm difficult and kind of a mess. so i know that i need to be alone - to figure myself out - to dig into how the lord wants to shape me and change me - to have some clarity. i'm okay with that, because i don't want to take this junk into my next relationship. i want to have a whole heart to offer. well, maybe not whole, but at least healed. my biggest fear is that i will get tired of waiting on the lord and eventually talk myself into settling. i don't think i'd ever get there, but it happens easily and quickly. before you know it you're doing and saying things you never thought you'd do or say. and again i've totally lost you in my stream of consiousness.

truth: everything and everyone has a purpose in my life. all the heartbreaks have a specific place on my heart and lesson to teach. i don't need to be in a place where i miss someone or want someone just so i'm not alone. "you never get what you want if you lower your standards." there are patterns in my life: i date people (sometimes) just so i can say i have someone (not that they aren't great - they are; they're just not right for me, and i always know.), then things get messy as i try to figure out how to end a relationship with a person i really do care about, because i know it's not right for me. then i find myself in some sort of limbo, back and forth with my feelings, after things are over, trying to make sense of what has happened and trying to put my life and heart back together. i really am quite an interesting case.

so back to the verse i read this morning: my past is full of the same. but i think what jesus wants me to hold on to right now - at 10:34 in the morning on wednesday, july 7, 2010, is that he wants to do something new. he wants me to be excited about what he's got planned. he wants me to let go of the past. he wants me to trust him and search him for the new thing he's doing in my life. he wants me to open my eyes to how he is creatively providing for me. he wants me to celebrate his resurrecting power in my life.